Monday, November 30, 2009

More Stone Cold Killers/ More Jackasses

Still trying to catchup…

Stone Cold Killer Week 9:  Michael Turner

Stone Cold Killer Week 10:  Randy Moss

Stone Cold Killer Week 11:  Matt Stafford

Jackass Week 9: Joey Porter

Jackass Week 10:  Jay Cutler

Jackass Week 11:  The 2009 Cleveland Browns


Saturday, November 28, 2009

Power Rankings Week 12

I know they’ve sucked. I know they’ve been lazy/half-assed, WHATEVER. Here are the first well thought out Power Rankings in about 4 weeks.


“Undefeated: but the act is starting to get old”
1.) New Orleans Saints 10-0 (LW#1)

I think I’m starting to realize why everyone hated the Patriots back in 2007. Remember when I was harping all over the Saints, obsessed with the fact that by some act of lunacy I ranked them first in the 2nd Power Rankings? The times have changed. Every week I’m getting more and more nervous about the Saints becoming yet another team to finish the regular season unbeaten like that disgustingly awesome Pats team in ’07 (SHUT UP ABOUT FEBRUARY 3rd! SHUT UP).

The Saints play New England this Monday Night. We’ll get to that later (and have some in depth / not halfassed coverage in the Monday Night Diaries). But after the Pats, the Saints have it VERY easy down the stretch. Their toughest game is a little less than a month, at home on Sunday Night against Dallas. Then again, the Saints are looking more and more like the Patriots down the stretch in ’07. The bull’s eye on their back is huge, and their games are getting progressively closer and uglier. But I don’t think it’s out of the question for the Saints to go at least 15-1.

“The act has been old for about 11 weeks too long”
2.) Indianapolis Colts 10-0 (LW#2)

Disgusting. What makes seeing that fat zero in the Indy loss column is how unimpressive the Colts are playing. They are barely, and I mean BARELY escaping week in and week out. Sure they had a 4 week killing spree…but in the other 6 games, Indy has gotten all breaks: the ball-spots, the rolls, the shanks, the 4th and 2’s (GET OFF BILL’S BACK), playing the “Flacco Factor”, etc… Literally everything has gone in their favor. Don’t get me wrong, luck is a key factor for any team’s success in the NFL. But the amount the Ponies have gotten this season is nauseating.

“The Titanic”
3.) Minnesota Vikings 9-1 (LW#3)

Remember the Titanic? Of course you don’t unless you’re really !@#$ing old and somehow know how to use that new fangled technology called the internet. But if you’ve seen that ridiculous movie, you’d sort of get my drift. The Titanic was supposed to be the BEST BOAT…EVER. Meanwhile in Minnesota, everything seems to be going a littttttle bit too perfect.

The defense is amazing. First in the NFL by a mile with 36 sacks, and 3rd against the run. The offense? Even more ridiculous. Adrian Peterson should already be illegal, but suddenly Sidney Rice and Percy Harvin are running wild. But the crazy? Brett Favre. Not only is he having his best year…ever…he’s thrown 3 picks. 3 PICKS! Is this a sign of the apocalypse? HE AVERAGES 16.5! I’m telling you, the Iceberg is looming for Minnesota. If not, 2012 maybe a little closer than we all thought.

“The Consistently Consistent?”
4.) San Diego Chargers 7-3 (LW#7)

Speaking of signs of the apocalypse, what were the odds that uber-talented San Diego Super Chargers would ever put forth a good season under the genius that is Norv Turner.

I’d say they were about 1 to 1, but you’ve got to give Turner credit. He’s ALWAYS found ways to hold San Diego back (how the hell have they won back to back divisions with 8-9 wins).

In all seriousness, the Bolts are playing the best football in the AFC right now. They have 5 straight wins and basically clinched the AFC West with a 32 massacre of Denver. Indy better watch out come playoff time, because nobody owns Indy like that team from Ron Burgundy’s “Whale’s Vagina” (San Diego).

5.) New England Patriots 7-3 (LW#5)

Let’s face it. When it comes to the Pats, everyone outside of New England takes an extra sip of the haterade. Good sports teams piss people off. Call it jealousy, but you have to admit, everyone hates a winner. I’m one of the most guilty haters (see Yankees, Colts, Lakers, etc.) of all-time.

But the hate that the Patriots get is completely insane. Any minor story concerning New England suddenly gets blown way out of proportion. Take Spy-Gate. Did the Patriots cheat? Yes. Did they get an unbelievable competitive advantage? Anyone that knows anything about football will tell you no (unless it’s Joey Porter).

So naturally, when the Patriots chose to go for it on 4th and 2, the entire world collectively crapped their pants in glee (coming up with the original 4th and Two-gate to top Spygate, and even Watergate). Apparently one call turned Bill Belichick into the biggest idiot of all-time. Cue the media assault of Big Balls Bill.

“Fourth-and-jackass…never, have I seen one as dumb as the decision Patriots coach Bill Belichick made Sunday night against the Indianapolis Colts. His brain was more frozen than Ted Williams”

“Is there an insanity defense for football coaches”

“Maybe his headset was too tight and it squeezed the blood from his brain.”

“Ghastly. . . . Too smart for his own good this time. The sin of hubris."

“Bill Belichick…dummy.”

“Bill Belichick can’t read or write”

“Bill Belichick is so dumb he thinks a quarterback’s a refund”

“Bill Belichick poisoned New England’s water supply, burned its crops, and delivered a plague upon its houses!”

Now the last three quotes were made up. But they’re just an exaggeration of a series of exaggerations made over the course of one week. You’d think the world ended in New England with all the complaints over “the call”. And just a week later, not one peep. It’s funny how just one flawless beatdown of the Jets can shut all those people up a week later, changing their minds about the Pats and make everyone forget that just a week ago they were ripping apart the best coach in football for the absolute correct call.

But now that “Idiot-gate” is over, on to the matter at hand. Pats. Saints. Monday Night. As previously mentioned, New Orleans is undefeated. But I don’t see it lasting much longer. Every game was a battle after week 10 for the Pats during that undefeated season in 2007. But they renewed their focus every game after every game. I just don’t see the Saints in the same way. The Pats NEED this game to keep pace with Cincy and San Diego. They NEVER lose to NFC teams. Meanwhile the Saints really don’t need this one. The joke that is the NFC South was locked up 10 weeks ago. They’re already 10-0, and an out of conference loss isn’t gonna stop them from locking up the number 1 seed. Call me biased, but I like the Pats to pull out a squeaker in New Orleans.

“Gus Johnson’s Cardiac Cats”
6.) Cincinnati Bengals 7-3 (LW#4)

Surprisingly, Gus Johnson was not on the call for last week’s shocking upset defeat to Oakland, but you sure would have thought he was with how it all played out. They seem to live and die by luck this season, and hard luck hit when Andre Caldwell dropped that kickoff with less than a minute to go.

The game brings up my question into how serious a contender the Bengals can be. The Bengals have been getting all the breaks this season. And they’ve got a dandy record as a result. But while Indy has been getting those same breaks all season, they still have a crap load of talent throughout the squad. I just don’t see that same talent on defense for Cincinnati, despite all the statistics that squad puts out. We’ll see as the season winds down.

“The Southwestern Fighting Inconsistents”
7.) Arizona Cardinals 7-3 (LW#8)
8.) Dallas Cowboys 7-3 (LW#9)

I could give a crap that both of these teams are 7-3. The fact of the matter is that both Arizona and Seattle couldn’t put out solid games back to back IF THEY TRIED…unless they involve the crap of the NFL (St. Louis, Seattle, Washington, Seattle, Kansas City. Seattle, Oakland). I trust the mediocrity that is Beanie Wells/ Tim Hightower as much as I trust the upcoming train wreck that is Tony Romo.

“Fact: We aren’t very good”
9.) Philadelphia Eagles 6-4 (LW#10)
10.) New York Giants 6-4 (LW#11)

Remember when everyone was talking about these two as the NFC’s best before the season began? Not anymore. These teams make the Southwestern Inconsistents look as consistent as night and day. Both the Iggles and G-Men fail to show up for games against any of the league’s decent teams. I’m regretting my preseason pick of Philly.

“The Swiss Cheese Offensive Line Project”
11.) Green Bay Packers 6-4 (LW#12)

Do you know what’s ridiculous? The Packers have the 7th ranked offense in the NFL, yet have given up a league high 43 sacks. I give Aaron Rodgers that much more credit for being able to put up great numbers with such an awful line.

“One player does not a team make…unless it’s Pittsburgh”
12.) Pittsburgh Steelers 6-4 (LW#6)

Fact: When Troy “The God of Defense” Polamalu gets injured, Pittsburgh is a BELOW-average team. They are 3-4 when Troy gets hurt or doesn’t suit up. One of those wins came in a game against a struggling Tennessee, the other against Detroit. If Polamalu is out for a prolonged period of time, the Steelers could very well end up missing the playoffs.

“Fightin’ Flawdah”
13.) Miami Dolphins 5-5 (LW#19)
14.) Jacksonville Jaguars 6-4 (LW#15)

By some act of God these two are somehow in the thick of the playoff race. I don’t think anyone has any idea how. These are two simply plain teams. But somehow they’re just hanging around. Whatever.

“Underachievers: Part 1”
15.) Atlanta Falcons 5-5 (LW#14)
16.) Baltimore Ravens 5-5 (LW#18)
17.) Tennessee Titans 4-6 (LW#23)

What happened to these three? The Falcons and Ravens were two deep teams with two pretty good rookie quarterbacks last year. The Titans were 13-3! What happened? I’ll tell you what happened. REALITY.

A.) Atlanta’s defense has been abysmal all season.
B.) The “Flacco Factor” has been pretty pathetic this season, and the Raven “THUG-U” act on defense is about as intimidating as a bunch of kittens.
C.) Kerry “Cocktail” Collins happened.

“We are completely screwed”
18.) Denver Broncos 6-4 (LW#13)

Kyle Orton is hurt + Running game barely working right now + 4 losses in a row
Times: (Josh McDaniels looks like more of an immature coach every day)
Times: (Brandon Marshall’s T.O. explosion potential)

Equals: Denver is headed in a tailspin to hell.

“Underachievers: Part 2”
19.) Houston Texans 5-5 (LW#17)
20.) Carolina Panthers 4-6 (LW#19)
21.) San Francisco 49ers 4-6 (LW#21)

These guys were all “darkhorses” or “sleepers” at the beginning of the season. FAIL.

“THE AMAZING RACE…for the all-time interception record”
22.) Chicago Bears 4-6 (LW#20)
23.) New York Jets 4-6 (LW#22)

Jay Cutler and Mark Sanchez are in a neck and neck race to shatter Favres all-time record for picks. By about 200,000. Cutler (18 ints on the year) forces more inept plays than a two-year old playing Madden. Meanwhile, Sanchez (16 thus far) is well on his way to becoming the next big bust at QB. Absolutely no pocket presence. The accuracy of a North Korean missile. Yet, everyone keeps giving him excuses. HE JUST SUCKS.

“WAM BAM…What the hell just happened?”
24.) Kansas City Chiefs 3-7 (LW#27)
25.) Oakland Raiders 3-7 (LW#31)

I guess every dog has it’s day. But who the hell saw Kansas City and Oakland upsetting two of what were thought to be the NFL’s elite (Pittsburgh and Cincy). Enjoy it while it lasts, because these two teams are headed back to the crapper.

“How to spend money and NOT win by Daniel Snyder”

26.) Washington Redskins 3-7 (LW#24)

A. Don’t address your craptastic O-Line in off-season
B. Spend over $100 million on a defensive tackle (Haynesworth) with a history of injury problems as well as off-the field issues because he’s the priciest free agent on market.
C. Still don’t help out offense.
D. When offense fails, blame coach and change playcaller.
E. When that fails, blame quarterback
F. Spend more money next offseason to make it at least look like you’re trying


“Still considering the CFL”
27.) Seattle Seahawks 3-7 (LW#25)

You can blame whoever you want for, surprisingly, the NFC West’s SECOND worst team. But when your “star” quarterback makes Ladanian Tomlinson look like the epitome of health, or Seneca Wallace is playing quarterback ever, or the local soccer team is outdrawing your team, you know your team SUCKS.

“CFL application rejected”
28.) Buffalo Bills 3-7 (LW#26)

The question at hand isn’t how bad this team is. They are amazingly awful. The real question is how T.O. hasn’t gone nuts and killed everyone yet. Think about it.

A. The offensive coordinator was fired before the season began.
B. Dick Jauron (aka Baseball analyst Tim Kurjican) was fired a few weeks ago
C. The starting QB played at HARVARD.

Simply amazing. However, the longer the wait, the better it should be.

“The Toilet Bowl has no winners”
29.) Detroit Lions 2-8 (LW#30)

Detroit fans are high of the 200% win increase over last season. While they are improving…they still suck. They may have played in an unbelievable game against Cleveland, but then again it’s CLEVELAND. The only reason they won was because they were fired up by the end of this video.

30.) Tampa Bay Buccaneers 1-9 (LW#28)

They’re clearly in rebuilding mode. Still awful to watch.

31.) St. Louis Rams 1-9 (LW#29)

They’re clearly in rebuilding mode? Surrrrrrrrrrrrre.

32.) Cleveland Browns 1-9 (LW#32)

Do I need to explain? Up 24-0…and lost. To Detroit. Capped off with an awful pass interference on a hail mary AWAY FROM THE CATCH. “At least we’re not Detroit” indeed.


Monday, November 23, 2009

Monday Night Diaries Week 11

About 11 weeks ago this sounded like a hell of a matchup. Tennessee was coming off a 13-3 season. Houston was a sexy dark horse AFC wild card pick. Now? Not so much.

Basically, everything went to crap for Tennessee. They started off 0-6, culminating with a 59-0 massacre at the hands of New England. Kerry “Cocktail” Collins was absolutely dreadful at quarterback, and the Titans turned to Vince Young. As crazy as this sounds, since switching back to the inaccurate and mobile QB, Tennessee has somehow scrapped out 3 wins. I can’t figure it out. Meanwhile, the Texans have been hanging around in the AFC Wild Card race. They MUST get a win if they want to keep hanging in there. Should be an interesting AFC South battle. I like the Titans.

8:31 – A lot being made of the Texans…the fact that they have never been in this situation before. It really is a must win. Even the Texans seem to realize it. It would be pretty damn funny if they blew it knowing everything that’s at stake.

8:36 – Hold on, hold on…Are Jaworski and Gruden seriously saying that Young is an elite quarterback? Are you freaking kidding me? Forget the fact that he’s a head case…he’s consistently among the most inaccurate passers in the league. Without his legs, Young is an awful quarterback. Relax about the three wins guys. It’s a long season.

8:42 – Big stop by Tennessee on Houston’s opening series. That Titan D looked an awful lot like last year. Titan ball.

8:46 – The Titan offense is SO limited with Young at the helm. A screen on third and long? Stupid. Huge loss and Tennessee is punting right back.

According to Loudmouth’s AFC South expert Dominic Marino, The Titans would be a hell of a team if they had a QB that:

A: Wasn’t 90 years old (Cocktail Collins)
B: Wasn’t Vince Young (Vince Young)

8:48 – Andre Johnson is an amazing receiver. Excellent slant route for about 15 and Houston is in the red zone.

8:53 – Houston is dicing up the Titans with these slants. A laser from Matt Schaub to Kevin Walter and Houston at the 5.

8:55 – Steve “Tank” Slaton? A shovel pass from Schaub to Slaton for 6, as Slaton blasts through 4 Tennessee defenders for the first score of the game. Texans up 7-0.

8:59 – What an abysmal return by Michael Griffin. Are you high? Run NORTH SOUTH. East-West on a kick return is simply stupid.

9:03 – What the hell is Young trying to pull? He’s lobbing balls at like 2 miles per hour. Gruden said he thinks Young’s learned from Kerry Collins in his brief time on the bench. REALLY? Collins can actually throw a bullet. Young is AWFUL. Titan three and out…again.

9:07 – Another big throw from Schaub to Walter to get the Texans out of their own end zone. Tennessee secondary not looking very good, especially against Schaub’s play action fakes.

9:12 – What the hell happened there? The entire Titan defensive line was in the backfield almost before Schaub got the snap. At least the defense is putting forth an effort for Tennessee.

9:13 – Schaub completely blew that one. Steve Slaton was matched up one on one with a linebacker and the Texan quarterback completely overthrew him there. That could have been 6 if he looked a bit earlier. Texans punt again.

9:17 – Young keeps floating these lame duck passes. I might have a stronger arm than this guy. Horrible underthrow on that play.

9:19 – Vince finally puts some zip on the football, and lo and behold, the Titans finally get a first down on their own.

9:21 – Ooooooooh…the Texas option. Now this is the play Tennessee should be running. With speed like Young’s paired with the fastest player in the NFL in Chris Johnson, and that 1-2 threat is LETHAL. End of the first.

9:24 – A hell of a blitz pickup from Chris Johnson giving Vince Young time to throw downfield to Kenny Britt. Titans in the red zone.

9:26 – Vince Young + bootleg pass x 3rd and 3 = Score to Kenny Britt. That’s the one money play that works with the former Longhorn. Bootlegs are the way to go for Tennessee. Tie ballgame.

9:30 – Another big return for the Texans, they’ve been starting out every drive in pretty good field position.

9:32 – Texans driving yet again. Schaub’s been hitting his short passes with tremendous accuracy.

9:36 – Not so fast… THREE straight tackles for losses by the Titans push Houston WAYY back, capped off with 2 sacks. Texans have to punt.

9:44 – Wow…this Tennessee offense cannot get anything going. At all. The Texan defense is swarming right now, forcing another three and out. DEFENSIVE SLUGFEST.

9:47 – FINALLY, someone doesn’t look like a complete moron on third down. Matt Schaub eludes the pass rush and fires it downfield for another big gain into the Red Zone.

9:49 – Andre Johnson is too good. He makes it look WAY too easy as he slips through the Titan defense for a lead snagging TD catch. 14-7 Texans as we near the 2 minute warning.

9:57 – Woooooooooooooooooooo….SPEEEEEEEEEED…Chris Johnson with a huge gain into the Texan red zone. Unstoppable. Uncatchable. Faster than me. I’m not even kidding.

9:59 – That TITAN option with another dandy play to the one yard line. This time Young doesn’t pitch the ball and blasts his way to the goalline.

10:00 – Mr. Lendale Fantasy Stud White finally gets his 2nd touchdown of the year. Remember when he had 15 last year? Everyone who drafted him must hate themselves. 14-all with 50 seconds to play in the half.

10:02 – Halftimeeeeeeee

10:20 – Tennessee starts out with the ball…driving

10:25 – The Titans deep inside Texan territory, but a Vince Young FUMBLEEEEEEE…Houston takes over.

10:31 – The Texans march right back downfield, but “Mr. Monday Night” with a big pass deflection on third down to set up a field goal attempt. Keith Bulluck is good, but Mr. Monday Night? Please.

10:32 – SHANK CITY. Kris Brown slips it just a little to the right and the Titans escape with good field position when they take over.

10:35 – God Vince Young is bad…an awful underthrow should have been picked off, but Duntae Robinson lets it bounce right off his hands. Would’ve been an easy, easy pick.

10:36 – But Young makes up for that pass with an excellent third down scramble for the first.

10:38 – Young with another third down scramble for a first. He can’t throw worth a crap, but the man sure can run.

10:41 – ROB BIRONAS…a 50 yard field goal, and its 17-14 Titans.

10:49 – The Texans answer right back with a 26 yard field goal, and a tie game at the end of the third. If you haven’t noticed, I’m barely awake.

11:05 – Back from boredom…Vince Young currently down with an injury…Meanwhile, Texans have the ball, and the Tennessee defensive line is completely beating the crap out of Matt Schaub. Is the Houston line even trying? It’s not like Albert Haynesworth is rushing up the middle, yet they still have 4 sacks.

11:06 – “Mr. Monday Night” tips away a sure interception away from teammate Chris Hope. DOPE.

11:10 – Chris Johnson has barely been able to do anything running the football. Nowhere to run for him. But Vince Young continues to take off down field and get key first down to keep the Titans moving. 9 rushes, 62 yards thus far.

11:14 – The Texans finally keep Young in check. How? Tripping him. Gruden is mad, and the Titans will punt.

11:15 – Tennessee fakes the punt…GETS IT…but delay of game…Stupid, stupid mistakes. Texans get the actual punt.

11:19 – David Anderson with another big catch, giving the Texans a first down and getting them out of the shadow of their own goalposts.

11:21 – A BIG run from Steve Slaton, and Houston is at midfield. Tic Toc, Tic toc.

11:22 – WHOOPPPPPPPSIEES. A huge drop from Steve Slaton on third down and Tennessee will likely have the final chance for the win in regulation.

11:25 – 94 yards to for Tennessee…OOOOOOOOOOOH...A “horse collar” will make it 77 yards to go for the Titans. He grabbed the jersey. That sucks for Houston.

11:27 – WHOOOP…There he is. Chris Johnson with a jukilicious run to the 43 for the Titans.

And I quote Ron Jaworski “Chris Johnson…he’s so hot right now”…who the hell does he think he is, Mugatu? 2 minute warning.

11:34 – The 8,000th 3rd down run from Vince Young for a first…Titans in Texan territory, and appear to be driving for the win.

11:36 – Titans short on third down, but in field goal range…a 53 yard field goal attempt for Rob Bironas on the way…He’s got a leg

11:37 – RIGHT..DOWN…THE MIDDDDDDLE…MONAAAAAAAAAAAY…20-17 Titans on top with 47 seconds to play.

11:41 – But it ain’t over yet folks…Two good throws by Matt Schaub and the Texans are already to the Titan 38.

11:42 – A pass to the 31…and a centering run back to the 32…the Texans have a chance to kick a field goal to win.

11:44 – NO GOOD. SHANKED TO THE LEFT. AND THE TITANS ARE GONNA ESCAPE WITH A 20-17 WIN. Wow what a choke job by Kris Brown. 4 straight wins for the Titans.


Sunday, November 22, 2009

Power Rankings Week 11

Late, half-assed, but at least they’re out.  “I’m killing me smalls!”

“Holy crap, we’re still undefeated?

1.)  New Orleans Saints                      9-0 (LW#1)

2.)  Indianapolis Colts                         9-0 (LW#2)

“Sooo…maybe Brett Favre doesn’t suck (this year)?”

3.)  Minnesota Vikings                        8-1 (LW#5)

“Gus Johnson’s Cardiac Cats”

4.)  Cincinnati Bengals                        7-2 (LW#6)

“WAM BAM…What the hell just happened?”

5.)  New England Patriots                  6-3 (LW#4)

6.)  Pittsburgh Steelers                        6-3 (LW#3)

“The Southwestern Fightin’ Inconsistents”

7.)  San Diego Chargers                      6-3 (LW#10)

8.)  Arizona Cardinals                         6-3 (LW#11)

9.)  Dallas Cowboys                            6-3 (LW#8)

“Are we really this bad?”

10.)  Philadelphia Eagles                     5-4 (LW#12)

11.)  New York Giants                       5-4 (LW#15)

“The Swiss Cheese Offensive Line Project”

13.)  Green Bay Packers                     5-4 (LW#20)

“Whoops…we are a fluke.”

14.)  Denver Broncos                          6-3 (LW#7)    

“A steaming heap of collective mediocrity”

15.)  Atlanta Falcons                           5-4(LW#9)

16.)  Jacksonville Jaguars                    5-4 (LW#18)

17.)  Baltimore Ravens                       5-4 (LW#14)

18.)  Miami Dolphins                          4-5 (LW#16)

19.)  Carolina Panthers                        4-5 (LW#21)

20.)  New York Jets                            4-5 (LW#17)

21.)  San Francisco 49ers                    4-5 (LW#24)

“I want to break Favre’s record…for interceptions!”

22.)  Chicago Bears                             4-5 (LW#19)

“Is your owner more mature than a 5th grader?”

23.)  Tennessee Titans                         3-6 (LW#25)

24.)  Washington Redskins                 3-6 (LW#26)

“Seriously Considering the CFL”                  

25.)  Seattle Seahawks                        3-6 (LW#23)

26.)  Buffalo Bills                                3-6 (LW#22)

“Couldn’t Play in the CFL”

27.)  Kansas City Chiefs                     2-7 (LW#27)

28.)  Tampa Bay Buccaneers              1-8 (LW#28)

29.)  St. Louis Rams                           1-8 (LW#30)

30.)  Detroit Lions                              1-8 (LW#31)

31.)  Oakland Raiders                         2-7 (LW#29)


32.)  Cleveland Browns                      1-8 (LW#32)


Wednesday, November 18, 2009

In Big Balls Bill I Still Trust

As you probably already know, Sunday night completely sucked. My Patriots choked away a 17 point lead to the arch-rival Colts, losing 35-34. Yet another amazing game between two of the league’s premier teams that yet again lived up to all the hype. Unfortunately, the boys from New England didn’t make it out alive.

Naturally, I spent all of yesterday avoiding everything sports. No ESPN. No USA Today. I didn’t even take a look a Boston Barstool Sports.

But when I turned on the TV, took a look at, and read the paper today, everyone is LOSING THEIR MINDS. What the hell?

Apparently, according to the “educated” sports media, midseason losses mean the season is over. Yeah, the Pats are now 6-3. They collapsed down the stretch, and a loss against the Colts is never easy to take. But suddenly, since the Pats are a massive 1 game behind the Bengals for the 2nd seed in the AFC, they are somehow screwed? HELL NO. Everyone needs to get their heads out of their @$$.

100% of reason for the media (especially Boston based) crapping their pants was because of “the call”. On 4th and 2 from their own 28 with time running out, Big Balls Bill Belichick took a gamble. He kicked the punt team off the field and sent out the juggernaut offense to get two yards for the win. Needless to say, the Pats didn’t make it.

But what I don’t get is why the entire media is freaking out, and calling this the worst call of all time. IT WASN’T.

First of all, the Patriots offense was completely destroying Indy’s defense for pretty much the entire game. It go so embarrassing for the Colts that at one point I actually had to look to see if their secondary was actually on the field (they were). Though the New England offense had cooled off in the fourth quarter, they’d still piled up 477 yards up that critical fourth down. Were 2 more yards too much to ask? Absolutely not. The Indy defense took the fourth down attempt as a sign of disrespect. HOW? When a defense performs as awful as the Colts did Sunday Night, who in their right minds would take that offense off the field? Belichick was sure his offense would make it. In hindsight, the wrong choice, but in the moment, the absolute correct call.

The media would counter-argue that you need to give your defense a chance to stop the Colts. They’ve yelled about how the Pats should have punted to put Indy back in its own territory (with the 2 minute warning and a timeout). Hmm…interesting point…but ARE THEY INSANE?

Look, I hate Peyton Manning more than just about everyone in the NFL. I call him out as a loser (false), a whiner (not as false), and an attention whore (true). But even I can admit that there have never been QBs quite as good as Peyton Manning in the two-minute drill (at least in the regular season). Has anyone seen him this season (let alone his entire freaking career)? He’d already led 3 fourth quarter comebacks this season (Miami, San Fran, and Houston); let alone the other 10,000 or so. I don’t care if your defense is the ’85 Bears; giving Manning a shot to beat you in the closing minutes is practically suicide.

And the ’09 Pats are not even close to the ’85 Bears. Especially in this game. Ty Warren and Jarvis Green were out. Tully Banta-Cain got hurt during the game. The secondary is a patchwork of young players and ex-Detroit Lions (Leigh Bodden…yikes.). Not to mention that the Colts kept them on the field for nearly the entire 4th quarter. The Pats defense was completely gassed. Whether Indy was 70 or 29 yards away, there was no way in hell New England was getting a stop with that mess on D.

So why the hell is everyone freaking out? Belichick made the right decision based on the circumstances: an offense that was completely dominating, and a defense that was reeling. Things didn’t turn out his way. Doesn’t that happen to all of us?

Clearly you wouldn’t know. It’s unfortunate that one “bad” call from Big Bill is getting more attention than the billions of idiotic decisions made over the years in the NFL. Christ, just look at the $#!^ shows in Detroit, St. Louis, Oakland, and Cleveland, and ask yourself how you can Belichick an idiot!

By no means am I completely letting Big Bill off the hook. He sure as hell didn’t have his best game coaching. Poor timeout management. Bad play-calling down the stretch. Letting Laurence Maroney touch the football. But that call was the right one. We all know the haters would be lauding Belichick as the greatest genius of all-time had that 4th and 2 been successful. Einstein? Forget that loser.

So to the ESPN/WEEI/various newspapers: Shut up. One bad call does not make a career (shocking, huh?). Especially when you’re talking about a coach who’s gone through a perfect regular season and won 3 Super Bowls. The fact of the matter is that Big Balls Bill is the best coach in the NFL. Not even debatable. What separates him from the rest of the morons that somehow have jobs in this league (Wade Phillips, Norv Turner)? He has the balls to do the unconventional.

Big Balls Bill doesn’t care about what you, or anyone else thinks. He’ll do anything he can to win. Kind of like you’ll blow anything way out of proportion to get some “much needed” attention. Pathetic.


Sunday, November 15, 2009

SUNDAY Night Diaries Week 10...JUDGMENT DAY

The norm has been to have Monday Night Diaries on Monday Night. Well guess what. !@#$ changes. You think I want to sit through a game featuring the god-awful abomination that are the Cleveland Browns? Hell no. I’d rather gouge my eyes out. There’s absolutely no way I’m watching a team that has scored fewer touchdowns than the Saints D. None.

So tonight…I’m giving you guys a treat. SUNDAY night diaries…with complete coverage of THE Judgment Day. Patriots. Colts. OH BABY.

8:28 – Quarterbacks of the decade? Rivalry of the decade? HELLZ YEAH. GET IT ON.

8:32 – 3 and out…UH OH INDY…No fast start tonight. This is a real defense. Not some crap from the AFC South.

8:36 – No hands Big Ben Watson. Not a very good throw from Brady, but regardless, you gotta make that play on 3rd down.

8:37 - For the first time in history, a Chris Hanson punt fails to:

A.) Bounce into the endzone for a touchback
B.) Get shanked out of bounds at the 325

Colts at their own 10 after a good punt. I’m shocked.

8:39 – Matchup of the night…The Colt’s Dallas Clark versus the Pat’s Brandon McGowan…Dallas wins round 1.

8:41 – Holy crap…A hell of a catch by Reggie Wayne. Belichick challenges but to no avail. As much as I hate players from Thug U, Wayne is a damn good receiver. Top 3 in the NFL.

8:46 – Why the hell would the Colts ever run the football? They are just awful. When your passing game is that good what’s the point of even trying? Addai hasn’t been able to do crap.

8:47 – LO AND BEHOLD. Captain Jinx at it again. Colts cap off a 90 yard drive with a screen pass for 6 to Addai…and Colts are up 7-0.

8:54 – I know the Patriots love to throw. But the Pats should run the ball and keep pounding it into Indy until the Colts are completely exhausted on defense. A tiny defensive line of pass-rush specialists? Please. Even Laurence “pussyfoot” Maroney would beat them up.

8:56 – RANDY MOSS…RANDY UNIVERSITY. Huge play from Brady to Moss to get the Pats inside the Colts 20.
Noone can matchup with the Moss. Especially a bunch of crappy second rate rookies. Children…Randy is what we call an unstoppable force. Don’t even try.

8:57 – THE ANSWER…Laurence Maroney pounds it in for 6, and the Pats tie it at 7. WOO WOO.

9:01 – Addai injured, and Donald Brown banged up at back for Indy. JUST STOP TRYING.

9:02 – Finally some pressure from the Pats. Manning’s insane case of happy feet does him in. 3 and out. NEXT.

9:05 – COLT KILLING KEVIN FAULK. The best third down running back in the NFL. Hands down. Awesome hands. Amazing elusiveness. A big run into Colts territory.

9:08 – OOOOoooh WHAT A CATCH BY RANDY U. Two feet down, and the Pats are near the red zone Contrary to Chad Ochocinco’s opinion…he is in fact THE most uncoverrable receiver in the NFL. Is that even a word? End of the first quarter.

9:13 – What the hell? Isiah Stanback is a wide receiver? Works for me….but what? First and goal for the Patriots.

9:15 – Ughhh…big sack by Robert Mathis on third and goal. Right tackle Nick Kaczur was completely destroyed on that play. Pats field goal…10-7.

9:20 – 3 and out again for the Ponies…OH BABY OH BABY time to increase the lead.

9:24 – I CATCH A BEAT RUNNING LIKE RANDY MOSS. 63 YARDS! What a throw, what a catch, and this Colt secondary is pathetic. I’m gonna try out for the team next week. Gotta make bank. 17-7 Pats.

9:28 – After cooling down from that emotional high…listen to these stats. Brady…7-10, 180 yards. IS THIS REAL LIFE? IT’S LIKE A F!@#$^& VIDEO GAME.

9:31 – SIT DOWN MANNING. Mayo comes in untouched, and like the little girl Peyton is he falls to the turf like a coward. TAKE A HIT LIKE A MAN.

9:34 – I’m crying with laughter right now. The Colt secondary may be the worst thing I have seen this season. Brady hits Watson with a deep ball this play.600 yards from Brady is a distinct possibility. I’m not even joking.

9:37 – Uh oh. FOR INDY. Ahahahaha this is getting out of hand. 24-7…Pats are DESTROYING.

9:43 – Indy driving right now…hmmm..whatever.

9:45 – Wow…another fantastic catch by Reggie Wayne and its 24-14 Pats…The Colts are the only team in the NFL that can come back like this…For now I’m gonna try to keep from talking. For NOW.

9:50 – Uh oh…Tommmy looked pretty uncomfortable on that series. Pats need a stop before half-time.

9:54 – Good stop by the Pats…Peyton pouts, the crowd shuts up, and all is right with the world for now.

10:01 – Weird stat…8 punts in a game where 38 points have been scored. Colts have the ball back with 1:36, a score would be HUGE.

10:05 – A lot of drops thus far from the Ponies…Collie and Garcon are playing awful.

10:07 – HALFTIME…FIFA 10 till we get back.

10:24 – And we’re back…COLT KILLIN KEVIN FAULK. Another big first down run for the birst third down back in the NFL.

10:29 – HORSE $#!%. I thought Brady had a touchdown, but the Colts luck out with a pick. PUT THE FOOT ON THE NECK AND CURBSTOMP NOW.

10:32 - WAM BAM…WHAT THE HELL JUST HAPPENED? Peyton Manning just threw arguably the worst pass I’ve ever seen. Looked like a kickoff with an end over end spiral…Brady hasn’t been sharp the past few drives but at least he isn’t throwing uglier balls than me. PATHETIC. Leigh Bodden gets the pick.

10:38 – HERE COME THE PATS. Pretty good drive thus far from the flying elvises.

10:40 – Kevin Faulk continues to destroy Indy…He’s averaging over 10 yards a carry right now. For the umpteenth time, no third down back is better…Meanwhile, the Colts secondary continues to take a beating like they’re Miguel Cotto fighting Manny Pacquiao. Melvin Bullit the latest in a long line of injuries for the Ponies.

10:44 – WHAT THE HELL. Laurence Maroney fumbles on the one and the Colts take over. Jesus, you can’t let Indy hang around.

10:51 – AND THE DROPS JUST KEEP ON COMING…Addai with a huge drop on 3rd down and the Colts will punt…

10:51 – MY NAME IS WES AND I CANT BE TOUCHED. Wes Welker with a HUGE punt return to shut up Indianapolis. Dead Silence. I guess when you build a huge cavern of a Stadium like Lucas Oil, you can’t really pump crowd noise in anymore. Pats in business with 1st and goal to go as the 4th quarter begins…

10:55 – YOU WAS JUST MOSSED…Randy Moss with his 2nd TD and its 31-14 Pats. Randall is having quite the day. 7 catches, 167 yards, and 2 TDs. Unstoppable. Indy may as well not put their corners on the field. They are getting obliderated.

10:59 – It’s been a while since Dallas Clark did anything today…I said it today on my talk radio show, the key to this game was for the Pats to shut down Dallas Clark (because you can’t stop Reggie Wayne). Only three catches today…good job by Brandon McGowan.

11:01 – Okay, it’s still not over… (!@$%) Manning to Pierre Garcon who finally doesn’t drop a pass, and yet again it’s a 10 point game. 31-21 Pats.

11:07 – Randy Moss is embarrassing this craptastic secondary…900 receptions for his career.

11:10 – Big stop by Indy, they desperately needed that to get back in this game…8 minutes to play and down 10…I’m a little bit nervous.

11:12 – WOO WOO WOO…WHATCHOO DOIN PEYTON? Another awful pass from Manning and Jonathan Wilhite takes advantage with a pick…oh baby, oh baby…the Pats have the ball at the Indy 30….

11:18 – Pats barely move the ball…but they do tack on 3…New England up 34-21…4 minutes to play…I CAN FEEL IT COMING IN THE AIR TONIGHT...

11:24 – Well there’s the Indy rule…any contact with a receiver and you’re guaranteed to see the Colts get a call…Big pass interference sets up Indy inside the red zone.

11:26 – Maybe I spoke too soon, Indy scores with 2:23 to go to make it 34-28, and still has 3 timeouts and the 2 minute warning to go. I’m friggin nervous. The Pats MUST make a play.

11:30 – Colts stuff Faulk on first…

11:31 – Good play by Welker to set up 3rd and 2

11:32 – NOOOOOOOOO…Brady nearly throws a pick 6…holy crap this game is getting nervewracking…

11:33 – Ballsy Bill, the Pats go for it on 4th and 2, but it doesn’t look like they got the first…No. An awful awful awful spot by the referees.

11:38 – What a !@$^ing catch. Wayne beat him right off the line. Let’s hope for a miracle. Awful game management.

11:42 – That’s the !@$%ing game. !@#$. Hell of a game.


Power Rankings Week 10

1.) New Orleans Saints

The Saints are just completely unstoppable right now. 8-0 for the first time since…ever. It’s remarkable the turnaround this franchise has made since Hurricane Katrina. Remember when they used to suck? All the time? Forget about that. The Stormin N’Orleans pinball machine is beating teams into the ground like a roided up Ivan Drago.

This year it’s gotten to the point that they are actually toying with the opposition. Just ask Miami and Carolina. Both teams thought they had the game in the bag after jumping out to early starts. The Phins had a 24-3 lead and the Panthers were up 17-zip. Were the Saints simply unprepared? Hardly. New Orleans was clearly bored of annihilating team after team. Plus there’s nothing quite so funny as spotting a team a big lead, and then watching them choke the game away in humiliating fashion.

Speaking of funs, guess who the Saints play the next two weeks? That’s right, St. Louis and Tampa Bay. They may as well just give New Orleans a perfect season now. UNFAIR.

2.) Indianapolis Colts

They may be undefeated, but the Colts have had it EXTREMELY easy. 8-0 is an impressive number, but when you’ve played the crap shows that are Seattle, Tennessee, and St. Louis, it doesn’t look quite so good. Upon further review, the only decent teams the Colts beat (Arizona and Houston) are about as consistent as inconsistency. And don’t forget, Indianapolis is banged up. The secondary is missing Kelvin Hayden, Marlin Jackson, and Bob Sanders...and on offense, wideouts Pierre Garcon and Reggie Wayne are trying to shake off minor injuries of their own.

Don’t get me wrong, Indy is good. But we’ll finally see just how good this team is this Sunday on JUDGMENT DAY. What is Judgment Day? You’ll see in a bit.

3.) Pittsburgh Steelers

The Steelers are back to where they should have been at the beginning of the season…in the upper echelon of NFL teams. The “Steel Curtain” D part 2 is rolling on all cylinders…yet again. They’ve won Pittsburgh the past two games against two of the league’s best in Minnesota and Denver, scoring three touchdowns in those two to keep Pittsburgh’s 5 game winning streak alive. Ben Roethlisberger is his usual solid self, even though he’s glorified the art of getting sacked 20 times a game. But the running game has been the biggest surprise. Willie Parker flat out sucked this year, but Rashard Mendenhall has taken over and completely demolished a tough front 7 in Denver on Monday night.

But despite all that, a must-win game Sunday against Cincinnati. The Bengals already knocked off the Steelers in week 3, and another loss would drop Pittsburgh in a two game whole (based on AFC North tie-breaker.

4.) New England Patriots

The Patriots practically locked up the division in week 9 with that win over Miami. Just check the standings. There’s no way in hell the Phins, pathetic Jets, or God-awful Bills have any shot of catching New England. Miami? Probably the best of that bunch, but at 3-5 they’ll be hard pressed to get back. New York? Please. Not only is everyone injured, but that bloated buffoon Rex Ryan keeps on letting Thug U North talking trash like they’ve won every Super Bowl since 1969, (that would be a zero). I shouldn’t even need to talk about the mess that is Buffalo and coach Tim Kurjican (there’s no way Dick Jauron is actually a football coach…I’m not buying it). And even if these teams weren’t this craptastic, we’re talking about Brady, Moss, and Welker. Game Over.

While the AFC East is locked up, the AFC hardly is. Enter JUDGMENT DAY. Pats. Colts. Biggest rivalry in the NFL. Brady. Manning. HYPE. The game never fails to live up to expectations. We’re gonna have a special edition of Monday Night Diaries Sunday Night as I cover the Patriot Domination. Cannot wait.

5.) Minnesota Vikings

So sick of the fighting Favres…

6.) Cincinnati Bengals

Huge matchup this week against Pittsburgh.

7.) Denver Broncos

It’s amazing what can happen in just two weeks. Denver was high and mighty at 6-0, but two losses later they’re just barely ahead of the Chargers in the AFC West. Just a matter of time before the San Diego Underachievers get by Denver. Again. NEXT.

8.) Dallas Cowboys

I can’t believe they’re this high.

9.) Atlanta Falcons

Not as good as advertised.

10.) San Diego Chargers

Norv Turner the only thing holding this team back.

11.) Arizona Cardinals

They should be ranked every single spot from 11-20. Can never tell what you’re getting.

12.) Philadelphia Eagles

Andy Reid lost the Dallas game. Awful coaching.

13.) Houston Texans

Lost the biggest game in their history. Still a good team though.

14.) Baltimore Ravens

Two losses to the Bengals could end up doing them in.
15.) New York Giants


16.) Miami Dolphins

Put up or shut up…Joey Porter was flat out embarrassingly bad against New England. Basically just don’t trash talk the Pats.

17.) New York Jets

Loving watching this team completely unravel at the seams.

18.) Jacksonville Jaguars

No comment because Dom will get mad.

19.) Chicago Bears

Jay Cutler is such a horrible QB. On pace to SHATTER Favre’s all time interception record. By a lot.

20.) Green Bay Packers

They lost to Tampa Bay……how the hell does that happen?

21.) Carolina Panthers

Poor Carolina fans…after the disappointment of starting the season off so crappily after all those expectations this offseason, they actually had a shot to get back to .500. Against the BEST TEAM IN THE NFL? Hard to bounce back from that.

22.) Buffalo Bills


23.) Seattle Seahawks

The NFC West is garbage. A comeback against Detroit? Really?

24.) San Francisco 49ers

Speaking of garbage, what the hell is up with all the trash talk? Here’s what Vernon Davis said earlier this week:

Ok Vernon, forget the fact that your team is a 3-5 disgrace playing in arguably the worst division in the history of sports. Does Mike Singletary need to bench your idiotic self? Maybe he should drop his pants to get your head back in the game. Only thing that seems to work.

25.) Tennessee Titans

Vince Young era. Steadily climbing back.

26.) Washington Redskins

It must suck to be a Redskin fan. What crap.

27.) Kansas City Chiefs

Got rid of Larry Johnson
-Penn State running backs/ NFL players are garbage

28.) Tampa Bay Buccaneers

They wore their retro creamsicle jerseys to commemorate the 1979 team. Apparently they had a good team back then. But I really thought it was an early celebration of a possible 0-16 season. Two defeated seasons from an NFL franchise? Yet to happen. Unfortunately for Tampa Bay they jinxed themselves?

29.) Oakland Raiders

The soap opera that is this steaming pile of crap had a bye week, yet they still made headlines. Tom Cable needs counseling. Ahahaha.

30.) St. Louis Rams


31.) Detroit Lions

Who cares if they’ve actually won a game this year? The Lions are still an abomination of a franchise. They had a 17-0 first quarter lead against Seattle, yet STILL managed to lose by 12. They’ll make Favre look like God this week.

32.) Cleveland Browns

This is simply the most pathetic excuse for an NFL franchise that I’ve ever seen. And it’s typical. Cleveland is a loser town.


Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Monday Night Diaries Week 9

Pittsburgh, Denver, Monday Night Football.  Sounds like 1997 again doesn't it?  Where's Kordell Stewart?  A really intriguing matchup tonight between 2 of the league's best defenses.  I like Denver.  Why?

A.  Pittsburgh has no running game...Rashard Mendenhall?  Please.  The Denver front 7 will destroy him.

B.  Denver can match up with all of Pittsburgh's receivers.  What does that mean?  A bad day for Ben Roethlisberger.  Everyone knows he's notorious for holding on to the ball too long and getting sacked.  I'm thinking 5 sacks for the Broncos.

C.  Troy Polamalu is obviously amazing, but aside from that, the Pittsburgh secondary is VERY beatable.  Brandon Marshall and Eddie Royal are WAY more than the Steelers can handle.

Let's see what happens...

8:41 – Ron Jaworski absolutely right…a playoff atmosphere here tonight in Denver.  Broncos, Steelers…GET IT ON.

8:42 – Good start by the Broncos against Pittsburgh on the first play of the game…Kyle Orton hits Eddie Royal for around 15 yards…Denver MUST spread the field and throw the ball downfield if they are to beat the Steelers.  They sure as hell aren’t going to do it running the ball.

8:43 – Everyone talks about primadonna wide out Brandon Marshall, but Denver’s number 2 guy Eddie Royal is a fantastic receiver.  He’s fast as hell, can juke like Wes Welker, jumps and catches the ball well, and happens to be a damn good kick returner as well.  If he gets going Pittsburgh is gonna have a very hard time stopping this Bronco aerial attack, because they can’t double cover Royal because most likely they’ll be doing it to Marshall.  3 Catches on this drive already for the Royal Man.

8:46 – Whoaaaaaaa Kylie…don’t try to throw into triple coverage man!  Denver nearly picked off on a third down incompletion but hit a field goal…3-0 Broncs.

8:52 – Man is it loud in Mile High Stadium.  I can’t even here the announcers.  A really big thank you to the Denver faithful.  Really.  Now I don’t have to hear Jaworski and Gruden find some player to rant about their undying man love for some above average player…ugh.  Seriously though, I’m impressed.  The camera is shaking for God’s sake.

8:55 – And that’s exactly the reason I don’t consider Ben Roethlisberger one of the game’s best receivers.  Big Ben’s achilles heel is CLEARLY that he holds the ball way way WAY too long.  There’s a reason he’s the most sacked QB in the NFL the past few years, and there’s a reason he just got sacked on third and short.

By the way good coverage from “The Law” Ty Law.  One of my favorite Patriots of all-time, and one of the best and most physical corners to ever play the game.  There’s a reason that Colts owner Bill Polian pressed the NFL for that 5 yard contact rule.  Ty Law was slapping Colts receivers around the way Raiders coach Tom Cable beats up everyone he’s ever known…SCARY.

9:01 – Denver is doing EXACTLY what you need to do to beat the Steelers…Spreading them out with quick passes.  Josh McDaniels tooled on Pittsburgh back when he was Patriots offensive coordinator, and he’s keeping the tradition going thus far tonight.

9:03 – Maybe I spoke too soon…Steelers with some good coverage on third down and are able to force the three and out…Pitt’s about to get the ball back. 

9:07 – Pretty good blitz pickup by the Steelers on third and 7, and Ben actually gets rid of the ball within 3 seconds to get the first down. 

9:08 – WHOOP THERE HE IS.  Ben brought down for sack number 2.  Denver’s front seven is unheralded, but damn good.  They are embarrassing the Pittsburgh O-Line. 
9:10 - Did I only say the front seven?  The secondary is the exact same way forcing an incompletion and three and out…they’ve shut down Phillip Rivers, Carson Palmer, and Tom Brady…Here comes another Steel City punt…as the second quarter closes

9:15 – Kyle, Kyle, Kyle WHAT ARE YOU DOING?  Take the sack, don’t force the throw?  A 48 yard pick 6 by Tyrone Carter for Pittsburgh because Kyle Orton forces one out while going down (LIKE AN IDIOT).  7-3 Pittsburgh.  Gruden had it right; Pittsburgh is the one team you can never afford to turn the ball over against. 

9:23 – A big run and catch from Brandon Marshall to give the Broncos back some much needed momentum…they were looking pretty stagnant the past two drives (counting that boneheaded pick, I STILL can’t imagine what the hell Orton was thinking).

9:24 – Another big third down conversion…this time by Daniel Graham.  A hell of a throw right on the spot to Graham, thrown WHILE being hit.  Hmmm I wonder how close I was to yelling at Kylie again?  Jesus.

9:27 – A big third down drop or a catch and fumble?  The first challenge of the night as Jabar Gaffney makes a catch, goes down, and loses the ball after taking about a step...Let’s see the call…

9:31 – Challenge upheld…So 4th and 5 but Denver going for it…Josh McDaniels has brass Cajones….

9:32 – DENVER GETS IT…but a penalty…holding, wow…Denver punts it away.

9:40 – Denver forces a punt and has a chance to retake the lead before half.  YET ANOTHER COMMERCIAL BREAK GRR.

9:52 -  A long last two minutes…and guess what?  Nothing happened.  Halftime.  Steelers 7-3.

10:07 – And Here…We…Go…Half number 2.

10:11 – Pittsburgh driving in the no huddle down to the Denver 33….AND AS I SAY IT A DENVER TD.  Strip sack + Robert Ayers = 67 yards to the house and a Denver 10-7 lead. WOO WOO.

10:21 – But Pittsburgh answers right back on a 4 play drive…that’s why they’re the defending champs folks…Roethlisberger to Ward and it’s another 4 point lead for the Burgh…14-10.

10:27 – What’s up with referees not knowing what the hell a forward pass is this week?  If the ball moves forward it’s a forward pass!   What a waste of game.  Denver has to punt.

10:31 – Big play from Big Ben to Heath Miller to get out of the endzone…the no huddle continues…

10:32 – A big run from Rashard Mendenhall the second straight drive on the same exact play…Denver’s defense looks flat out gassed right now…Pittsburgh already in Denver territory…

10:37 – Huge third down conversion and Steelers keep on rolling.  Denver cannot do anything on d right now…

10:39 – I literally jinx everyone whenever I say something’s going on…An awful throw by Big Ben and a pick in the end zone for the Broncs.  I AM THE JINXER.

10:42 – And Denver JUST short on 3rd down…both sides of the ball letting them  down right now, Steelers have all the MO…as Denver punts to end the quarter.

10:48 – Big Ben throws the ball completely off the field…where the hell was he throwing that crap?  Awful.  He’s been throwing quite a few bad balls.  Pitt punts

10:53 – But Denver punts back again…Come on Broncos gotta take advantage of those stops.

10:57 – So much for the Bronco run defense…Rashard Mendenhall has torn the Broncs apart…100 yards with 10 minutes to play.

11:00 – Pittsburgh punts again…wow.  MAKE A PLAY.

11:02 – THE GOD OF DEFENSE.  BOW BEFORE HIM.  Troy Polamalu with a huge pick deep in Denver territory and the Steelers are in business.

11:05 – Ben Roethlisberger hits Mike Wallace…it’s 21-10…and I’m gonna say with the way the Bronco offense has been shut down, this one’s over.  WARM UP THE BUS.

11:12 – Denver cannot move the ball past 10 yards…and Pittsburgh realizes this.  Dominic Wins.  Point for Dom.  I was completely wrong about this one…Another missed call on an incomplete pass called fumble…Pretty annoying.

11:18 – Another huge run by Mendenhall past the 50 for the Steelers…Again…this one’s done.

11:27 – Steelers inside the 10…JUST END ALREADY.  What a letdown of a game.  Boring.

11:34 – Hines Ward with a TD catch…28-10…officially over.  WE’RE DONE HERE.


Sunday, November 8, 2009

Stone Cold Killers/ Jackasses the past few weeks

I'm trying to catch up with you all...SORRY

Stone Cold Killer Week 5:  Chad Henne

Stone Cold Killer Week 6:  Tom Brady

Stone Cold Killer Week 7:  DeSean Jackson

Stone Cold Killer Week 8:  Chris Johnson

Jackass Week 5:  The 2009 New York Jets

Jackass Week 6:  The 2009 New York Jets

Jackass Week 7:  Jay Cutler

Jackass Week 8:  The 2009 New York Jets


Power Rankings Week 9

Another week of hell...not a lot of effort...Again. DEAL

1.)  New Orleans Saints                      (LW#1)

2.)  Indianapolis Colts                         (LW#2)

3.)  Pittsburgh Steelers                        (LW#4)

4.)  New England Patriots                  (LW#5)

5.)  Minnesota Vikings                        (LW#6)

6.)  Denver Broncos                            (LW#3)

7.)  Cincinnati Bengals                        (LW#7)

8.)  Baltimore Ravens                         (LW#14)

9.)  Philadelphia Eagles                       (LW#16)

10.)  Dallas Cowboys                          (LW#11)

11.)  Atlanta Falcons                           (LW#10)

12.)  Houston Texans                         (LW#13)

13.)  Green Bay Packers                     (LW#12)

14.)  New York Giants                       (LW#8)

15.)  San Diego Chargers                    (LW#18)

16.)  Chicago Bears                             (LW#17)

17.)  Arizona Cardinals                       (LW#9)

18.)  Miami Dolphins                          (LW#19)

19.)  New York Jets                            (LW#15)

20.)  Carolina Panthers                        (LW#24)

21.)  San Francisco 49ers                    (LW#21)

22.)  Buffalo Bills                               (LW#20)

23.)  Seattle Seahawks                        (LW#23)

24.)  Jacksonville Jaguars                    (LW#22)

25.)  Washington Redskins                 (LW#28)

26.)  Tennessee Titans                         (LW#30)

27.)  Kansas City Chiefs                     (LW#27)

28.)  Oakland Raiders                         (LW#26)

29.)  St. Louis Rams                           (LW#32)

30.)  Detroit Lions                              (LW#25)

31.)  Cleveland Browns                      (LW#29)

32.)  Tampa Bay Buccaneers              (LW#31)


Wednesday, November 4, 2009

A Serious Article? HELLZ YEAH...Expansion to Canada in the NFL?

Well we're gonna take a little break from claims based on emotion.  Hell, we're gonna look at basically a research paper.  Why this style?  Because I wrote it for a class SO CUT ME SOME SLACK.  Anyway, a pretty interesting read about NFL expansion into Canada.  ENJOY OR CRY.

Over the past 50 years, the NFL has evolved into arguably the most popular sports league in the United States. And as the league continues to increase its popularity, it’s begun to look towards other markets to further stimulate the massive amounts of revenue it earns every year.

And there are plenty of markets available for expansion. Los Angeles for example, the 2nd largest city in the United States, has been without a team since 1994. But let’s expand our focus beyond the United States, and look abroad.

In 2005, the NFL began to take major strides to make the league an international one. How? By holding neutral site regular season games, starting with Mexico City in 2005 at Azteca Stadium, drawing the largest crowd in NFL history (over 103,000 people). And that was just the start. London’s Wembley Stadium hosted games of its own in 2008 and 2009. Finally, the Buffalo Bills worked out a deal where they would play 5 games in Toronto from 2008-2012, giving Canada its first regular season NFL exposure.

This deal between the Bills and Toronto raises an interesting question: Can the NFL be expanded into Canada? There are certainly big enough markets in the country. Toronto and Montreal have the two biggest markets in Canada, but cities like Edmonton, Calgary, Winnipeg, and Vancouver are good sized markets as well. Not only that, but all 6 of these teams have been exposed to some form of football through the Canadian Football League.

Comments from NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell from 2006 have definitely made the NFL in Canada sound very possible. “We can envision [football in Canada]…I don't know if it will become a reality, but it's certainly a possibility…The closer to the border, probably the more likely from a geographic standpoint; but I don't think in today's world that's a hurdle to overcome,” (Sportsbiznews Article)

But even though there are certainly Canadian markets open to the NFL, the likelihood of seeing an NFL team in Canada in the near few years is pretty farfetched (though further down the road it’s an extreme possibility). Here’s why.

While trying to gain additional revenues for the NFL through Canada would be a smart idea, doing it through creating a new Canadian expansion team would not work very well. In fact, the creation of any expansion team would hamper the NFL.

First off, many NFL owners would not approve of adding a 33rd team to a 32 team league. The league is currently balanced with eight four team divisions, and the addition of a 33rd team would simply be awkward according to the Chief’s president Carl Peterson. Likely, it would require the expansion of a 34th team in the years following to even up the league. A 33 team league would make it nearly impossible to schedule 16 games for each team for a 17 week season.

And adding two more teams could be seriously detrimental to the league. Colts general manager and competition committee member Bill Polian argued that it’s not easy to add two teams of 64 players each (due to 8 man practice squads and the inevitable signings to replace injuries). In fact in doing so, Polian believes that taking 64 players out of the pool of free agents for just one team (let alone) would seriously damage the quality of competition. Dallas Cowboys owner Jerry Jones said it best. “"Expansion does not make sense for the NFL at this juncture…We don't improve anything by expanding. We water it down."

Finally, and most importantly, it’s HIGHLY unlikely that owners would vote to add a new team because it would decrease profits for owners. The NFL is a league where all revenue is evenly distributed, and it’s doubtful that owners would vote to risk losing money for teams that might not add any more to their revenue pools. For example, teams like the Jacksonville Jaguars have struggled to sell tickets and as a result have had many games blacked out locally. Owners do not want to risk adding another team with potential for that, as broadcasting rights and advertising make the league quite a bit of money. (Clayton Article) And aside from Toronto (and maybe Montreal, though it would be much more of a stretch as a predominantly French/Canadian city), most of those previously mentioned Canadian cities would be considered small markets and financial risks by the American owners.

So how would the NFL go about creating a franchise in Canada? The answer is obvious…through relocating an NFL team. There are several franchises that could possibly be relocated within the next few years, whether due to stadium problems, the upcoming end of a lease in present stadiums, or a significant drop in attendance. These teams are San Francisco, Minnesota, Buffalo, Jacksonville, San Diego, Oakland, and St. Louis. San Francisco appears unlikely to move as they appear to be moving close to getting a new stadium in Santa Clara. Meanwhile, Minnesota is frustrated that the state government has failed to negotiate with the Vikings to build a new outdoor stadium, but they too appear unlikely to head out. And though Buffalo owner Ralph Wilson has voiced concerns about football remaining in Western New York in the distant future, the Bills appear to be safe for now. (Sports Illustrated Article)

But Jacksonville, San Diego, Oakland, and St. Louis could all end up being moved. The Jaguars are least likely according to Sports Illustrated, despite being unlikely to sell out a home game this season and having the majority of their home games blacked out locally. That’s because their stadium lease runs through 2029, and owner Wayne Weaver has pledged to keep the Jags in Jacksonville. The Chargers, meanwhile, are signed to remain in Qualcomm Stadium (42 years old) until 2020. However, the franchise reportedly can’t be sued if they leave early. Oakland is the second most likely team to relocate, as they’ve had to deal with a stadium that owner Al Davis has hated since he moved the Raiders back to Oakland from Los Angeles. Finally, St. Louis is the most likely candidate to end up getting moved (despite NFL owners wanting to keep the franchise in St. Louis) because their lease expires in 2014, giving plenty of potential suitors for NFL teams plenty of times to plan to build a Stadium (Sports Illustrated Article).

Unfortunately for Toronto and a Canadian inclusive NFL, Los Angeles is far and away the front runner if a team were to relocate. L.A. is the second biggest TV market in the United States, and owners have been licking their lips in anticipation of the massive broadcast revenues that would come with an NFL team from the area.

Not only that, a plan for a new NFL stadium in Los Angeles was given an O.K. by the governor of California on October 22nd. Governor Schwarzengger signed a bill that would allow the construction of a 75,000 person football stadium funded by billionaire Ed Roski Jr.. Roski hopes the creation of this stadium would attract one of those afore mentioned teams to L.A. and make it by far the most logical choice to relocate a franchise. (Sports Illustrated Article). Unfortunately for Toronto and Canada in the NFL, this bill to make this stadium does just that.

There seems to be only one real possibility for a relocation to Canada in the near future (specifically Toronto) in the NFL at this point, one that was briefly touched on earlier. It stems from the Buffalo Bills relation with the city of Toronto and their decision to play games in the Rogers Center over the next few years.

Think about it. Toronto is the 5th largest city in North America with a huge potential market in Ontario, while Buffalo resides in economically downtrodden western New York, already forced to battle competition from two New York City teams. A Toronto team would gain much more revenue to share with NFL owners than the Bills could ever hope, especially in old Ralph Wilson Stadium. And most importantly, the Bills are playing regular season games in Toronto over the next few years. Based on these facts alone, the move from Buffalo to Toronto makes a lot of sense fiscally for the league. And the fact that Toronto locals are becoming familiar with the team as they play annual regular season games in the Rogers Centre only helps this possible move.

But are Bills moving to Toronto in the near future? It completely depends on Ralph Wilson, the original owner of the franchise since its inception in the American Football League in 1960. After 50 seasons of football in Buffalo, it seems highly unlikely that Ralph Wilson would get up in move while he’s still the owner. In fact, he’s insisted that he’d never move the team while he’s in control. (Network National News)

That brings up another point. Wilson is 91 years of age, and unfortunately for Buffalo, is some day going to die. Even more of a problem is the fact that Wilson will not leave the team to his children due to insurance taxes, so when Wilson dies, the team will eventually go on the market. And unless some local billionaire comes in for the save, it’s very likely that the team will end up moving. (Network National News).

And if no local hero rescues the Bills after Wilson’s, it’s very possible that Blue Jays Owner Ted Rogers, Jays president Paul Godfrey, and Maple Leafs Sports and Entertainment chairman Larry Tanenbaum could put forth a bid to bring the Bills to Toronto. According to Globe and Mail Columnist Stephen Brunt “We now have a group that actually has the money to bring an NFL team to Toronto, and that wasn’t the case before.” Brunt further commented “"It’s not going to stay in Buffalo unless you have the most amazing philanthropist in the world who’s got a billion dollars, and I can’t image who that would be…The [Bills] will be sold, and outside of L.A., there is no other market left where you can max out sponsorship and stadium advertising like Toronto,” (CBC article).

But for Toronto to get the Bills, even if this Toronto trio has the funds to buy the team, two things must happen:

First, Toronto must build a modern NFL stadium. Buffalo is playing their Toronto games inside the Rogers Centre, a decent sized stadium, but not up to the NFL standards of 65,000. Luckily for a Toronto NFL bid, the Rogers Centre can be retrofitted to hold 70,000 people according to Sports Business News. (Sports Biz News).

The second and most important happening that would allow Toronto to get the Bills (or any relocating NFL franchise) is not at all under Toronto’s control. It 100% depends on if an NFL team relocates to Los Angeles. NFL owners have been clamoring to tap huge revenues through LA’s massive TV market for nearly 15 years. It’s been an American game for some time, and despite Roger Goodell’s attempts to make the league abroad, it’s his job to make the NFL owners’ wallets thick. The best way to do this is to move a team to L.A.. Count on this: We will see an NFL team relocate to Los Angeles before we see any team in Canada.

Until then, the only way the NFL can show off its product in Canada is through neutral site NFL games throughout the country. While it’s unrealistic to imagine many neutral games in Canada over the next few years (as Toronto games are basically home games for the Bills), we may be in for a change in the near future. Commissioner Roger Goodell has called for a longer regular season consisting of 17 games (a measure that has yet to pass, but in the coming seasons may). Rather than give some teams 8 home games and others nine, Goodell should use this opportunity to hold 16 neutral-site games throughout the season involving every team. He could have teams play at neutral sites throughout Canada (as well as other nations) over the course of the season to see if any other Canadian markets like Montreal, Calgary, Edmonton, Winnipeg, and Vancouver could also be potential NFL markets. We shall see what happens.

Footnotes (Crappily done)

SI Article Volume 111 No. 16, “The Man With the Plan"