Sunday, June 27, 2010

The Detroit Lions still Suck...


ESPN- Detroit Lions president Tom Lewand is apologizing after he was arrested on suspicion of drunken driving while at a charity golf tournament in northern Michigan.

Lewand said in a statement Saturday night that he is "deeply sorry" for his actions and takes full responsibility.


Did the Detroit Lions really one up themselves within 24 hours of my last glass of haterade? Holy shit its worse up there then I thought!

A little sympathy for Tom. Because we all know we'd be drunk off our asses 24/7 if we were associated with this pathetic team. But crap Tom, you're 0-0 right now. You ain't 0-16 yet! Lay off the whiskey and wait till after week 1!

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The Detroit Lions Suck...


THE DETROIT NEWS:
A number of Lions players' wallets are going to be lighter once coach Jim Schwartz gets a look at Friday morning's final minicamp practice tape.

Schwartz had to cut the final practice of a three-day minicamp short after a second fight turned into an all-out brawl between the offense and defense. Schwartz stopped practice and screamed at his team at midfield for more than five minutes. He still was steaming as he talked to the media afterward.


I think it goes without saying that the Detroit Lions are already a complete joke of an NFL franchise. Thanksgiving after Thanksgiving I put the tube on to watch football. And Thanksgiving after Thanksgiving I get to see the Lions collectively shit their pants on national TV.

But it doesn't get much lower than this. Not just one, but two brawls in one practice? Holy crap. I know that being forced to play in Detroit sucks, and that it's embarrassing to be a Lion, but JESUS H. MURPHY. Get those boys on a leash Schwartz.

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Saturday, June 26, 2010

The beginning of the end for Ron Mexico?


PFT: The news that a man was shot at a 30th birthday party for Eagles quarterback Michael Vick has taken a twist, with reports that Quanis Phillips, one of the co-defendants in the infamous dog fighting case that landed Vick in prison, was the victim in the shooting, and that he was shot after a confrontation with Vick.

According to Daily Press reporter David Squires, Phillips showed up to the party even though Vick is not supposed to be associating with any of his dog fighting co-defendants. Squires writes that there was a confrontation between Phillips and Vick inside the party, that the confrontation then moved outside, and that's when Phillips was shot.


Well, well, well Mr. Mexico. Just when we thought you'd put the whole "dog murderer" stuff on the back burner...POW POW...one of your old buddies shows up at your birthday party. And gets the shit shot out of him. CLASSIC VICK.

This is gonna get real ugly for Vick. I'm no expert, but I'm pretty sure that when you get in a "confrontation" with one of your dog fighting buddies, and then that buddy gets blasted, you're pretty much in deep shit. This should be fun to watch.

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Thursday, June 24, 2010

Oh God...here we go again


BILOXI SUN-HERALD: Brett Favre is riding his bicycle 8 miles, as recommended for rehab from his ankle surgery. And, he still hasn’t ruled out another season with Minnesota Vikings’ training camp slated to begin in less than a month. Those are just a few of the telltale signs that legendary quarterback and future Hall of Famer Brett Favre will play a 20th season.

In a Thursday morning interview with Sun Herald sports writer Al Jones, Favre, who had just finished an 8-mile bicycle ride, said: ‘‘I would love to go beat the Saints. I know I can still play at a high level. Last year was a great year, but it could have been better (winning NFC Championship).’’


I thought we were done with this. I honestly thought we wouldn't have to deal with this dumbass having to make up his mind all summer. Come on Brett. We all know your too lazy to go through training camp. It's fine if you don't show up for until the day before the first game. Who needs preparation? Time to get back in sync? It's Brett Freakin Favre!

Anyways, it wasn't like you lost the NFC Championship for the Vikes...right?

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What the hell? You're coming now?


ESPN: Albert Haynesworth apparently hasn't been living up to his end of the deal on or off the football field.

Haynesworth issued a statement Wednesday saying he will report for training camp after staying away from the Washington Redskins all offseason trying to force a trade despite being paid a $21 million bonus in April.

"Despite my current differences with the Redskins, I have always planned to attend training camp and honor my contract," Haynesworth said in a statement released Wednesday through his agent.


So wait a minute Tubs. Didn't you just spend half the off-season bitching and moaning about how you don't want to be the snow-plow of the 3-4? Haven't you been trying to get yourself traded for the past month? Weren't you planning to not honor your contract? What the F!@#?

Has that little light bulb in Fat Albert's head go on? It sure as hell better have, because at this point, he can kiss any chances of leaving Washington good bye. Who the hell would want some fat load of crap who won't play in the 3-4 for $41 million guaranteed?

No one.

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Football's for children...flag football's for WARRIORS


ESPN: CHARLOTTE, N.C. -- Carolina Panthers receiver Steve Smith will miss the start of training camp with a broken left forearm suffered while playing football...Flag football, that is.


Real cute ESPN...But in case you missed this, apparently Steve Smith broke his arm while playing flag football. Here's my question: How the hell is this a big deal?

\
Here's the fact of the matter. NFL players don't have the athletic talent for flag football. Period. Sure the NFL is cute, but the real pioneers of football, like myself, resign themselves to the flag game. There's a certain point where the NFL just isn't challenging anymore.

Clearly, Steve Smith felt he'd grown beyond the NFL. He was wrong. Flag football ain't for chumps, and he's finally realizing his limitations. That's why he's decided to retire from the game.

And that's where Steve Smith and I are different.*  Domination machines like me might break a finger or wrist playing flag ball, but they play through the pain. We're warriors. NFL players aren't.

That's why the odds of an NFL player successfully playing flag football are about as astronomical as finding out that Al Gore sexually harasses massage therapists.

Oh wait...

* Aside from our 40 times, hands, leaping abilities, agility, dance moves etc. **
** No comment on who's better


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Relax children...I'm back


"Sorry" for not putting anything up in a while. Notice the quotation marks. In reality I'm "sorry" for working 50 hours a week for crap pay while you sit on your ass and stare at my dope ass site.

Anyhow, I'm back...at least temporarily.


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Wednesday, June 16, 2010

I Hope the Door Hits You on the Way Out


Albert Haynesworth reminds me of that kid. Everyone has seen the kid somewhere. He's whiny, spoiled, and stomps on the ground (get it?) bitching to his wealthy parents for a toy, not afraid to make a complete embarrassment of himself in front of complete strangers. Then when he gets his toy, he throws it away and asks for a new one.

This is Haynesworth in a nutshell (if that nutshell is the size of a baby blue whale).

His stint with the Titans gave everyone a little insight into his character, as I'm sure Andre Gurode would confirm, but the Redskins still played the part of anxious-to-please parents and gave him a new $100 million toy. And like any spoiled brat, Haynesworth acted like he cared for about 12 games, collected over $30 million, and pissed on the Redskins front office as if they disrespected him. It's completely shameful behavior.

But what else should we have expected from a guy that showed every indication of being a selfish prima donna when he came to D.C.? I have no respect for a guy that doesn't care about his teammates and treats his record-breaking contract as if it's an insult to him. Seriously dude, if you're getting paid $100 million to play football and the new well-respected coach wants to change defensive schemes, LEARN THE NEW FREAKING SCHEME.

In the early offseason this year, the Redskins made some moves that could be considered "counter-tradition," which essentially means they were intelligent and beneficial to the team. They didn't make splashy and unnecessary acquisitions (I guess not including McNabb and the running back stable if you count that), but went for solid guys who fit the system (Adam Carriker, Trent Williams, Vonnie Holliday, etc.). Mike Shanahan came into to instill some discipline and a winning attitude. Like the Kaiser Permanente kid would say, "Things were lookin' up."

But now Haynesworth hasn't come to mandatory training camp and is requesting a trade, and all of the 'Skins progress now lies in his "too fat to chase down the ice cream truck" shadow. I'm just making an assumption here, but we can all guess that he hasn't been spending this time getting fit, so he's probably not the svelte 350 pounder he used to be.

I mean if the 'Skins were the Goonies, we'd be asking him to do the Truffle Shuffle. He's the giant in The Princess Bride, but without sportsmanship. He's everyone in Wall-E. And now Haynesworth the Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man has come to destroy the city.

But seriously, there's no place for a guy like this in D.C., and I'll be happy once he's gone and somebody else's problem. I hate that selfishness attracts so much media attention, and I feel guilty that I'm contributing to that right now. So much so, in fact, that this is the last sentence that I'll ever write about Albert Haynesworth.

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Wednesday, June 9, 2010

Golden Tate: Doughnut Thief


TMZ: NFL rookie star Golden Tate was "drunk" and "being retarded" when he broke into a donut shop in Washington and stole maple bars at 3 AM ... this according to the woman who called 911.

TMZ obtained the 911 call made on Saturday morning -- in which the Top Pot employee tells the dispatcher Golden and a friend snuck in through an unlocked door, stole keys and a bunch of donuts ... and then ran off.

Golden later said he broke into the place because the smell of the maple bars was "irresistible."


Really dude? Maple bars? As a connoisseur of drunken dishes, I'm gonna hand it to you straight Golden. Maple Bars are shit. When you're wasted, you damn sure better stagger your ass into a Waffle House and slam home about 5 of those waffles. The more unnecessary food the better.

And why the hell are you jacking these Maple Bars? What are they like 5 cents? Seriously bro, if your Maple bar addiction is so bad, why the hell don't you just buy the damn store. COME ON GOLDIE!

Btw, the voicemail at this link is out of control. F@!# where are my keys? Probably back at Kappa Kappa Kappa biaaaaatch.

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