Monday, August 9, 2010

32 Teams in 32 Days: #30 The Browns

God may have a problem with the Buffalo Bills. But God DEFINITELY hates Cleveland, and with absolute venom. There's that whole "Indians not winning a title since 1948 thing". Then this summer, some above average Cleveland basketball player apparently decided to leave his lifelong hometown for Miami. He also had an hour long special on ESPN to announce his decision. Wow...that's pretty cool!

And then there's the Browns. Forget the fact that some douchebag owner pretty much stole the team and moved it to Baltimore back in 1995. Quite the low blow. Cleveland did end up getting the Brownies back in '99. But these new Browns?  They've been awful, eerily similar to "Browns" that you or I could "take to the Super Bowl".

Will the bad luck change in 2010? No. Not a chance in hell.


And that's it. Cleveland's best player is a kick returner...Josh Cribbs. Probably the best returner in the NFL. He should really help the Browns, seeing as every single play in an NFL game is a punt or kickoff...oh wait.


Too many to EVERYTHING.


The Browns appeared to be heading in the right direction when they hired Mike Holmgren as team president...but got right back on the train tracks to hell after they decided to keep Eric Mangini. WHY? A 4 game winning streak does not offset a 1-11 start. NOT AT ALL.

Unlike St. Louis and Buffalo, Cleveland actually did sign some players during the offseason. Unfortunately, those players were Jake "Not a very handsome guy" Delhomme and Ben "This is pretty much all I did in New England" Watson. Booooooo.

The Browns did okay on draft day. Joe Haden (CB Florida) was the best corner available, and being a former Gator he's basically a legend. Montario Hardesty (RB Tennessee) is a bruiser who'll step in as the power back for Jamaal Lewis. The crown jewel was Colt McCoy (QB, Texas) who fell all the way to the 3rd round. He'll likely be the Browns starter in a few years.


Dreams don't exist in Cleveland.


The season actually takes place.


2-14, last in the AFC North, and Eric Mangini finally gets fired. Seriously, it's Cleveland...would you expect anything else?


Sunday, August 8, 2010

32 Teams in 32 Days: #31 The Bills

The second stop on our countdown from worst to first brings us North of the border. Wait...Buffalo's not in Canada? Seriously? When the hell did that happen?

Asshole joke aside, the Bills should be playing in Canada. And no, I don't mean changing locales to Toronto...these losers should be playing in the CFL. They're just that bad. It's amazing how far this team has fallen since the days of Jim Kelly, Thurman Thomas, and 4 straight Super Bowl [losses].

You've got to feel sorry for Bill fans.  The franchise has got to be cursed.  Its best seasons?  They all ended in Super Bowl losses.  Its best player?  He was Nordberg...wait...whoops...he was actually a MURDERER...wait...double whoops...I actually meant an armed robber and kidnapper.  The two most memorable moments in franchise history? "WTF!? Loss 1" and "WTF!? Loss 2". Toss in a list of other jackasses who've stunk Buffalo up, like Rob Johnson, Wade Phillips, and even Terrell Owens and you've got one of the most tormented fan bases in the NFL.

At least Buffalo has a track record of success in other professional sports!  Oh....wait...I guess they're completely cursed in everything...Well at least the weather's nice!...wait...really? It snows in October? Ummmm...they aren't Cleveland? BAM.  There's a positive right there!

Now that I'm done being mean to Buffalo, let's take a look at how they'll fare in 2010.


Despite having absolutely no offensive line or quarterbacking skills, the Bills are pretty damn good at running back.  Why?  Because they have way too f!@$ing many.  There's bruiser Marshawn Lynch, the unbelievably underrated Fred Jackson (clutch runner and teams 2nd leading receiver), and now 9th overall pick C.J. Spiller, a speedster who also has hands of gold.  Buffalo won't be able to put all three on the field at once, but look for Jackson on 1st and 2nd, Spiller on 3rd down, and Jackson in short yardage situations.


The Bills can run...but they can't block, and they sure as hell can't pass worth a damn.  For one reason or another, Buffalo completely forgot to draft or sign a real QB during the offseason...AND decided to drop their only decent wideout/douchebag in Terrell Owens.  Trent Edwards and or Ryan Fitzpatrick are pretty awful on their own.   But leaving them without an offensive line or receivers is like leaving your kids with Michael Jackson at Neverland Ranch.  BAD.

Buffalo's change to a 3-4 defense will likely hurt least in the short term...hell knowing Buffalo it probably will in the long term too. It takes more than one season to put that system into play.


Buffalo hired Chan Gailey as their head coach during the offseason. Lame. He was an average coach in Dallas, an average coach at Georgia Tech, and apparently an awful offensive coordinator in Kansas City. But hey, he's a step above Dick Jauron...maybe.

Like the Rams, the Bills pretty much sat on their asses during free agency. No signings. And they cut two of their better players in DE Aaron Schobel (10 sacks last year), and yes...Terrell Owens. New coach, new strategy...probably same direction. BUFFALO!!!

Buffalo's draft sucked. 9th overall selection C.J. Spiller (RB, Clemson) was a sexy...yet idiotic pick. Why draft another running back when your quarterbacks are shit? Or when your offensive line is about as effective as the Great Wall of China against Mongols? There were plenty of BOTH POSITIONS available THROUGHOUT THE DRAFT. But the Bills didn't take an offensive lineman until the 5th ground (Ed Wang out of Oregon, cue the wang jokes) and took a QB with their last pick...What the hell? IS EVERYONE STUPID?


The entire AFC East outside of Buffalo tears their ACLs. The NFL outlaws the passing the football, and the Bills rush for 3,000 yards as a team. Unfortunately, they still finish 6-10. Sorry Buffalo. This team has no hope. Unless owner Ralph Wilson finds the holy grail, becomes immortal, and keeps the team in town for the rest of time.


Chan Gailey proves that Dick Jauron wasn't a bad coach...comparatively. The Bills offensive line fails to block for the umpteenth straight season, and both Edwards and Fitzpatrick go down with season ending injuries. Seeing the season as doomed, Buffalo holds open tryout for QB, signing this class act as their QB. Meanwhile Ralph Wilson dies. His kids inherit the team, but don't want it, and sell it to a Toronto based ownership group. They announce they'll move the team into ACTUAL Canada.


Last in passing yards, last in the AFC East, but first in the list of "Sports Teams that God Hates". Keep your chin up least you got Chan Gailey at head coach!...oh wait.


Saturday, August 7, 2010

32 Teams in 32 Days: #32 The Rams

We said it would start a week ago. We lied. IT STARTS NOW.  It's time for us to unveil our power rankings, REVERSE STYLE, as we start off down and dirty.  And by down and dirty, we mean the crappiest of the crap.

And that distinguished title belongs to none other than the St. Louis Rams. Pathetic was an understatement for this dump of a team in 2009.

Need a visual?  Imagine if a bunch of really shitty actors decided to make their own movie. And I mean really shitty. Imagine if Keanu Reeves, Hayden Christensen, and Nicholas Cage were in a movie together...starring Steven Seagal.  That movie would STILL be more entertaining than the '09 Rams.

So what can we expect from the Rams in 2010?


Running back Steven Jackson is the ONLY reason this team is worth watching. Jackson quietly put together his best (and healthiest) season since 2006, running for 1416 yards and leading the team with 51 receptions for another 322. But he pissed off fantasy owners like myself by only scoring 4 touchdowns all year...WHAT THE F&%@ STEVEN?

You'll be hard pressed to find any more strengths on this dumpster. They do have the badass name department taken care of, with a pretty good safety in Oshiomogho Atogwe. Youth could be another one, as St. Louis does have a solid core of young players (DE Chris Long, LB James Laurinaitis, WR Donnie Avery, and QB Sam Bradford) who theoretically can only improve. But that's gonna take time. Pllllllllllleeeeeeeeeeeeennnnty of time.


Um...everything? They couldn't pass (28th)...nor could they stop the pass (25th)...or the run for that matter (27th)...surrendered points like France in every single war ever (31st)...and couldn't score period (32nd). Basically they were like this.


The Rams weren't very active in free agency. Sure they got rid of washed up QB Marc Bulger and the always shitty Kyle Boller. But their marquee signing of 2010? Fred Robbins. Seriously. Fred. Robbins.

But their draft was a step in the right direction. I'm not sold on QB Sam Bradford, especially after the shoulder injury he suffered last season, but he's definitely an upgrade over an old man and this loser. OT Rodger Saffold (Indiana) was a solid pick to keep Bradford upright...some day. And they got some high upside picks in 3rd round corner Jerome Murphy (South Florida), 4th round wide out Mardy Gilyard (Cincinnati), and 7th round DE George Selvie (South Florida, and the 2007 Defensive Player of the Year). Not bad. But experience is going to hurt this team in 2010.


Bradford is the real deal, Donnie Avery is the next Steve Smith (the real Steve Smith), and the Rams offense starts scoring like its 1999 (scores at all more like it).  Steven Jackson rushes for 1,800 yards with the help of an actual passing game. Meanwhile, the Rams defense starts off slow, but sees enormous strides from Chris Long as Laurainitis and Atogwe anchor an average D. St. Louis shocks the NFL with a 6-10 season (albeit in a weak NFC West).


The injury bug Steven Jackson tears both his knees and Sam Bradford re-injures his shoulder, resulting in EVEN FEWER points from the league's worst scoring offense. Meanwhile, Oshiomogho Atogwe changes his name to "Thurman Murman". Then in November, Stan Kroenke's bid to buy the Rams succeeds, and he immediately announces he'll move the team to Los Angeles.   The Rams slug through the lowest scoring season in NFL history, getting shut out for all of December, and join the '08 Lions at 0-16.


It doesn't look good for St. Louis when you add it all up.  The Nightmare scenario is pretty extreme...but when you add up an aging running back with a rookie QB, tons of youth and no're 100% going to get a very long season in St. Louis. Head coach Steve Spagnuolo has his work cut out for him.


Well well well...Tomlinson actually IS a douchebag

ESPN: LaDainian Tomlinson is a New York Jet, but he can't seem to escape his Chargers identity -- his former San Diego teammates won't let him. Responding to comments made about him by Philip Rivers and Antonio Gates, Tomlinson told the New York Post that he has "moved on." Rivers had told the San Diego Union-Tribune that it was a "relief" to start camp without Tomlinson looming over the team.

"I don't know how everyone feels or if they felt it," Rivers told the newspaper. "Maybe it was a little bit of a relief. Maybe it's a feeling of, 'I can do a little more without wondering what he thinks.'"

I've been calling Tomlinson a douchebag for years. What can I say...I'm just a natural born hater. And as a Patriots fan its been easy as hell to hate this man.

Yeah he was a damn good running back on a perennial AFC power. But that's not why this guy ticks me off. You know me to

There was the whining...more whining...and full blown crying. Then there was the whole "If you're not cheating, you're not trying" dig at the Pats right after Spygate. And who could forget his "Cowardice" episode, where L.T. sat out the 2007 AFC Championship with a bruised ego (or something like that) while his teammate Philip Rivers gutted it out on a torn knee.

But I sure am glad to find out I'm not the only guy who hates him. Cause even though his teammates were too classy to say it outright, it seems like they were totally sick of his presence in the locker. This has been Philip Rivers' team since LT chickened out in the 2007 AFC Championship. They're glad to have the looming shadow of a washed up player out of their faces.

Just like I'm glad my irrational bias has once again been proven right. BOOM.


Thursday, August 5, 2010

Favre's "Retiring" and Hell may be about to freeze over, but the Vikings are STILL cursed

ESPN: Brett Favre's spectacular stint with the Minnesota Vikings might be over.  Favre has informed the Vikings he will not return to Minnesota for a second season, according to multiple reports.

Favre has sent text messages to teammates saying, "This is it," league sources told ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter.

Does anyone actually believe this? I don't think there's one person who follows the NFL and doesn't think Favre (or any Favre related story) is completely full of crap.

But on the off chance that this guy DID indeed retire, the Vikings could not be more up shit's creek.

Why? Because of their own stupidity. They thought his ankle was fine (apparently not) assuming he'd DEFINITELY come back to the Vikings. There was no backup plan. The 2010 season was entirely based on an assumption. NOICE.

They could've traded for Donovan McNabb…or a variety of non-totally awful QBs (Jason Campbell, Derek Anderson, etc.). But the Vikings decided to stay on their knees and keep “pleasing” Favre. And now they could be stuck with crap-jobs Sage Rosenfels and Tavaris Jackson...prompting this outburst.

The most hilarious part of this (200,000th) chapter of FAVREWATCH is Minnesota’s desperation. According to the Minneapolis Star-Tribune, the Vikings have offered a $3 million raise to Favre to bring him back. But if the ankle’s the problem, how the hell will money make Brett healthy? What are they gonna do…tape it up with thousand dollar bills?

I still don’t believe this story. Brett will do anything to feed his massive douchey ego...I mean keep playing football. Today, we saw Favre tell ESPN’s Ed Werder has “no idea” what he’s gonna do. Believe me...he has an idea:

A. Skip training camp
B. Bro out in some Levis
C. Have own ESPN decision special
D. Join team at last possible second
E. Throw season ending pick

Can’t wait.


Wednesday, August 4, 2010

Wes Welker: Superhuman

PFT: Wes Welker's stay on the physically unable to perform list was a brief one. Patriots director of player personnel Nick Caserio revealed Sunday morning that Welker passed his physical and will return to the field for the team's morning practice.

BAM. The whole NFL saw this...and collectively crapped themselves. Suddenly the Patriots AREN'T dead in the water, and all of New England has a raging hard on. SUPER BOWL. CUE THE EVIL EMPIRE MUSIC.

I'm not sure where I stand as the resident Pats fan. On one hand I'm ecstatic the NFL's resident badass is back. But on the other, knee injuries take both time to heal AND EVEN MORE TIME to get over mentally. And for a player like Welker, a receiver who excels because of his route running and lateral quickness, who knows how long he'll take to get back to form.

Then again, this guy is probably the NFL's toughest...yes toughest...seriously toughest son of a bitch. If there's anyone who'd work their asses off more to get back on the field, it's this guy. I just hope he's let his knees heal enough.

PS: How funny is it that a guy that tore his knee up 6 months ago is cleared for training camp...and a lineman whose done nothing all off-season except cash a $21 million dollar paycheck is not. Sorry Footsteps "Wannabe Welker" Falco.


Tuesday, August 3, 2010

Some Guys Just Can't Run

In my last post, I promised that I would never ever write another sentence about a certain Redskins defensive lineman when he said that he didn't want to play in D.C. anymore. But since he decided to eventually drag his ass to camp, I decided to make a few concessions. I'll still write about him, but I'm gonna call him other things instead of his name.

Anyway, I'm not that bitter anymore and I think the situation is kinda funny now. The oxygen thief said he was too good for the switch to the 3-4 defense and implied that he didn't need to "come down to our level," and when he finally did show up, he can't even pass a simple conditioning test to practice with the team. How beautifully ironic is that? That's like the PG-Train losing his voice right before the FCC let him say anything he wanted on the air.

And then overgrown Chunk from the Goonies failed the test again and couldn't even try the next few days due to "injury," which caused the entire football world and D.C. area to collectively laugh right in Jellybowl's face.

First of all, Stay-Puft was the only Redskin that had to take the test because he missed minicamp while he was busy whining about his situation. That definitely adds to the entire comedy. And in case you're wondering about what the test was that the former Pro Bowler couldn't handle, it's basically six 50-yard sprints that have to be done in 70 seconds the first run and 73 seconds the next run. A reporter from Comcast SportsNet passed the test, as did Mike Golic on NFL Live. Yeah, Golic did it. He's 47.

Also, I know the test is a little different in Baltimore, but Terrence Cody managed to pass his drill (on the third try). If you've seen the guy, you'll realize that it makes the whole thing even funnier.

Oh, and Old Country Buffet could lose his entire $100 million plus contract if he doesn't eventually pass the test. I think I'm gonna end with that since I feel so great right now. Maybe I'll run a few sprints.


Monday, August 2, 2010

It's back...SO WE'RE BACK

It's August. That can only mean one thing. FOOTBALL.'s back, as the majority of teams across the NFL entered training camp this past weekend. And since I'm finally done with my summer jobs, it's time to get back to work on shoving the word of loudmouth down your throat. MY WORD IS LAW.

First off, we've made a couple of new additions to the site. See the address bar at the top? It actually works. You can check out our Stone Cold Killers and Jackasses of the year in our Hall of Fame and Hall of Shame.

Most importantly, starting tomorrow we'll be doing our reverse preseason power rankings...covering 32 teams in 32 days.  And I guess we'll be paying attention to Hard Knocks as the Jersey B Douchebags...I mean New York Jets...get ready for camp on HBO.  LET THE MADNESS BEGIN.


Monday, July 5, 2010

JaMarcus Russell: Redefining Rock Bottom

ESPN - Former Oakland Raiders quarterback JaMarcus Russell has been charged with possession of a controlled substance -- codeine syrup -- after being arrested at his home in Alabama on Monday, authorities said.

We have to re-examine the whole "biggest bust of all time" thing. It goes without saying that Ryan Leaf at least WAS the worst draft pick in NFL history. San Diego took the Leafster at number 2 in 1998, and from them on made an art of shitting himself on and off the football field. After he left the NFL, he took a job as a college coach at West Texas A&M. He certainly thrived there, as he ended up stealing drugs, getting arrested, fired, and checking into rehab.

But now it appears that Mr. Russell is well on his way to stealing the title of "Worst Bust Ever" from Ryan Leaf. Think about it. This guy got $36 million over his brief stint in Oakland, funding a glorious Raider career of 23 interceptions, 15 fumbles, and a 65.2 passer rating. And was a number 1 pick. Leaf at least had the luxury of being a number 2 pick, and getting picked after Peyton Manning.

Meanwhile, the Raiders could have paid ME $1 to out-clown JaMarcus. I don't think I could have been much worse. Holy shit he sucked. Keep chugging that codeine bro.


Sunday, July 4, 2010


The USA kicks ass. Happy 4th of July bitches.


Sunday, June 27, 2010

The Detroit Lions still Suck...

ESPN- Detroit Lions president Tom Lewand is apologizing after he was arrested on suspicion of drunken driving while at a charity golf tournament in northern Michigan.

Lewand said in a statement Saturday night that he is "deeply sorry" for his actions and takes full responsibility.

Did the Detroit Lions really one up themselves within 24 hours of my last glass of haterade? Holy shit its worse up there then I thought!

A little sympathy for Tom. Because we all know we'd be drunk off our asses 24/7 if we were associated with this pathetic team. But crap Tom, you're 0-0 right now. You ain't 0-16 yet! Lay off the whiskey and wait till after week 1!


The Detroit Lions Suck...

A number of Lions players' wallets are going to be lighter once coach Jim Schwartz gets a look at Friday morning's final minicamp practice tape.

Schwartz had to cut the final practice of a three-day minicamp short after a second fight turned into an all-out brawl between the offense and defense. Schwartz stopped practice and screamed at his team at midfield for more than five minutes. He still was steaming as he talked to the media afterward.

I think it goes without saying that the Detroit Lions are already a complete joke of an NFL franchise. Thanksgiving after Thanksgiving I put the tube on to watch football. And Thanksgiving after Thanksgiving I get to see the Lions collectively shit their pants on national TV.

But it doesn't get much lower than this. Not just one, but two brawls in one practice? Holy crap. I know that being forced to play in Detroit sucks, and that it's embarrassing to be a Lion, but JESUS H. MURPHY. Get those boys on a leash Schwartz.


Saturday, June 26, 2010

The beginning of the end for Ron Mexico?

PFT: The news that a man was shot at a 30th birthday party for Eagles quarterback Michael Vick has taken a twist, with reports that Quanis Phillips, one of the co-defendants in the infamous dog fighting case that landed Vick in prison, was the victim in the shooting, and that he was shot after a confrontation with Vick.

According to Daily Press reporter David Squires, Phillips showed up to the party even though Vick is not supposed to be associating with any of his dog fighting co-defendants. Squires writes that there was a confrontation between Phillips and Vick inside the party, that the confrontation then moved outside, and that's when Phillips was shot.

Well, well, well Mr. Mexico. Just when we thought you'd put the whole "dog murderer" stuff on the back burner...POW of your old buddies shows up at your birthday party. And gets the shit shot out of him. CLASSIC VICK.

This is gonna get real ugly for Vick. I'm no expert, but I'm pretty sure that when you get in a "confrontation" with one of your dog fighting buddies, and then that buddy gets blasted, you're pretty much in deep shit. This should be fun to watch.


Thursday, June 24, 2010

Oh we go again

BILOXI SUN-HERALD: Brett Favre is riding his bicycle 8 miles, as recommended for rehab from his ankle surgery. And, he still hasn’t ruled out another season with Minnesota Vikings’ training camp slated to begin in less than a month. Those are just a few of the telltale signs that legendary quarterback and future Hall of Famer Brett Favre will play a 20th season.

In a Thursday morning interview with Sun Herald sports writer Al Jones, Favre, who had just finished an 8-mile bicycle ride, said: ‘‘I would love to go beat the Saints. I know I can still play at a high level. Last year was a great year, but it could have been better (winning NFC Championship).’’

I thought we were done with this. I honestly thought we wouldn't have to deal with this dumbass having to make up his mind all summer. Come on Brett. We all know your too lazy to go through training camp. It's fine if you don't show up for until the day before the first game. Who needs preparation? Time to get back in sync? It's Brett Freakin Favre!

Anyways, it wasn't like you lost the NFC Championship for the Vikes...right?


What the hell? You're coming now?

ESPN: Albert Haynesworth apparently hasn't been living up to his end of the deal on or off the football field.

Haynesworth issued a statement Wednesday saying he will report for training camp after staying away from the Washington Redskins all offseason trying to force a trade despite being paid a $21 million bonus in April.

"Despite my current differences with the Redskins, I have always planned to attend training camp and honor my contract," Haynesworth said in a statement released Wednesday through his agent.

So wait a minute Tubs. Didn't you just spend half the off-season bitching and moaning about how you don't want to be the snow-plow of the 3-4? Haven't you been trying to get yourself traded for the past month? Weren't you planning to not honor your contract? What the F!@#?

Has that little light bulb in Fat Albert's head go on? It sure as hell better have, because at this point, he can kiss any chances of leaving Washington good bye. Who the hell would want some fat load of crap who won't play in the 3-4 for $41 million guaranteed?

No one.


Football's for children...flag football's for WARRIORS

ESPN: CHARLOTTE, N.C. -- Carolina Panthers receiver Steve Smith will miss the start of training camp with a broken left forearm suffered while playing football...Flag football, that is.

Real cute ESPN...But in case you missed this, apparently Steve Smith broke his arm while playing flag football. Here's my question: How the hell is this a big deal?

Here's the fact of the matter. NFL players don't have the athletic talent for flag football. Period. Sure the NFL is cute, but the real pioneers of football, like myself, resign themselves to the flag game. There's a certain point where the NFL just isn't challenging anymore.

Clearly, Steve Smith felt he'd grown beyond the NFL. He was wrong. Flag football ain't for chumps, and he's finally realizing his limitations. That's why he's decided to retire from the game.

And that's where Steve Smith and I are different.*  Domination machines like me might break a finger or wrist playing flag ball, but they play through the pain. We're warriors. NFL players aren't.

That's why the odds of an NFL player successfully playing flag football are about as astronomical as finding out that Al Gore sexually harasses massage therapists.

Oh wait...

* Aside from our 40 times, hands, leaping abilities, agility, dance moves etc. **
** No comment on who's better


Relax children...I'm back

"Sorry" for not putting anything up in a while. Notice the quotation marks. In reality I'm "sorry" for working 50 hours a week for crap pay while you sit on your ass and stare at my dope ass site.

Anyhow, I'm least temporarily.


Wednesday, June 16, 2010

I Hope the Door Hits You on the Way Out

Albert Haynesworth reminds me of that kid. Everyone has seen the kid somewhere. He's whiny, spoiled, and stomps on the ground (get it?) bitching to his wealthy parents for a toy, not afraid to make a complete embarrassment of himself in front of complete strangers. Then when he gets his toy, he throws it away and asks for a new one.

This is Haynesworth in a nutshell (if that nutshell is the size of a baby blue whale).

His stint with the Titans gave everyone a little insight into his character, as I'm sure Andre Gurode would confirm, but the Redskins still played the part of anxious-to-please parents and gave him a new $100 million toy. And like any spoiled brat, Haynesworth acted like he cared for about 12 games, collected over $30 million, and pissed on the Redskins front office as if they disrespected him. It's completely shameful behavior.

But what else should we have expected from a guy that showed every indication of being a selfish prima donna when he came to D.C.? I have no respect for a guy that doesn't care about his teammates and treats his record-breaking contract as if it's an insult to him. Seriously dude, if you're getting paid $100 million to play football and the new well-respected coach wants to change defensive schemes, LEARN THE NEW FREAKING SCHEME.

In the early offseason this year, the Redskins made some moves that could be considered "counter-tradition," which essentially means they were intelligent and beneficial to the team. They didn't make splashy and unnecessary acquisitions (I guess not including McNabb and the running back stable if you count that), but went for solid guys who fit the system (Adam Carriker, Trent Williams, Vonnie Holliday, etc.). Mike Shanahan came into to instill some discipline and a winning attitude. Like the Kaiser Permanente kid would say, "Things were lookin' up."

But now Haynesworth hasn't come to mandatory training camp and is requesting a trade, and all of the 'Skins progress now lies in his "too fat to chase down the ice cream truck" shadow. I'm just making an assumption here, but we can all guess that he hasn't been spending this time getting fit, so he's probably not the svelte 350 pounder he used to be.

I mean if the 'Skins were the Goonies, we'd be asking him to do the Truffle Shuffle. He's the giant in The Princess Bride, but without sportsmanship. He's everyone in Wall-E. And now Haynesworth the Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man has come to destroy the city.

But seriously, there's no place for a guy like this in D.C., and I'll be happy once he's gone and somebody else's problem. I hate that selfishness attracts so much media attention, and I feel guilty that I'm contributing to that right now. So much so, in fact, that this is the last sentence that I'll ever write about Albert Haynesworth.


Wednesday, June 9, 2010

Golden Tate: Doughnut Thief

TMZ: NFL rookie star Golden Tate was "drunk" and "being retarded" when he broke into a donut shop in Washington and stole maple bars at 3 AM ... this according to the woman who called 911.

TMZ obtained the 911 call made on Saturday morning -- in which the Top Pot employee tells the dispatcher Golden and a friend snuck in through an unlocked door, stole keys and a bunch of donuts ... and then ran off.

Golden later said he broke into the place because the smell of the maple bars was "irresistible."

Really dude? Maple bars? As a connoisseur of drunken dishes, I'm gonna hand it to you straight Golden. Maple Bars are shit. When you're wasted, you damn sure better stagger your ass into a Waffle House and slam home about 5 of those waffles. The more unnecessary food the better.

And why the hell are you jacking these Maple Bars? What are they like 5 cents? Seriously bro, if your Maple bar addiction is so bad, why the hell don't you just buy the damn store. COME ON GOLDIE!

Btw, the voicemail at this link is out of control. F@!# where are my keys? Probably back at Kappa Kappa Kappa biaaaaatch.


Wednesday, May 26, 2010


BREAKING NEWS: The NFL voted today to host the 2014 Super Bowl at New Meadowlands Stadium in East Rutherford New Jersey. It'll be the first time since the 1966 merger of the NFL and AFL that the league championship will take place outside in a northern stadium.

Strange huh? The "New York"/New Jersey bid won the bid by pushing that A: awesome NFL historical moments have taken place in the freezing cold (the Ice Bowl, Snow Bowl/Tuck Rule game, and Brett Favre shitting his pants against the Giants) plus B: the game's in "New York". Game winner.

I'm not sure where I stand with this one. Sure the Super Bowl's going to be in some crappy weather. But wouldn't you rather have a Super Bowl outdoors in "New York" instead of some shithole like the Hubert H. Humphrey Metrodome in Canada or Minnesota or wherever the hell it is, or in f@#!$%* DETROIT? Not even a question.

But then again, it's not like they're gonna be playing in New York, like when they used to play the NFL Championship at Yankee Stadium. It's in JERSEY. NORTH JERSEY. The same place that ACTUALLY SMELLS LIKE SEWAGE. The same place that made all the losers from the Jersey Shore famous for BEING DOUCHEBAGS. I don't care if it's near New York City or in a brand new stadium. Jersey is f!@#$%^& Jersey. Should we really degrade the Super Bowl to East Rutherford?

Jersey-bashing aside, Super Bowl 48 will be cool to watch, especially if the whether gets nasty (key: On an HDTV with the heat cranked up). According to a Giant season ticket holder, we shouldn't expect snow. But you can expect a hell of a lot of wind and some freezing ass weather.

I'm totally down for that. With all these mamby pamby rules girlifying the league, its about time the NFL goes back to its roots with some tough football in the freezing cold. Maybe we'll even see more legitimate football fans and less corporate idiots at the game.

What do you guys think? Vote in the poll or leave a comment. I'm too lazy to write anymore so do some work for once in your godforsaken lives.


Friday, May 21, 2010

NFC West Draft Grades: Quarterbacks Optional

Sorry this is so late (not really). Also sorry that we're actually grading the NFC West (completely).

When I think about the NFC West, the first thing I think of (outside of pathetic football, boring football, and "the NFC West is a real division?") are craptastic quarterbacks. Think about it.

San Fran's Alex Smith is one of the most pathetic first-overall quarterbacks I've ever seen (yet he still has a job, and delusional Niner fans think they still have a chance). Seattle's Matt Hasselbeck is like 300 years old and looks like a geezer out there. Meanwhile, gone is Kurt Warner in Arizona. Partyboy Matt Leinart will take over for him. That's grrreat...yeah...And entering draft day, the Rams had no one. So you'd think come draft day that a new QB would be on the minds of everyone in the division.

Wrong. Whatever. I'm through trying to figure out this division.


Remember when the Cardinals were good? Say no more. After losing LB Karlos Dansby, S Antrel Rolle, WR Anquan Boldin, and QB Kurt Warner in just one off-season, the Cardinals transformed from the only relevant team in the division to a steaming pile of shit. Basically, by drafting ANYONE they'd improve. But they did pretty good. Tennessee defensive tackle Dan Williams was a steal towards the end of the first round, and will be counted on as the anchor of their 3-4 scheme. Midway through the second the Cards took TCU linebacker Daryl Washington to step in for Dansby. But the Cardinals should have taken a quarterback. Party-boy Matt Leinart couldn't beat out an old man (with exceptional talents) for the starting job in three years. What makes anyone think he'll play well without Anquan Boldin? Nothing. This ain't ball room dancing bro. This is the NFL.


Take this with a grain of salt San Fran because Alex Smith is still your QB. But that's the only thing keeping the Niners from getting an A. Head coach Mike Singletary preaches smash mouth football, and beefed up the offensive line with two first-rounders to pave holes for RB Frank Gore. Rutgers tackle Anthony Davis and Idaho guard Mike Iupati were both smart picks for San Fran. USC safety Taylor Mays in round 2 and Penn State linebacker Navorro Bowman in round 3 will bring more toughness to the defense.


Like San Fran, the Seahawks had the luxury of 2 first rounders to work with. Oklahoma State tackle Russell Okung was the best offensive lineman in this draft and Texas safety Earl Thomas has unmatched versatility as a hybrid corner-safety. Meanwhile, Notre Dame WR Golden Tate could be the steal of the draft. BUT WHY THE HELL DIDN'T THEY DRAFT A QB? Matt Hasselbeck may have taken Seattle to the promised land a few years back, but he gets injured more than Kenny McKormick. You need a backup and a future at the position, and Charlie Whitehurst is neither.


Unlike the rest of the division, the Rams actually did draft a QB, taking Oklahoma's Sam Bradford with the very first pick of the draft. But after that pick, the Rams didn't make any picks that stand out. Indiana Offensive tackle/guard Rodger Saffold gives the Rams flexibility on the offensive line, but taking gambling South Florida corner Jerome Murphy with the first pick of the third was a bit of a reach. In short, the Rams were horrible, are still horrible, and this draft didn't help out much.

SEATTLE SEAWHAWKS, R:1 P:6, Russell Okung, OT, Oklahoma State

Just an absolute monster. Taking this man was probably the only reason that the Seahawks didn't draft a backup QB, as Seattle feels he'll be able to keep Hasselbeck from getting hurt. It probably increases his chances, but the fact remains: Matt Hasselbeck is made of glass.

SEATTLE SEAHAWKS, R:2 P:28, Golden Tate, WR, Notre Dame

People say this guy can't be a number 1 receiver because he's too short at 5'11. Bullshit. This guy has an outstanding vertical and great after the catch skills. Reminds me of Chris Chambers (before he sucked).

ST. LOUIS RAMS, R:1 P:1, Sam Bradford, QB, Oklahoma

Too easy. QB taken first overall? Didn't play the majority of his senior year because of a shoulder injury? Playing for the god damn Rams? Recipe for disaster. I hope he proves me wrong, but for all the money this dude will make he'll likely never actually earn that pay check.


Friday, May 14, 2010

NFC South Draft Grades: Apparently, Drafting is EASY

It's very rare to see an entire division draft well. Each has it's own village idiot, from the Buffalo Bills to the Jacksonville Jaguars, who year in and year out will find a way to make this dumbass look smart.

But somehow, the only NFL division with four southeastern teams somehow made "edjamacated" decisions. Go figure. Here are the NFC South Draft grades.


Hotlanta came into the draft looking for a pass rushing defensive end. Didn't happen. When Brandon Graham went to the Eagles at 13, Jason Pierre Paul to the G-Men at 15, and Derrick Morgan to Tennessee at 16, they were !@#$ out of luck (though they could have made me look good by picking Jerry Hughes out of TCU). So they went to need number 2 with the best guy left on their board: Sean Witherspoon out of Missouri. Great pick. Kid's fast and will be a great weak-side linebacker in Atlanta's Tampa 2. 5th round pick Dominique Franks (CB, Oklahoma) was excellent value towards the bottom of the draft.


The Panthers had no pick in the first round. Yet despite sitting on their asses for an entire day doing nothing, they still had one of the best drafts in the NFC. Why? Because Notre Dame's QB Jimmy Clausen, a projected top ten pick, fell into their laps. Apparently, Clausen fell all the way out of the first because he's a major prick (see picture above). But Carolina didn't care, nor should they. San Diego's Philip Rivers is the epitome of douchebag, yet he's one of the top 5 quarterbacks in the NFL. And to land top ten talent midway through round 2? Ridiculous. Add high value third round pick Brandon Lafell (WR, LSU) and 4th rounder Eric Norwood (LB, South Carolina), and the Carolina Cats had themselves a dandy draft.


Like Carolina, the Saints had few picks to work with. But all things considered Stormin' N'Orleans did a damn good job with their first two picks. As the Old Man can attest, first round pick Patrick Robinson (CB Florida State) was a force on defense with the Seminoles, and will give the Super Bowl Champs more depth at a fairly deep but not particularly strong position. Meanwhile, drafting USC tackle Charles Brown was smart, giving N'Orleans an option at left tackle in a few years down the road.


The Bucs had the best draft in the NFL. Fact. Despite not taking players at every position of need, the Pewter Pirates outdid themselves at the draft. Sure they didn't draft a safety or shore up the offensive line. But to be fair, they completely sucked last season so drafting a quadriplegic would have made a vast improvement. Anyhow, Tampa landed some damn good players, starting with Oklahoma defensive tackle Gerald McCoy at 3 overall. He may not be as strong as Ndamukong Suh, but he makes up for it with his speed and pass rushing ability...something perfect for the Bucs. 2nd round UCLA DT Brian Price will help McCoy anchor the line and 4th round corner Myron Lewis out of Vandy will help the secondary immediately. But what the Bucs drafted for young QB Josh Freeman made this draft class special. Illinois WR Arrelious Benn in the early 2nd will provide an immediate target for Freeman, as will 4th round wideout Mike Williams out of Syracuse.

CAROLINA PANTHERS R:2 P:16 Jimmy Clausen, QB, Notre Dame

Gerald McCoy is definitely the best drafted player. But to get first round talent like Clausen in the second round, especially when he's a potential franchise QB that won't command first round money is fantastic for Carolina. Even if he's sporting a Pauly-D-like blow out.


R:2 P:7 Arrelious Benn, WR, Illinois

R:4 P:3 Mike Williams, WR, Syracuse

The Bucs landed QB Josh Freeman two excellent targets with Benn and Williams. Benn was an outstanding WR coming out of high school, but ran into the misfortune of playing for coach Ron Zook and with QB Juice Williams. To be frank, both sucked. But the kid can catch the football and is a load to bring down when he gets his hands on the ball.

Meanwhile, Williams was statistically one of the best receivers in college football until he quit the team mid-season, and as a guy who witnessed this kid first hand on many occasions, he was a damn good player. Especially when you consider that he was double teamed on every play and that his QB Greg Paulus was completely awful. The character issues are a concern, but Mike's talent speaks for itself. If he behaves, the Buccaneers could have a major offensive weapon for years to come.

ATLANTA FALCONS R:1 P:19 Sean Witherspoon, LB, Missouri

This is less an assumption that Witherspoon will be a bust, and more the fact that there are very few players drafted in the NFC South that fit the "bust" category. But keep in mind that Witherspoon was not the pass rushing defensive end that Hotlanta wanted in the first round. Linebackers are nice, but if you can't rush the quarterback you are screwed in this league.


Thursday, May 13, 2010

NFC North Draft Grades

Now the NFC North isn't everyone's favorite division (except maybe an anonymous commenter who may have had a thing for Rex Grossman), but there's still a pretty good amount of controversy between the four teams. You had the Favre situation, the Cutler situation, some bitter rivalries...and the Lions.

I'm gonna make this as quick as I can, so here's what I thought about what the NFC North did on draft weekend.


Da Bears had a while to wait before participating in the draft party, but I thought they made it count with safety Major Wright in the 3rd round. They snagged a monster in DE Corey Wootton in the 4th round, who looks like their best pick right now. The Bears might have taken a sleeper with QB Dan LeFevour in the 6th round, a guy who was Tebow-like successful in college, but Cutler is the guy for the next few years. Bottom line: they almost made their 5 picks count, but they passed on a receiver and didn't take an O-Lineman 'til the 7th round.


The Lions made a splash in the 1st round, taking Ndamukong "He's a Wrecking Machine" Suh and RB Jahvid Best. Both should start/get significant playing time, and they seem to be creating some more fan interest in a team that hasn't been to the playoffs since '99 (and who play play in Detroit. That's a double whammy.) Oh, and 3rd round pick CB Amari Spievey could be the nickel back (who are from Canada. Ouch.) And just look at Tim Toone (a.k.a. Mr. Irrelevant).


Green Bay didn't go for a rush linebacker like I thought they would (passing up guys like Hughes and Kindle), but they waited and had OT Bryan Bulaga fall into their laps at #23. It was a great pick for an aging line, and they addressed the 3-4 defensive need in the 2nd with DT/DE Mike Neal. SS Morgan Burnett was a beast in college and could compete for a job in the secondary. The Packers didn't stand out, but they went for depth and this class could produce a few starters down the line.


The Favres stepped out of the 1st round but still got a solid corner with Chris Cook in the 2nd. I love the Toby Gerhart pick later in the 2nd round, and he should be a great supporting back to Adrian Peterson with Chester Taylor gone. The best pick probably came in the 4th round with the pick they got from the Lions. They took DE Everson Griffen from USC, who I had going in the late 1st round and who has the potential to be huge in the NFL. Oh ya, you betcha.

DETROIT LIONS R:1 P:2 Ndamukong Suh, DT Nebraska

Come on. The boy can play some football. He can play left, he can play right, it don't make no difference. He can block, tackle, score the touchdown, snap the ball and kick the extra point. The boy will fill up the Gatorade cooler, walk the dog, and paint your back porch. AND HE CAN PASS!

MINNESOTA VIKINGS R:4 P:100 Everson Griffen, DE USC

I'm saying this purely on potential and because he wasn't a 1st round pick (like Jason Pierre-Paul). The Vikings may have landed a future sack artist in exchange for moving down 4 spots from the 1st round to the 2nd.

DETROIT LIONS R:1 P:30 Jahvid Best, RB California

Just for the record, I don't really believe that he's gonna be a bust. I just don't think he's gonna last long enough to be great. The Lions have a questionable offensive line and Best has injury problems (mainly concussions), so we'll see if he has what it takes to have an extended career.


Wednesday, May 5, 2010

AFC West Draft Grades

The AFC West is not on the same level as the NFC East (in talent or familiarity for me), and I don't pretend to keep a close eye on it during the offseason. But while the prestige might not be there, Al Davis is, and that makes the division newsworthy on its own. So here are my thoughts on what Raider Nation and their fearless/ageless/clueless leader did in this year's draft, along with the other 3 teams that aren't as fun to talk about.


This class was ridiculously difficult to judge, and we probably won't know whether it's good or terrible for another couple of years. It really all depends on Tim Tebow. If he turns out to be a decent NFL player, then I'd give the Broncos closer to an A. If he busts, it's gotta be around a C. Josh McDaniels and the Broncos think WR Demaryius Thomas has what it takes to be a stud, which is why they kept trading back for picks and still took him over Dez Bryant. I really like the picks of WR Eric Decker and CB Perrish Cox, who both should provide depth and have starting potential. CB Syd'Quan Thompson fell to the 7th round because the guy runs about as fast as Tebow, but he's really physical and could contribute if he makes the team.


As much as it originally seemed like the Chiefs would take an O-Lineman at #5, I have no problem with Eric Berry there. If he really is Ed Reed (or something close to him), he'll look like a bargain. The problem is that Pioli and staff waited until the 3rd round (their 4th pick) to grab a lineman, Illinois' Jon Asomoah. I think Dexter McCluster and Javier Arenas can both contribute this year, with Arenas serving as a dangerous return man who might remind some Chiefs fans of Dante Hall. Keep an eye on McCluster to be a Darren Sproles-type player for the Chiefs.


I know, right? I don't know if Al Davis slept through the weekend, but the Raiders actually landed a pretty good draft class. LB Rolando McClain might not have been a necessity at #8, but the guy is an absolute beast and has the tools to be a Pro Bowler. DT Lamarr Houston was a great pick in the 2nd round, and they followed that up with two mammoth offensive tackles in rounds 3 and 4 (including Maryland's Bruce Campbell, who I had them taking in the 1st round). They returned to form by taking WR/returner Jacoby Ford, who was the fastest man at the Combine (just watch him run). Oh, and they got that guy Jason Campbell to (hopefully) replace that other guy. Something Russell, I think.


The Chargers didn't do much this draft, but that's mainly because they gave up a few picks to ensure they got RB Ryan Mathews, their replacement for LT. I don't really have a problem with that. When your team is as talented as the Chargers with a glaring hole somewhere, I think it's OK to sacrifice some depth to get your guy. They got a few likely role players here and there, but their best pick was probably DT Cam Thomas in the 5th round. They desperately needed a nose tackle to replace Jamal Williams, and they landed the able Thomas after passing on Terrence Cody.

KANSAS CITY CHIEFS R:1 P:5 Eric Berry, S Tennessee

Berry was #3 on my Big Board, and there's no question in my mind that he is the AFC West's best rookie. Fast, athletic, and instinctive, Berry will revamp the Chiefs struggling secondary and has the potential to be a top-5 safety in the NFL.

OAKLAND RAIDERS R:4 P:106 Bruce Campbell, OT Maryland

This one was interesting because if he was drafted in the 1st round like I thought, I would have called him the "future bust" of this division. But the Raiders waited and waited, and eventually landed the most athletic lineman in a long time. This is a steal because they picked another lineman before him, and he has time to develop his huge potential before he has to start.

DENVER BRONCOS R:1 P:22 Demaryius Thomas, WR Georgia Tech

I know you all thought I was gonna go with Tebow here but I don't think anyone really thinks that he'll be a star, and that's an important part of the "bust" status. Thomas has great size and can be a good NFL receiver, no doubt about it, but he's built more as a deep threat and the Broncos don't have anyone who can chuck it down the field. Plus, they took him over Dez Bryant. He might burn out in Denver.


Thursday, April 29, 2010

NFC East Draft Grades

I already briefly covered a couple NFC East teams and my thoughts on their drafts, but I wanted to step back and take a look at what many consider to be the best division in the NFL. Sorry, Old Man, but I'll put the NFC East as a whole up against your AFC South any day.


As much as it pains me to admit it, the Cowboys actually did a solid job in this year's draft. They stole WR Dez Bryant (a top-15 talent) at #24 because of character concerns, and he should be a nice fit to start opposite Miles Austin right away. I think we can all assume that Roy Williams is on his way out in Dallas. They got a nice inside linebacker in Sean Lee in the 2nd round, and he might be able to contribute with a little work. Probably a backup and special teamer right now. I'm not too familiar with the rest of their thin draft class, but I know that OT Sam Young spent a long time protecting the blind side of Notre Dame quarterbacks, and he could end up paying off as a 6th round pick. Dallas went for value over position and it should help out in the long run.


The Giants went back to the well again in this draft and chose defensive line help with their first two selections with Jason Pierre-Paul and Linval Joseph. I'm not too high on these guys, and I think the G-Men could have done more by trading back for someone like LB Sean Weatherspoon in the 1st round. I also think DE Derrick Morgan will have a better career than Pierre-Paul, who has all the makings of a guy who can either explode or implode in the NFL. I do like the middle of their draft, as they nabbed safety/relief pitcher extraordinaire Chad Jones in the 3rd, LB Phillip Dillard in the 4th and OG Mitch Petrus in the 5th. Dillard is the guy who could make the biggest impact in this group of guys, Petrus can probably lift a truck, and Jones has a wicked slider on the hill. That last one might not be important to Giants fans, but I'm a baseball guy too.


As I said in my original recap of the draft, I really like what the Eagles did. They racked up 13 picks, drafted quality players, and gave the Redskins Donovan McNabb (I like that one from a more biased point of view). Earl Thomas would have been great at #13, but DE/LB Brandon Graham should be a stud too and a nice pass rushing complement to Trent Cole. 2nd round pick Nate Allen has a lot of potential at safety and projects as a starter very soon. But my favorite part of this draft was the bulk of solid players that were taken in late rounds, such as CB Trevard Lindley, DE/LB Ricky Sapp, RB Charles Scott, WR Riley Cooper, DT Jeff Owens and SS Kurt Coleman. All of these players had success in college, and it's easy to take chances when you have 13 picks. Only thing that doesn't seem right was the Mike Kafka pick. That one was a little odd. Maybe Eagles fans already tried to kick Kevin Kolb outta town.


Like I said before, there's not much to talk about here. OT Trent Williams was a solid pick and a good fit, but I can't help but thinking that the 'Skins passed on the best O-Lineman in the draft. No picks after that until the 4th round because of the McNabb trade and the Jeremy Jarmon pick in last year's supplemental draft, but I count those as two wins. LB Perry Riley (4th round) can help out with depth in the middle of the new 3-4 defense, and Adam Carriker (who was acquired from the Rams for a 5th rounder) might start at defensive end. A lot of depth guys were taken this year, and my favorite is OT Selvish Capers. This guy should not have been available in the 7th round, and projects as an athletic right tackle who can develop into a starter (especially on this O-Line). I think the 'Skins did a solid job with the limited picks that they had.

PHILADELPHIA EAGLES R:1 P:13 Brandon Graham, DE/LB Michigan

Graham was my top-rated linebacker on the board but functions just as well as a defensive end. He should be as good as former teammate Lamarr Woodley in Pittsburgh.

WASHINGTON REDSKINS R:7 P:231 Selvish Capers, OT West Virginia

The guy can play and has limited experience on the offensive line (converted tight end), but spent a couple years paving the way for Pat White, Steve Slaton and Noel Devine. If he makes the team and learns a few things about zone blocking, he has the potential to be a good starter in the NFL.

NEW YORK GIANTS R:1 P:15 Jason Pierre-Paul, DE South Florida

It's not easy to call a 1st round pick a bust so quickly and I'm not totally convinced about it, but there are so many things about this guy that worry me. Limited experience (as opposed to Capers who won't start right away), iffy technique, too much reliance on pure athleticism. If he gets lost and doesn't have the mindset to be patient, he won't make it far in this league.


AFC North Draft Grades

Do you miss the days of hard-nosed football? Do you miss those days where there were no pass interference calls until the ball was in the air, those days where the way to win a game was to run the ball and stop the run, or those days where, basically, being a pussy was not allowed? Unfortunately I wasn't even born when that was the way football was played. In fact, the Baltimore Ravens weren't even a team. Regardless, these teams have been trying to keep that tradition going, and they held strong in the draft. Here is my draft grade of the AFC North.

Baltimore Ravens: A-

I really think the personnel department for the Baltimore Ravens did their job. The Ravens didn't have a first round pick (their first pick came in at 43 in the second round), yet they were still able to get a lot of talent. Their first three choices were stellar. I am surprised they were able to get all three. Sergio Kindle (baffling to me) fell all the way into the second round. Kindle will provide excellent rush off the edge. Terrence Cody, probably the best value pick out of the AFC North will help control the trenches so those dominant Raven linebackers will be able to run freely. Then, with the third pick, the Ravens draft Ed Dickson, the tight end out of Oregon. He adds much needed firepower to help Flacco to reach his potential. This could be Baltimore's breakout season if these draftees play well, which they should.

Cincinnati Bengals: B-

A lot of people complained about the pick the Jaguars made in taking Tyson Alualu at the 10 spot. However, how can you draft Jermaine Gresham with the #21 pick? He did not play a down of football last season. I know Palmer needs some more weapons in the passing game, but that is all Gresham provides. He is definitely a talent, but being a one-dimensional tight end who hasn't played in over a year should not warrant a first round pick. However, the rest of the draft class looks really strong. The value is tremendous with their pair of third round picks in Jordan Shipley and Brandon Ghee. Shipley can become an immediate starter with a fairly weak wide receiver corps. Looks like Palmer got the weapons he needed, but that first round pick bothers me. There were so many better players on the board.

Cleveland Browns: B

Drafting the best corner prospect out of an immensely deep defensive draft will surely help you. Joe Haden will be an instant starter and be one of the top corners in the league by the year's end. TJ Ward out of Oregon should also help that defense. Although most see Colt McCoy as the Brown's future, I ain't buying it. He can win. So can Tebow. But if you can't make the throws, you can't play quarterback in the NFL. McCoy doesn't have the strongest of arms, and (unlike Tebow) isn't something you can really work on. You're either blessed with a strong arm or not. McCoy doesn't have it. The short game can only work for so long. However, Montario Hardesty and Larry Asante were great picks. Hardesty is the typical cold-weather type back. Hardesty may not be the fastest, but he can run. Asante, even though a fifth rounder, will help in that porous secondary. He may not be an immediate starter, but will be a contributor nonetheless. Cleveland is collecting talent, and look to be one good draft and a (serious) quarterback away from playoff contenders.

Pittsburgh Steelers: C+

The Steelers' need some type of pick-me-up after the off-field shenanigans of Ben Roethlisberger and Santonio Holmes. Well, free-agency didn't help and the draft surely didn't do it either. They were able to get some big name guys, like Maurkice Pouncey, but none are definitely flashy. Not that that is a bad thing, there's just no "wow" to the Steelers' draft class. If you know anything about Pittsburgh, though, it's that they can maximize their player's potential. They are probably one of the best teams to be able to do that. Unfortunately, the Steelers have lost that edge since they lost Cowher.

Steal of the Draft: Terrence Cody, DT, Alabama
Bust of the Draft: Carlos Dunlap, DE, Florida


AFC East Draft Grades: His Hoodedness Baffles the World...Again

Successfully predicting a New England Patriot draft class is about as easy as knowing what the !*@# is ever going on in Lost. Literally impossible. They defy the conventional, trade down about a bazillion times, and draft players that make Todd McShay and Mel Kiper crap bricks.

But for a Patriot fan like myself, even though sitting through a Belichick draft is more entertaining than watching that acid trip excuse of a TV Show (Seriously what the crap happened since season 2?), it's still nerve-racking as hell. Why? Because the Pats never draft the position they need the most, and trade further and further down as each draft progresses. Sure they load up on picks. And sure they supposedly draft "the best player available". But neither strategy has paid dividends the past 3 years, as New England has seen countless veteran pieces of the dynasty days (2001-04, and 07 too) disappear.

Yet despite all the strange happenings come every draft day in New England, in "Big Balls Bill" we still (blindly) trust year after year. Here's hoping that the newest Patriots pay dividends down the road.

Rant aside, here are my AFC East Draft Grades.


After another crappy draft, the Bills once again proved that EVERYONE circles the wagons better than their sorry asses. When your team has no offensive line and a pathetic quarterback, taking a running back like C.J. Spiller (no matter how good) is mind boggling. Especially when you already have two capable running backs in Fred Jackson and Marshawn Lynch. Even more so when there's like 200 capable first round linemen/Qbs, and whatever the hell else this pathetic franchise needs (still a lot). There's a reason the Bills are always in the toilet...and once again they proved it draft day. Steve Tasker is not walking through that door children.


A couple weeks ago, I said this is the draft that would win or lose the 2010 AFC East Crown for the Miami Dolphins. But unfortunately for them I don't think they got the job done. Jared Odrick was actually a pretty good pick round 1 as a DE in the 3-4 scheme of the 'Phins, but passing up on a pass rushing OLB like Sergio Kindle out of Texas will come to haunt them in 2010 (especially after losing Jason Taylor and the man once known as Joey Porter). Utah's Koa Misi (taken 40th overall) may be the guy, but Miami will regret no taking Kindle.


I wasn't that thrilled with New England's first day selection of Rutgers CB Devin McCourty. Sure he's an athletic corner and special teams ace, but the Patriots had more holes than the Iraqi Navy entering the draft and CB was not a priority. However, the Pats more than made up for it Day 2 and 3. 2nd round Tight End Rob Gronkowski out of Arizona is an absolute monster...6-5 260 with Jason Witten like skills...the only problem is if he can stay healthy (he missed all of 2009 after back surgery). Then the Pats started loading up on Florida Gators. SMART. OLB Jermaine Cunningham, ILB Brandon Spikes, and TE Aaron Hernandez (round 4) gave New England some much, much needed depth and serious talent. GATOR BALL BABY. All in all, after bringing home 12 picks...the Pats got tons of bodies. The question is whether any of these guys can step up and bring them back to the promised land.


As much as I hate the "Clown Car", the J-E-T-S did a pretty good job draft day considering the late (and few) picks they had. Landing Boise State corner Kyle Wilson was an absolute steal at 29, and with Darrell Revis there to mentor him, Wilson will have himself a hell of a career. Well, as long as Antonio Cromartie teaches Kyle that interceptions are a more important stat than having 200 kids (and counting). Versatile (and underrated) lineman Vladimir Ducasse (out of UMass round 2) can play tackle or guard for the Jets. I didn't really get the draft day trade of Leon Washington (why is everyone getting shipped off for 5th rounders?), but USC's Joe McKnight in round 4 (a guy who maybe underachieved in college but still has tremendous talent) was a good pickup. He'll need to step up big for New York.

BUFFALO BILLS R1 P9 - C.J. Spiller, RB, Clemson

When you have a top 10 pick, it's hard to NOT land the best player possible in your division. C.J. Spiller was not a big need for the Bills (with Fred Jackson and possibly traded Marshawn Lynch on board) but he's fast as hell and can pretty much do everything (run, catch, return). Except cover the gaping holes Buffalo has at pretty much every position.

NEW ENGLAND PATRIOTS R2 P42 - Rob Gronkowski, TE, Arizona

This guy was low on a lot of draft boards after missing all of 2009 due to back surgery. But when you're 6'5, 260 and have been compared to Jason Witten, you just might have a little bit of upside. Gronkowski will become one of Brady's go to guys by the end of 2010.

BUFFALO BILLS R2 P41 - Torrell Troup, DT, Central Florida

Hard to call a 2nd round pick a bust, but I have no idea what the hell the Bills saw in this guy, especially when entire-field clogging monster Terrence "Mount" Cody was still on the board. Horrible pick.


Tuesday, April 27, 2010

AFC South Draft Grades

Arguably the best division in the NFL over the past few years, this draft was especially important. Both the Indianapolis Colts and Tennessee Titans are in decline. Don't let the Super Bowl appearance fool you. The Colts were barely winning games, and the majority of their wins came from the other teams' lack of ability to finish a game. The other two teams, Jacksonville Jaguars and Houston Texans, are on the rise. Houston finally got over the .500 hump last season, and this season the Texans are poised to be my division favorites. The Jaguars underwent a huge youth movement, solidifying a core of young talent that will be productive for years to come.
The depth of defensive players in this draft is staggering. Out of the 32 picks the AFC South had, only 9 were offensive players. Here are my draft grades:

Indianapolis Colts: B

Bill Polian has been the reason the Colts have been so dominate (I just died a little) this past decade. Polian knows exactly what he is doing, and has been able to get the perfect personnel to adapt to the changing NFL. He has been able to accrue players that exemplify the finesse style that the NFL has been barreling towards. That's just one more reason why I hate the Colts. Jerry Hughes out of TCU is another one of those players. Fast, athletic, quick, this guy is a serious presence coming off the edge. Polian took an Iowa LB with their 2nd pick. He's a solid 235lbs, and should beef up the middle of that defense somewhat. They're going to need it with two of the best run games in the NFL in the Jaguars (Maurice Jones-Drew) and Titans (Chris Johnson). With the Texan's acquisition of Ben Tate, the Colts are going to start needing some big guys to slow down these rushing attacks.

Jacksonville Jaguars: B+

At first, I was pretty disappointed with our draft class. Then I remembered Gene Smith's first draft last year. Jacksonville probably had the best draft last year. Smith is an ardent believer in BAP (Best Available Player), and he stayed true. No team drafting need is going to take four defensive linemen in their first four picks. The only reason people might think that the #10 pick was a "reach" is the neither Kiper nor McShay had him on their boards. Tyson Alualu will be a disruptive force for years to come, and I am really excited to see him play. There have been reports coming out that there were several teams trying desperately to move up to take him. Miami was also ready to pick him up at the 12 spot. Before I criticize a draft class, I want to seem them play. Unfortunately, I need to give my grade now. The reports on some of these guys, including the trade Smith made to bring over veteran LB Kirk Morrison from Oakland, are getting a lot of praise. The other lineman, like Larry Hart and Austin Lane, look to provide a lot of depth. 3rd round pick, D'Anthony Smith, looks to be the third long term fixture in the interior line (along with Alualu and Terrance "Potroast" Knighton from last year).

Houston Texans: A-

The Houston Texans have been on the brink of the playoffs for the past few years. It looks like they were on their way in, but having been swept by the Jaguars and failing to close against the Colts twice, they were unable to get their first playoff berth in team history. Fortunately, they seemed to have been in the best position when it came to the 201 NFL Draft. I feel they had the best draft out of a solid divisional draft. Having picked up Kareem Jackson to replace Dunta Robinson was a great move. They could have gone with corner Kyle Wilson, but they were able to properly evaluate a top corner in the powerhouse conference, the SEC. Ben Tate is another great addition to the Texan's offensive firepower. I believe they finally found a back that can take over late in a game and finish for them. Steve Slaton will be able to move to a more fitting role, as a third down/specialty back, while Tate steps in as the feature back. Their offense is as complete as there is in the NFL. They were also able to add some much needed depth to their defense with the majority of their draft picks. The biggest surprise was how late they were able to get Trindon Holliday out of LSU. This guy will be a premier kick returner for years to come. Getting a starting role filled in like that with only a 6th round pick is very impressive.

Tennessee Titans: B

The Titans haven't been the same since Albert Haynesworth left. They
re defense was just not as dominant and intimidating. With Kyle Vanden Bosch gone as well, they needed some help in their front seven to put that intimidation factor back. Unfortunately, I don't think Derrick Morgan is going to help that much, but he will be a solid anchor on that line. A dependable, blue-collar type defensive end, the Titans are going to be able to start relaxing (somewhat). Tennessee was also able to solidify their secondary with some talented players like Myron Rolle. I think the most interesting pick of the draft in the AFC South is their drafting of Rusty Smith out of FAU in the 6th round. It might not seem like much, as he is not a big, household name. However, I do feel it's a statement to their situation at quarterback. Everyone knows Collins is done, but I think this is putting a deadline on Vince Young. Smith will be a developmental guy, but could see some significant playing time in the pre-season. He'll probably sit on the bench for a year or two, and step in as the starter. Jeff Fisher knows Young isn't the answer, and is looking for his franchise guy. At 6'5" and 230lbs with a strong arm, this guy could grow into something worth to watch. He'll be no Tom Brady or Peyton Manning, but you won't need one when you have a back like Chris Johnson running the ball.

Steal of the Draft: Trindon Holliday, KR, LSU
Bust of the Draft: Damian Williams, WR, USC


Monday, April 26, 2010

Draft Day Redemption in D.C.

With the PG Train starting up some chaos in Vegas and me playing some ball down in Connecticut, the Loudmouth staff couldn't come up with a timely recap of the 2010 NFL Draft. We'll try to make up for it.

I still haven't had a chance to do a complete analysis of every pick from Sam Bradford to Tim Toone/Gutter from PCU, but I do have some quick thoughts before I get to the boys from D.C.

While I couldn't look at every team's performance this weekend, I was very impressed by the Seattle Seahawks and Philadelphia Eagles. The Seahawks had top tackle Russell Okung fall into their lap at #6 after the Redskins and Chiefs both passed on him (more on that later), and probably filled their huge hole on at left tackle after Walter Jones retired. Then they waited patiently at #14 while teams made trades and risky picks (looking at you, Jags), and snagged the guy they had apparently been waiting for in safety Earl Thomas. Both players can start right away and provide an upgrade at two key positions.

The 'Hawks also stole WR Golden Tate in the 2nd round (who I think will turn out to be the #2 receiver in this draft class), and added some depth in later rounds (including reuniting TE Anthony McCoy with Pete Carroll).

The Eagles maintained their usual strategy by loading up on picks (, and I think they used them to their advantage for the most part. I have no problem with DE/LB Brandon Graham in the 1st round (even though Earl Thomas seemed like a lock there) and he should be able to contribute right away opposite Trent Cole. With the possible exception of QB Mike Kafka in the 4th round, the Iggles herded in a bunch of productive college players that could develop into decent pros. These include guys like CB Trevard Lindley, RB Charles Scott, DE/LB Ricky Sapp, WR Riley Cooper and SS Kurt Coleman. Solid job all around from the front office.

Now, on to the Redskins. Not much to talk about here in the way of draft picks, but that doesn't mean this weekend wasn't a success for Snyder and company. The Trent "Silverback" Williams pick might seem a little suspicious right now, but everyone seems to believe that he's a great fit for our blocking scheme and you know Shanahan is the guy that can eliminate those "work ethic" issues. I don't have a problem with it.

The 'Skins essentially used the 2nd round pick on Donovan McNabb, so I'm gonna go ahead and call that a winner too. No picks until the third day of the draft because of the Jeremy Jarmon pick in the supplemental draft last year, but some wheeling and dealing by GM Bruce Allen turned out pretty well in the later rounds. The 'Skins took LB Perry Riley to add some 3-4 inside linebacker depth, and added some O-Line depth with Eric Cook and Selvish Capers (a 7th round steal). Add Adam Carriker to that and there's a good crop of players coming to D.C. this year.

But the biggest story of the last day of the draft was Jason Campbell, who we banished to Oakland in exchange for a 4th rounder in 2012. This deal was a foregone conclusion when McNabb came to town, and I'm actually glad that Campbell has a real chance to start this year for the Raiders. He's a class act and was never treated fairly with the Redskins, so I hope he does well over there and shows those guys what a real QB looks like (not like this).

Did we get too little back for a guy with a career 82.3 QB rating and 17 more TDs than interceptions? I'll let you know in 2012.


Friday, April 23, 2010

Guess where I am....

Vegas for the weekend bitches...TIME TO DOMINATE ROULETTE. Meanwhile, enjoy the NFL Draft. Complete Recap of the whole damn thing Monday when I'm back.


Thursday, April 22, 2010

NFL Draft 1st Round Live Chat

You ready for the Draft Bitches? AMEN.


Saving the Best For Last...2010 NFL Mock Draft

Since I was just a wee boy, I've dominated in everything I've ever done. When babies were learning how to walk, I was running 4.2 40s. When tots were "playing" legos, i was building big ass buildings like some kind of genius architect. When kids were "playing" Pokemon, I caught like 200,000 of those friggin things. Straight up Domination. Winners win. Losers lose. I'm a born winner bro.

So Footsteps you dare to challenge me? The very man who concussioned your fool self on the gridiron? (Sorry about that btw) Child please. I ain't no replacement player like Shane Falco. THIS IS MY HOUSE.

Anyways, here's my Mock Draft. 32 for 32 Baby.

1.) St. Louis Rams - Sam Bradford, QB Oklahoma

QB's are so completely overvalued in NFL Drafts its not even funny. Football's a team game, and the Rams have more holes than the Iraqi Navy so they should probably look elsewhere. But you gotta start somewhere, (I guess). I'm not the biggest Bradford guy but apparently he looked good at Sooner pro day after that shoulder injury. Whatever.

2.) Detroit Lions - Ndamukong Suh, DT Nebraska

This guy's just a complete animal on the football field. His performance against Texas in the Big 12 Championship Game (4.5 sacks) was just complete domination on the field. He can get to the passer, stop the run, whatever. He's the best prospect in this class.

3.) Tampa Bay Buccaneers - Gerald McCoy, DT Oklahoma

Suh's better all around, but McCoy is perfect for the Buccaneer system. Doesn't have the strength Suh has (Suh had 32 bench reps v 23 for McCoy at combine) but makes up for it with speed an the ability to get to the QB.

4.) Washington Redskins - Trent Williams, OT Oklahoma

Was originally going with Russell Okung here until I read a report from Washington's beat writer that Williams is the better fit for D.C.'s zone blocking scheme. Whatever the case, they desperately need someone to protect McNabb. Who would've thought that 3 of the first 4 picks would be sooners?

5.) Kansas City Chiefs - Russell Okung, OT Oklahoma State

QB Matt Cassel's name may sound like castle, but the Chief's craptastic offensive line was anything but that in 2009. Luckily for this mess of a team, Okung slips to 5 to fill in a gaping hole on the O-Line. This pick would allow LT Brandon Albert to move back to his natural position at guard. 4 out of 5 picks from the state of Oklahoma...where the hell are my Gators?

6.) Seattle Seahawks - C.J. Spiller, RB Clemson

Most explosive offensive talent in this draft. Kid can run, catch, and probably is the closest thing to the greatest football movie character of all time.

7.) Cleveland Browns - Eric Berry, S Tennessee

Cleveland will be chomping at the bits to land Berry if he falls this far. According to scouting reports, he's a combination of Ed Reed's ball hawking skills (and ability to take a pick for 6) and Sean Taylor's big hits. Frightening.

8.) Oakland Raiders - Bruce Campbell, OT Maryland

What the hell did you expect? Campbell is 6'7, runs a 4.85 40, and did 2 more bench reps than Ndamukong Suh. Seeing as this buy is basically The Hulk, and given Raider history, Oakland will probably take the most physically gifted player available. Then again, Al Davis is more crazy than this guy. For all we know he'll draft a vending machine and stick him at tackle (and still won't know the difference). How the hell did this man get accepted into my school?

9.) Buffalo Bills - Jimmy Clausen, QB Notre Dame

Again, QB's are completely over-valued. Clausen and Bradford were mid to late first round picks at the beginning of April, but as teams began to panic realizing that their quarterbacks are all garbage their stock went insanely high. But the Bills do need a QB. May as well take one.

10.) Jacksonville Jaguars - Jason Pierre-Paul, DE South Florida

Jacksonville's pass rush was completely pathetic last year. Ends Derrick Harvey and Quentin Groves were pathetic (Groves has since been shipped off) and the Jags could generate absolutely no pressure whatsoever (14 sacks). Meanwhile, Jason Pierre Paul is practically a clone of the "Superfreak" Jevon Kearse. He's 6'6 260 but runs a 4.64 40 and has unlimited upside. DRAFT THIS MAN.

11.) Denver Broncos - Rolando McClain, MLB Alabama

The Giants might try to move up and snag McClain. And they should damn well try. McClain was the best player on Alabama's 2009 National Title team, with killer speed, instincts, and absurd hitting power.

12.) Miami Dolphins - Sergio Kindle, OLB Texas

Bill Parcells loves pass-rushing OLBs in the mold of Lawrence Taylor. Kindle isn't quite that talented, but he'll be a damn good replacement after the Fish got rid of Jason Taylor and Joey Porter.

13.) San Francisco 49ers - Joe Haden, CB Florida

Don't let the awful pro day fool you. Joe Haden is a beast at corner, and will be an immediate contributor for a craptastic secondary.

14.) Seattle Seahawks - Taylor Mays, S Southern California

I'm not sure if his draft stock is that high, but how often do pro coaches have the chance to draft a first round caliber player who played in their system that very same year? Pete Carroll would love to reunite with his old safety.

15.) New York Giants - Derrick Morgan, DE Georgia Tech

They may not get McClain, but the pass rush is something Big Blue absolutely must address unless they want to get their asses handed to them like they were for the entire 2nd half of 2009. Where Jason Pierre Paul is mostly upside, Morgan is a guy who can step in right away for the G-Men and contribute at end.

16.) Tennessee Titans - Earl Thomas, CB/S Texas

Thomas has top 10 talent, not to mention uber-valuable versatility as a hybrid safety/corner, and would be a fantastic addition to a pass defense that went to crap immediately after I said the Titan secondary would be the NFL's best in 2009.

17.) San Francisco 49ers - Bryan Bulaga, OT Iowa

The Niner are apparently content with the pathetic Alex Smith at QB, so San Fran may as well protect his loser ass. Bryan Bulaga is top 10 talent to many, (Not Me) and with him still on the board they better well take him.

18.) Pittsburgh Steelers - Mike Iupati, G Idaho

Pittsburgh's offensive line is notorious for giving up 50 sacks a season the past few years. While that may have been Ben Roethlisberger's fault for holding the ball too long, the Steel City needs help on the interior line, and Iupati is the best guard in the draft.

19.) Atlanta Falcons - Jerry Hughes, DE Texas Christian

Hotlanta needs an outside linebacker. Hotlanta needs a defensive end. Jerry Hughes is both, and his versatility will give some weaponry to a weak Falcon D.

20.) Houston Texans - Ryan Matthews, RB Fresno State

Steve Slaton was a revelation for the Texans in 2008, but injuries and fumble problems sent him back to earth in 2009. In my opinion, Slaton is more of a change of pace guy, so spelling him with a workhorse back like Matthews would make Houston's offense even better than it already is.

21.) Cincinnati Bengals - Dez Bryant, WR Oklahoma State

The Bengals need a receiver. Half the Bengals have character issues. HELLO DEZ BRYANT. Honestly, I think the Bengals would land a great talent if they took Bryant because his supposed "character issues" were ridiculously overblown.

22.) New England Patriots - Jared Odrick, DT Penn State

The Pats need a lot of help in this years draft. They need an outside linebacker, tight end, wide receiver...ugh it's just sickening to list all the help that they need. But the key to the Pats defense, the root of their problems in 2009, is the defensive line. They have 2 outstanding anchors in place with Vince Wilfork and Ty Warren, but there's a huge hole in the spot where Richard Seymour once stood, a hole that was exploited to death in 2009. Jared Odrick, a tackle who can play end in the Pats 3-4 scheme would be the best pick for New England to revamp their front. ONWARD TO VICTORY.

23.) Green Bay Packers - Anthony Davis, OT Rutgers

Considering how good a season Aaron Rodgers had in 2009, he was getting massacred in the backfield play after play after play to the tune of 51 sacks, the most allowed in the NFL. Give this man a freaking line! Anthony Davis can fill in at left tackle, and at least try to hold off Vikings end Jared Allen.

24.) Philadelphia Eagles - Maurkice Pouncey, G/C Florida

Philly needs some interior linemen to protect new starting QB Kevin Kolb, and Pouncey's versatility gives the birds some much needed depth on the line.

25.) Baltimore Ravens - Kyle Wilson, CB Boise State

Baltimore may have Ed Reed patrolling the deep, but their corners aren't very good. Fabian Washington and Lardarius Webb don't scare anyone, and seeing as they may be on the physically unable to perform list to start off the season, they should address this position in the draft. Kyle Wilson drew rave reviews at the Senior Bowl and would be a good snag here.

26.) Arizona Cardinals - Brandon Graham, DE/OLB Michigan

After getting completely crapped on by free agency during the off-season, the Cardinals need everything. Literally everything. And with Graham available this late, the Cardinals would be smart to pick an OLB in their 3-4 set to improve their depth. They did sign Joey Porter over the off-season, but they need depth seeing as the position was ravaged by injury in 2009.

27.) Dallas Cowboys - Rodger Saffold, T/G Indiana

Saffold isn't a guy that many of heard of. He played on a crappy team at Indiana, where his versatility on the line was the only thing almost worth watching for the Hoosiers. But he had a great Senior Bowl, could play left tackle to replace the now gone Flozell Adams, or sit in at guard. A great value pick to bolster the line for Boy Nation.

28.) San Diego Chargers - Dan Williams, DT Tennessee

Williams could go, way, way higher than this if a team values his skills as a 3-4 nose tackle enough. But should he fall all the way to 28, San Diego will swipe him immediately. The Chargers need a mammoth nose tackle like this guy after releasing Jamal Williams during the off-season.

29.) New York Jets - Everson Griffen, DE/OLB Southern California

Vernon Gholston was a bust, and newly signed Jason Taylor wasn't very effective as a pass rushing OLB in the Dolphins 3-4 system last year. So basically, the one thing the Jets do need on defense is another pass rusher on the edge. Griffen struggled with consistency at USC, but he was talented enough to get playing time there, so you know he has talent.

30.) Minnesota Vikings - Sean Witherspoon, OLB Missouri

The Vikings have needs at corner, and maybe at QB seeing as Brett Favre is once again being a complete jackass and holding off announcing his comeback (which he will) so he can sit on his ass sporting his wranglers instead of going to Training Camp. Regardless, the Vikings could use depth at OLB and Witherspoon is the best player left at this point on my board.

31.) Indianapolis Colts - Terrence Cody, DT Alabama

NEWSFLASH: The Colts defensive line is about as intimidating as a bunch of rainbow colored fairies. Wow, they have two defensive ends that can't do anything but run 10 yards up field and leave huge gaps for the run game. Enter Terrence Cody. This 6'5 360 pound load could play a big role in making Indy's pathetic run defense into a real unit. And he probably would never have to even move.

32.) New Orleans Saints - Carlos Dunlap, DE Florida

"DUI" Dunlap has exceptional athletic talent for such a big man at DE (6'6 290lbs). But in case you didn't know, he's a complete idiot, as evidenced by his DUI the week of the SEC Championship Game which resulted in his suspension. He's either gonna be a gem or a coach killer his entire career. I'm thinking landing with N'Orleans is the best case scenario for him.