Tuesday, December 29, 2009

Power Rankings Week 16

As Week 16 comes to close, here are Loud Mouth Football's Power Rankings. It was somewhat of a wierd week with both of the previous top 2 losing.

1. San Diego Chargers – Is there really any other team playing better?

2. Philadelphia Eagles – They’re hot right now.

3. Indianapolis Colts – It was a shame that this team was being compared to the ’72 Dolphins.

4. New Orleans Saints – A loss to the Buccaneers…pitiful.

5. Green Bay Packers – If they don’t play Minnesota, they can go deep in playoffs.

6. New England Patriots – Is Brady back? No, it was the Jacksonville secondary.

7. Dallas Cowboys – I’m still waiting for Romo’s implosion. It’ll come at the most opportune time.

8. Arizona Cardinals – I have no idea what to make of this team.

9. Pittsburgh Steelers – Roethlisberger can carry this team.

10. Minnesota Vikings – Who didn’t see this coming?

11. Cincinnati Bengals – If they win the Super Bowl a lot of gamblers will be very, very rich.

12. Houston Texans – Very impressive win over Miami, but almost blew it.

13. Miami Dolphins – Probably not going to return to the playoffs.

14. Baltimore Ravens – No Ed Reed means no defense.

15. New York Jets – Mark Sanchez is holding them back.

16. Jacksonville Jaguars – A pass rush away from legitimate Super Bowl contenders.

17. Tennessee Titans – Slow start killed them.

18. Atlanta Falcons – Too little too late.

19. Carolina Panthers – Two huge wins back to back.

20. New York Giants – I feel bad for Coughlin, but not Manning.

21. Chicago Bears – Never pick against Ditka…never.

22. San Francisco 49ers – Need one more year.

23. Denver Broncos – I told you they will drop 2 of their last 3.

24. Tampa Bay Buccaneers – I’m throwing Tampa a bone for the win over the Saints.

25. Seattle Seahawks – The list of things to do is way too long.

26. Buffalo Bills – Lost cause.

27. Cleveland Browns – Fire Mangini.

28. St. Louis Rams – Steven Jackson, that’s all they have.

29. Oakland Raiders – Charlie Frye over Jamarcus Russell? You’re going to need some help.

30. Kansas City Chiefs – Hmm…I got nothin’

31. Washington Redskins – Firing the GM was a good move.

32. Detroit Lions – “Knock Knock” “Who’s there?” “Detroit Lions” “Hahaha, good one”

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Monday Night Diaries Week 16

8:23 PM – Tonight I will get to bring you the MNF game between the Minnesota Vikings and Chicago Bears. This is going to be one stellar game. I cannot wait. I am in the worst mood after that pitiful Jaguars performance. My season is officially over. Saints are cold and there is no way they are going to win the Super Bowl. My prediction? It’ll be someone like Green Bay and San Diego.
8:27 PM – Mike Ditka is picking Chicago for this one…he’s undefeated so far. I might have to side with him. I don’t know. It’s cold, Favre is old, Peterson hasn’t been doing anything lately…not a good combination for Minnesota.
8:29 PM – Minnesota kicks off to Chicago and they return it to the CHI 28.
8:41 PM – On 2nd down, Cutler almost throws his first pick. Expect 5 tonight.
8:43 PM – Cutler is horrible. 3rd down goes nowhere, on the punt there’s a personal foul. I must be bad luck. 1st down Minnesota at their 13.
8:45 PM – Peterson gets stuffed! Loss of 4 yards. There is no way he is the best back in the NFL…not even in the top 3.
8:46 PM – Two more runs, no first down. Punt time.
8:50 PM – On 3rd, Cutler escapes the pressure and throws a strike to Desmond Clark on the outside. Big 1st down.
8:52 PM – Huge, diving catch puts Chicago in the redzone. This is a nice drive that’s going so far.
8:54 PM – Chicago does nothing. 22-yd FG attempt. Gould is good. CHI 3 MIN 0
8:59 PM – Favre’s first pass of the night is complete to Sidney Rice and goes for a first down.
9:01 PM – Another two passes and another first down. Vikings are driving. Ball is at the CHI 44.
9:04 PM – Big pass to Peterson in the flats gets nullified by an illegal formation. Penalties kill.
9:05 PM – Fumble! Pressure swarmed on Favre and there was a strip/sack, but the Vikings recover.
9:06 PM – Fumble! Favre coughs it up and this time the Bears recover. Turnovers kill more than penalties.
9:09 PM – Big pass from Cutler for a first down. Gain of about 15.
9:14 PM – What a cutback! Forte runs about 40 yards to gain 3. First down Chicago.
9:16 PM – The blitz causes Cutler to rush the pass. 42-yd FG attempt. Good. CHI 6 MIN 0
9:23 PM – If the defense keys on Peterson, he does nothing. Then the Viking offense can’t do anything.

9:25 PM – 3rd down, the Vikings toss the ball out to Taylor and it goes nowhere. Punt time.
9:30 PM – Cutler to Olsen for a huge first down.
9:35 PM – Horrible throw but an incredible catch!!! Bears convert on 3rd and 9 and get into the redzone.
9:37 PM – Touchdown! Cutler to Olsen on a slant route. CHI 13 MIN 0
9:42 PM – Three and out. Not good for Minnesota. This game looks like it’s going to get out of hand. Chicago gets the ball back around their 23 with just under 5 minutes to go.
9:45 PM – Three and out for Chicago. Huge stop by the Vikings.
9:48 PM – At the two minute warning, Minnesota has the ball and are faced with a 3rd and three.
9:51 PM – Favre does nothing. Bears will get the ball with about 1:50 left.
9:52 PM – Cutler to Bennett for a first down. They’re approaching midfield with a minute left. Jared Allen has done nothing all game.
9:55 PM – Another big pass. Cutler is tearing up this Viking secondary. I’m surprised.
9:56 PM – Technical difficulties cause Cutler to not take another snap. Instead they let the clock run down and call their last timeout. Gould is on for a 41-yd FG. Good. CHI 16 MIN 0
10:02 PM – Half-Time
10:05 PM – Favre has thrown a total of 9 passes, completing 5. Peterson has 9 carries for 28 yards. How do you expect to win if you are a Viking?
10:11 PM – Percy Harvin gets a big return to the MIN 40. Let’s see if Minnesota can turn this around.
10:12 PM – Peterson breaks off a huge run. Gain of 20.
10:14 PM – 3rd down and Favre comes through, but Berrian does not. Horrible drop. Punt time. Chicago has the ball around their 10.
10:20 PM – Bears drive stalls at their 40. Punt gets downed at the MIN 18.
10:23 PM – Favre throws a slant to Berrian for a first.
10:25 PM – A big catch and a big pass interference puts the Vikings on the 1-yd line.
10:26 PM – Touchdown! Peterson bounces it to the outside and outruns the entire Bear defense. The kick was blocked! CHI 16 MIN 6
10:29 PM – Gigantic return. Ball in Minnesota territory.
10:31 PM – Pass interference. Vikings lined a linebacker up on Olsen and was holding the entire way. Ball is on the MIN 4. This Viking secondary is getting burned.
10:33 PM – Touchdown! Cutler with a nice touch pass to Desmond Clark in the back of the end zone. Minnesota bit hard on the play fake. PAT is good. CHI 23 MIN 6
10:37 PM – Peterson takes it around the corner for a gain of 8 and gets belted out of bounds. I’m sure a late hit will be called. Wow, no!
10:39 PM – Minnesota is putting together a nice drive.
10:42 PM – 3rd and 4 on the 14 and Favre hooks up with Sidney Rice for a first. Ball is on the 3-yd line.
10:44 PM – Touchdown! Favre to his TE Shiancoe on a quick out. PAT is good this time. CHI 23 MIN 13
10:51 PM – Sack! The Bears’ offensive line didn’t even try.
10:52 PM – Interception! On 3rd and 18, Cutler forces the pass and Griffin picks it out of the air. This could be a huge game changer. 4th quarter starts now.
10:57 PM – Sack! Well, almost. Favre throws the ball away to his lineman. This could be a drive killer. The Vikings had it at the Bears 30, but now they are back on the 40. 2nd and 20.
10:58 PM – Correction. Shiancoe just comes up with a huge grab for 19 yards. 3rd and 2.
11:02 PM – Charles Tillman got hit by Steltz and is being carted off the field. Tough loss for the Bears.
11:04 PM – Peterson can’t get two yards? That’s ridiculous. Vikings are soft up front and that’s going to be their Achilles heel in the playoffs. Longwell comes on for a 41-yd FG. Good. CHI 23 MIN 16
11:09 PM – Cutler rolls out of the pocket and hits his receiver for a first down.
11:11 PM – Sack! Punt time. Minnesota gets it at their 20.
11:15 PM – Vikings are doing nothing. 3rd and 11.
11:16 PM – Nevermind, Favre checks down to Chester Taylor and the Vikings pick up the 1st.
11:17 PM – Favre stands in the pocket and throws a strike for a first. The offensive line can’t protect, so the Vikings are going to a quick hit offense. They’re tearing the Bears defense apart.
11:19 PM – Touchdown! Peterson up the middle. Easy, wasn’t even touched. CHI 23 MIN 23
11:22 PM – Manning (not Peyton) takes the ball all the way to the MIN 20. What a big return!
11:24 PM – Touchdown! Cutler to Bennett. I can’t describe how beautiful that play was. That pass makes me cry…hold on a second…*sniff*CHI30 MIN 23
11:27 PM – Favre and the Vikings get to midfield. 3:38 left
11:30 PM – Choke! Ball gets batted in the air and the safety drops it.
11:35 PM – Clutch! Favre hits Rice on a quick hitch for a first. Ball is inside the CHI 10. This is where a defense is made with just about a minute to go.
11:37 PM – 3rd and goal, Favre tosses it in the back of the endzone and it just brushes Harvin’s fingertips. Here’s the game.
11:40 PM – Touchdown! Favre to Rice in the back of the endzone on 4th! What a play! What a play! PAT good. CHI 30 MIN 30…looks like we’re going to OT.
11:48 PM – Chicago won the toss and chose to receive. 1st and 10 at the 30. One play and Chicago has it on the MIN 35. That was huge.
11:50 PM – Gould on for a 45-yd FG. Shanked it! No good! That is horrible. Cutler actually pulled through and Gould shanks it. Favre & Co. get it.
11:52 PM – They try a screen and the Bears sniff it out.
11:53 PM – Sack! The line just collapsed all around Favre.
11:534PM – Sack! Second in a row. That line needs to be taken out back and shot.
11:56 PM – Bears go three and out. This might end in a tie. I don’t see any of these defenses breaking.
11:58 PM – Fumble! Peterson comes up with a huge gain on a swing pass, but he fumbled it. It’ll be reviewed but it will stand. That is why Peterson is not even in the top 3 backs of the NFL. Oh, no! Dom is blaspheming! No, I only speak facts.
12:01 AM – Touchdown! Cutler to Aromashadu for 39 yards. One hell of a pass. Just crazy. Aromashadu had an incredible night. 7 receptions, 150 yards, and a TD. Chicago wins in overtime, 36-30. Good night.

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Saturday, December 19, 2009

Dom strikes again...Stone Cold Killers/Jackasses Week 14


Stone Cold Killer Week 14: Frank Gore





Any Similarities?

Do you remember my pick last week? For those of you who have forgotten, it was the Arizona Cardinals defense. Well, this week, I am picking the man who destroyed that same Arizona Cardinals defense. This week’s Stone Cold Killer is Frank Gore. Did anyone catch that Monday night game? He was an animal. After coming off a poor performance the week before against Seattle, Gore was able to embarrass Arizona. He finished 167 yards on 25 carries and a touchdown (that’s a 6.5 yards per carry average). Yes, obviously this is enough to get you SCK, but it was not just the stats that made me pick him. If you were able to watch the game, Gore literally destroyed that defense. Gore ran over every defender as if it was a high school junior-varsity defense…for kids with Down syndrome. It was that bad. This defense was the same Cardinal defense that held Adrian Peterson to only 19 yards last week. Gore had a very impressive performance that helped get the 49ers the win. In the first half alone he had already gone over the century mark. I also think he’s a direct descendent of the people that made those statues at Easter Island.

Jackass Week 14: The 2009 Jacksonville Jaguars

This is hard to for me to do, but the facts never lie.  This offense put on the most pathetic performance of the week...even worse than Kurt Warner and company Monday Night.  The offense only put up 10 points, even though they had plenty of opportunities to score more.  They only needed a touchdown to win, and had two chances inside 6 minutes in the 4th quarter.  The star running back: 58 rushing yards. David Garrard: Under 50% completion percentage.  Who is this mystery offense?  None other than the offense for the Jacksonville Jaguars.  It was a pitiful performance, and it has been eating at me.  Sadly, this is the most publicity this team will get in about 5 years, so I am almost happy to do this.  Almost.  I just wih it was under better circumstances.  But this offense was stagnant at best.  Garrard had no time to throw, Torry Golt was dropping balls, and Maurice Jones-Drew had no lanes to run through.  I can't go on ripping the Jags, so I'll stop right here.  Way to suck this week.



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Thursday, December 17, 2009

Power Rankings Week 15

It’s been a while, but the King is back with his glorious power rankings. Work on the real site continues, but in the meantime, enjoy the latest batch of rankings….as always…MY WORD IS LAW.

"The Untouchables"

1.) New Orleans Saints 13-0 (LW#1)

There’s no question about it. Stormin N’Orleans is still the best team in the NFL, and the team with the best chance at going undefeated of the two teams left.

Pass rush: Check
Playmaking MLB: Check
Ball-hawking shutdown secondary: Check
O-line: Check
Running Game: Check
Passing Game: Double Check
Amazing QB: Triple Check

Add that to the fact they play December loving Dallas, the Bucs, and the Panthers, and you get the feeling that the Saints have 16-0 locked up…

But why the hell are people labeling the Saints as “America’s Team”? They’re clearly wrong. Who cares about this “coming together as a community under one team after a hurricane ravaged your city” storyline. America’s team ain’t the saints. Nor is it those losers from Dallas, or the pathetic defending champions from that run-down crap-hole in West PA, or those cheese-loving tubs of lard from Wisconsin.

As king of loudmouth football, I am also king of your minds, and I do declare that the Patriots are this team’s country. Come on! Red white and Blue. The birthplace of America. The Patriots! Who cares about that whole “cheating” thing, or running up the score, etc etc.. Besides, MY WORD IS LAW.

(note: there may have been sarcasm)

"The Quite Possibly Touchable Untouchables"

2.) Indianapolis Colts 13-0 (LW#2)

Mercury Morris says “You gotta win all your games to be undefeated”. As crazy as that member of the ’72 Dolphins is, he has a point.

Plus, for some reason, everyone seems to think that the Colts don’t want this undefeated record. I’m one of the few people that doesn’t buy this, but even ex-Colts coach Tony Dungy seems to think Indy is more content with a Super Bowl than an undefeated record AND Super Bowl. According to them, they’ll start resting players real soon, especially with homefield in the AFC locked up.

If that’s the case, the undefeated season ends tonight. As mentioned before, Indy has the AFC locked up. Second, they have about 29 players on the injured list, and coach Jim Caldwell basically claimed that he’ll rest unhealthy players. Third, the Jaguars aren’t just fighting for their playoff lives tonight, but also fighting to keep the team in Jacksonville. But look, Indy has rested starters in the closing weeks of the season before, and it hasn’t really worked out for them (except 2006). We will see.

Grampa’s taking his crazy pills…for now

3.) Minnesota Vikings 11-2 (LW#5)

Big bounceback win for the fighting Favre’s against a decent Cincinnati team, especially after the way that Arizona tore them apart. That being said…

As good as Favre has been this season (damn good), he started to look like the incapable and senile old man we’ve come to know and love the past few seasons against Arizona. He’s looked good against the rest of the NFL, but I can’t see this team beating New Orlean’s, Philly’s, or Arizona’s defense. Favre WILL be the reason this season ends for Minny.

“The team no one wants to play…but then again, there’s Norv”

4.) San Diego Chargers 10-3 (LW#3)

Forget about Indy. Forget about Cincy. Hell, forget about the Pats. I don’t think any team wants to play the red hot and surprisingly “classy” San Diego Superchargers in the postseason. First off, they own Indy. They’ve knocked them out of the playoffs the past two years, and ended the undefeated run in 2005. Second, I don’t think Cincy matches up with them at all, as we’ll likely see in their matchup this week. Third, with the Patriot secondary as bad as it is this year, San Diego has the edge this year over a team that has owned them.

If this team can overcome the 200 mistakes-per-game made by Norv Turner (which they have in the past 8 weeks), they are going to win, I repeat WIN, Super Bowl 44.

“At least one of my Super Bowl picks has to be right…right?”


5.) Philadelphia Eagles 9-4 (LW#7)

The start of the year may always be a bit of a struggle for the Iggles, but year in and year out, December is their month. There is not a doubt in my mind that Philly will finish the season at 12-4, capping it off with a beatdown Boy Nation in Big D. The question is whether this team can get its first Super Bowl.

“The Southwestern Fighting Inconsistents”

6.) Arizona Cardinals 8-5 (LW#4)

They’re amazing against the league’s best. Mediocre against mediocrity. Regardless, this team is going to be a force to be reckoned with come playoff time. (Assuming Larry Fitzgerald stays healthy).

“Nobody believes in us…Part 200”

7.) New England Patriots 8-5 (LW#9)

They played this card countless times. 2001. 2003. 2004. Whether in response to trash-talk, criticism from the media, or whatever the hell pisses them off, there is one team you do not want to have rally together. That would be the Pats.

Case and point: This week’s criticism of Randy Moss, who certainly played an awful game last Sunday. When the Carolina Panthers, and then the Media, started calling Moss lazy, the Pats freaked out. Brady spoke out. Owner Bob Kraft spoke out. Even Bill Belichick, spoke out, talking trash in arguably the greatest quote he’s ever said. “Stats are for losers, the final score’s for winners”.

Look, I know the Pats have been mediocre for the majority of the season, with no real road wins, a pathetic defense, and an out of sync Tom Brady. But little things like this are the kind of things that seem to make this team step up their game. We’ll see if I’m right as the season closes out.


“The Swiss Cheese Offensive Line Project”


8.) Green Bay Packers 9-4 (LW#6)

They’ve lost to Minnesota twice, the Bengals, and the freaking Bucs for gods sakes. Not only that, they STILL can’t protect Aaron Rodgers if their life depended on it. How the hell are they 9-4 again?

“The Fraud”

9.) Cincinnati Bengals 9-4 (LW#8)

First off, condolences to the Bengals on the loss of Chris Henry this morning. A sad day for the NFL.

But on to the matter at hand. The Bengals haven’t beaten a legitimate team all season asides from Green Bay, and last week’s shellacking at the hands of Minnesota gives me a sense of doubt. This week? They have the pleasure of battling the red-hot Super-Chargers. They can prove me wrong this week. I don’t see it happening.


“The Sleeper”

10.) Miami Dolphins 7-6 (LW#12)

They beat the Pats, they beat Jacksonville, and they still have a shot. The defense has been improving, and Ricky Williams has been outstanding the past few weeks. I’m calling it right now…the Miami Dolphins WILL make the playoffs.


“The Super-Fraud”

11.) Denver Broncos 8-5 (LW#14)

Remember when the Broncs were 6-0 and everything was going their way entering the bye week? That sure lasted. Denver is now 8-5, and has been pummeled around the past few weeks. The more I think about it, the Broncos don’t have a shot at the post-season. They just aren’t that talented, and have overachieved their way through 2009. Maybe next year.

“It’s all about the U…too bad this isn’t college football”


12.) Baltimore Ravens 7-6 (LW#18)

You know how Ray Lewis, Ed Reed, and Willis McGahee make a huge deal out of how their from “da U”? You know how they all seem to think that makes them into a bunch of tough thugs?

Newsflash: I just saw “All About the U” on ESPN, and I now know that all notions of toughness that the Ravens have taken on is a joke. Thug U hasn’t been badass since the Butch Davis took over as coach in the early 90’s. And when your team’s leaders are a bunch of wannabe thugs that think being linked to a team from the 80’s makes you a BAMF, something is CLEARLY wrong. Then again, with Denver as bad as they are now, they still have a legitimate chance at the post-season.


“The biggest game in the history of Jacksonville”


13.) Jacksonville Jaguars 7-6 (LW#11)

A chance to give your arch-rival its first loss on a Thursday Night, with playoffs at stake, in the first sold-out game in Jaguars history in quite some time, all the while trying to prove that Jacksonville care about the NFL. I bet Dom is quite nervous.


“They shouldn’t be allowed in the playoffs, but this is 2009…ugh”


14.) New York Giants 7-6 (LW#13)

This team has completely lost the toughness that it had last year. Brandon Jacobs is 270 pounds, yet decides to dance around defenders instead of trample them to death. The defensive line can’t stop the run or get to the passer anymore. The secondary couldn’t cover me. But the sad thing is this team will STILL make the playoffs because of all the crappy teams below.

“IT’S ALIVE…Really?”


15.) San Francisco 49ers 6-7 (LW#19)

By no means do I think San Fran is impressive. Far from it. They played an Arizona team, although a damn good one, that never shows up against inferior competition. After escaping with that lucky win Monday night, this pathetic mess somehow has a shot at the postseason. If by another act of God they top Philly this week, they’d have Detroit and St. Louis to wrap up the season. Throw in a couple of Giant and Cowboy losses, and they have a shot. Again, A SHOT.

“Did you really think I’d have Big D Higher than this?...Are you high?”


16.) Dallas Cowboys 8-5 (LW#10)

It’s Romo. It’s Wade. It’s December. You all know what that means. Take this to the bank, Dallas will finish 8-8. With the Saints, a road game against the arch-rival ‘Skins, and the Eagles, the Cowboys don’t have a shot in hell of winning a game before the end of the season. 14 years of futility for Boy Nation, and I’m loving every minute!


“Go back to the Jersey Shore with the other idiots”


17.) New York Jets 7-6 (LW#21)

There’s only one place that Jersey B wouldn’t look like such idiots: if they joined the cast of the “Jersey Shore”. A bunch of self-obsessed trash that talk smack about everyone else non-stop, yet never back it up, then proceed yap it up some more. It’s a never ending cycle with these morons.


“Wam Bam…what the hell happened?”

18.) Tennessee Titans 6-7 (LW#16)
19.) Houston Texans 6-7 (LW#20)
20.) Pittsburgh Steelers 6-7 (LW#17)
21.) Atlanta Falcons 6-7 (LW#15)

A giant “Screw You” to these four teams, courtesy of Loudmouth Football. Seriously jackasses. Way to completely ruin my playoff picks this season by completely crapping your pants. You might all get honorary Jackass of the Year awards for making me look like an idiot in my first year. THANKS.

“Ewwwww”


22.) Chicago Bears 5-8 (LW#22)
23.) Buffalo Bills 5-8 (LW#24)
24.) Seattle Seahawks 5-8 (LW#26)
25.) Carolina Panthers 5-8 (LW#23)
26.) Washington Redskins 4-9 (LW#27)

Make sure that you NEVER, EVER watch any games with these piles of crap. Here’s why.

Chicago: Jay Cutler
Buffalo: Trent Edwards/Ryan Fitzpatrick, or whatever garbage they throw out at QB.
Seattle: The entire team is always on IR. I’d rather watch The Replacements instead of real replacements
Carolina: They trash-talk receivers after losing about not having good stats. Well, according to the hooded one “Stats are for losers. The final score is for winners.” –BB.
Redskins: Their head coach is incapable of calling plays. Seriously. He’s not allowed.

“Hope for the future…Part 1…?”

27.) Kansas City Chiefs 3-10 (LW#28)
28.) Detroit Lions 2-11 (LW#30)

1st year head coaches + two young QBs (Matt Cassell, Matt Stafford) + young yet talented teams = GIANT question marks. These teams could be entertaining to watch next year, especially with another top 10 pick.

“Hope for the future…Part 2…?”
“Are you serious? It’s the Raiders. The Raiders! THAAAAAAAA RAIDDDDERZZZ”

29.) Oakland Raiders 4-9 (LW#25)

I don’t care if they’ve beaten 3 decent teams…here’s why.

JaMarcus Russell. Darius Heyward-Bey. Darren McFadden. Tom Cable. Also, Al Davis. Don’t Forget, Al Davis. But mostly, Al Davis.

And finally…
Out of Syracuse University.
MR
AL
DAVISSSSSSSSSSS.

“Fight for the Toilet Bowl”

30.) Tampa Bay Buccaneers 1-12 (LW#29)
31.) Cleveland Browns 2-11 (LW#32)
32.) St. Louis Rams 1-12 (LW#31)

Dom and I decided to add a new wrinkle to the most pathetic teams in the NFL. Ladies and Gentlemen, the toilet bowl. In this toilet bowl, Dom and I will do battle with the league’s two worst teams in an unfriendly game of Madden 2010…THE RACE FOR LAST BEGINS!

Cleveland got a little tricky last week, pulling off a miracle win against a sub-par NFL team instead of a crappy one, and complicating the Toilet Bowl race. St. Louis is already a lock for Loudmouth Football’s Annual Toilet Bowl, but the Bucs could still sneak out with a winnable game against Seattle this week. THE INTRIGUE BUILDS.

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Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Week 15 Picks...It's really almost over?

The work on the official site has OFFICIALLY almost begun. Also it's week 15.  How the hell has this season gone by so fast?

In the meantime, here are Dom and Paul’s week 15 picks.

Indianapolis @ Jacksonville (IND -3)

So, last week didn’t go as planned regarding my Jags. What can I say? We played horribly. This week we will be a lot tighter, and I am sure we will get Maurice back on track. This is a must win game for the Jaguars if we want a playoff spot, and we always play well on prime time television. Plus, the game isn’t blacked out. The Colts have everything locked up, and I’m sure they are not going to be playing as intense as they have been (even if they keep their starters in the whole game). I honestly believe the Jaguars have a chance to give the Colts their first loss of the season, so I’m going with my boys.

Pick: Jacksonville
Paul’s Take: Jacksonville

Dallas @ New Orleans (NO -7)

This is a tough one. Dallas never plays well in December and they are living up to that expectation so far. The Saints have yet to get home field advantage throughout the playoffs, and, if they win this week, have a huge chance to finish undefeated for the season (they close out with Tampa Bay and Carolina). The Cowboys need to play superb if they even want to hang with the Saints, but I don’t see a win coming their way. Dallas will beat the spread but still lose.

Pick: Dallas
Paul’s Take: New Orleans

Green Bay @ Pittsburgh (PIT -2)

I have no idea how Pittsburgh is favored in this game. They are old, they are slow, they are injured…essentially they are reeling. Green Bay, on the other hand, seems to be improving with each game (except for that Baltimore MNF fiasco). Aaron Rodgers is slowly climbing to the ranks of the elite quarterbacks and I have no doubt that he will continue this week. Charles Woodson is going to dominate Roethlisberger and that defensive front will get little to no pressure on Rodgers. Packers win and beat the spread.

Pick: Green Bay
Paul’s Take: Green Bay

Miami @ Tennessee (TEN -3)

Two of the league’s best rushing attacks and two stout run defenses. This will be a very exciting game. If Tennessee can win they will move into a tie with Miami at 7-7, and (obviously) own the tiebreaker. That could be huge for a wide open wild-card race. Chad Henne has been playing exceptionally well and that Titans secondary, although improved, is not that special. Vince Young has given the Titans a spark, but its only Vince Young. He’s nothing special, and the two rookie Miami corners should terrorize him all day. Miami wins.

Pick: Miami
Paul’s Take: Miami

New England @ Buffalo (NE -7)

What am I supposed to make of this Patriots team? Randy Moss had one catch, which he fumbled, yet they still won by 20. The media got on Moss for “quitting,” which is ridiculous. Can’t he have a bad game? He’s been very, very mature since he’s started playing for the Patriots. I’m sure he will shut everyone up this week. Buffalo is playing surprisingly well, and they usually play the Patriots tough. Fitzpatrick is creating chemistry with Terrell Owens, which could be dangerous for this game. It won’t last further than this season though, as it is T.O. New England wins, but Buffalo covers in a crazy finish like game one.

Pick: Buffalo
Paul’s Take: New England

Arizona @ Detroit (ARI -12)

Tell which is worse: (A) after giving Minnesota their second loss of the season, you give the ball back a total of 7 times or (B) give up a 45 point difference to the not-so-good Ravens. Well, the obvious answer is (A) because the team that did (B) is the Lions, it’s expected of them. I’m sure Arizona is going to be more than livid and should dominate the Lions. There really isn’t much more to say. Even if the Cardinals give up 7 turnovers again, they will still win by 20.

Pick: Arizona
Paul’s Take: Arizona

San Francisco @ Philadelphia (PHI -8)

After watching the 49ers on Monday Night Football, they really surprised me. Patrick Willis leads a very strong defense, and if San Francisco can commit to the run, they are a very solid football team. Unfortunately, they are playing the Eagles this Sunday. Philadelphia just moved into first place in the NFC East, and they are firing on all cylinders. I would like the Eagles, but I always remember that Ron Jaworski played there, so it’s near impossible for me. If the spread was -6, I’d pick the Eagles, but I think San Francisco can cover the 8 points.

Pick: San Francisco
Paul’s Take: Philadelphia

Atlanta @ New York Jets (NYJ -5)

I would have never guessed that Mark Sanchez had a shot at making it to the playoffs, yet here we are at Week 15, and they are not far behind. Atlanta, with two huge injuries to Matt Ryan and Michael Turner, surprised me (and I think everybody) with that tough game against New Orleans last week. I see them doing the same thing this week except they will win. New York is not that good, and if you can beat the blitz, they are actually pretty bad.

Pick: Atlanta
Paul’s Take: New York

Chicago @ Baltimore (BAL -11)

This spread should be an insult to the Ravens. It would be to me. Jay Cutler is playing like the savior for the Bears. I’m being dead serious…no sarcasm whatsoever. Why would I lie? Cutler is just an outstanding quarterback. I wish I was Jay Cutler, that way I could be rich for being a whining little primadonna. The Bears paid Kyle Orton for Cutler, and you always get what you pay for. Ravens win.

Pick: Baltimore

Paul’s Take: Chicago

Cleveland @ Kansas City (KC -2)

Wow, I would rather watch the WNBA than this game. I’ll give you my pick and nothing else.

Pick: Cleveland
Paul’s Take: Kansas City

Houston @ St. Louis (HOU -11)

There are some really bad games this season. It’s borderline annoying. Houston played Seattle last week and now they play the Rams? This should be another blowout. Matt Schaub will light it up. However, Steven Jackson should get to 150 yards on the ground. The Texans are soft on defense.

Pick: Houston
Paul’s Take: Houston

Cincinnati @ San Diego (SD -7)

So I was way off base with that Bengal/Viking game. In fact, I’m embarrassed that I said that. This time I won’t get it wrong because the Bengals no longer fool me. Their offense is pathetic. (Insert ridiculous group of things/people here) could play better than them. The Chargers are hot, and I’m sure they continue their win streak here. I doubt Cincinnati will score more than 6 points.

Pick: San Diego
Paul’s Take: San Diego

Oakland @ Denver (DEN -14)

This Bronco team is another team that has been fooling people all season, but not me. I said they aren’t going to make it to the playoffs and I still stand by that statement (it’s going to be Miami and Jacksonville). The Broncos are going to win only one of their next three games. This might be where they get their win. If Gradkowski was playing, then I would definitely go with the Raiders. I can’t as they got embarrassed by the Redskins last week. The AFC West is a formidable conference…NOT! Oakland covers.

Pick: Oakland
Paul’s Take:Oakland

Tampa Bay @ Seattle (SEA -7)

The worst of the east coast meets the worst of the west coast. Tampa covers…? It’s anyone’s guess. I’m feeling lucky.

Pick: Tampa Bay
Paul’s Take:Seattle

Minnesota @ Carolina (MIN -9)

Is Matt Moore still in? Does it even matter? The answer is no if you were really trying to think of the correct answer. Carolina is a quarterback away from becoming a mediocre team. The Vikings just dominated the team that swept the AFC North. Wow the AFC is weak this year. Minnesota appeared resilient after last week’s game, so I actually think they are a worthy team. They deserve the #2 seed in the NFC, and I’m sure it will be Minnesota and New Orleans in the NFC Championship game. Carolina might cover, but I would play the odds and go with Minnesota.

Pick: Minnesota

Paul’s Take: Minnesota

New York Giants @ Washington (NYG -3)

We all knew Washington was going to be pretty horrific this season, but who would’ve guessed that the Giants would be as disappointing as they have been this season? Not me. Jason Campbell is holding that team together. Maybe that concussion Clinton Portis suffered was for the best. Who knows? The Giants are missing Tony Spagnulo, and who could blame them? I’m sure Spagnulo wishes he was back with the Giants. I’m going with the upset.

Pick: Washington
Paul’s Take: New York

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Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Marino on a roll...Monday Night Diaries Week 14


Dominic may be cursed with these Monday Night Diaries…two of the worst games played overall in quite some time in the past few weeks…THANK GOD IT WASN’T ME WATCHING.  WOO WOO.
What a disappointing week for the NFL. The gods answered my prayers and practically gave the Jags the game, and that was not even enough. It was embarrassing.
At least Jacksonville broke 50,000 for attendance this season (finally), and for once will not be blacked out this Thursday against the Colts. The Colts beat the Broncos for a new record of consecutive regular season wins (22). Brandon Marshall broke the record for most receptions in a single game, and Chad Henne tied the franchise record for most consecutive completions in a game. Actually, besides the Jaguar loss, Sunday was pretty good.
Tonight I will bring you the Arizona Cardinals and the San Francisco 49ers. The Cardinals can clinch the NFC West with a win here tonight, but it definitely will not be easy. Yes, Arizona is coming off a huge win against the Vikings last week. Yes, the 49ers’ offense is not explosive. But I don’t think the Cardinals are an easy pick for tonight’s game—that doesn’t mean I’m not going to pick them though. I’m going to have to go with my boy, Anquan. Arizona 28 San Francisco 9
7:39 PM – When Matt Millen first went up against Steve Young, he shouted, “Mormon in the backfield!” LOLZORS.
 8:13 PM – Bruce Gradkowski tore a both of his MCL’s this past weekend. Tom Cable has yet to commit to Jamarcus Russell. Wait, so Charlie Frye could potentially start for the Raiders next week?
8:38 PM – It’s raining or just very misty. That’s not good on an already soft field.
8:41 PM – Here we go; Neil Rackers kicks off to the 49ers. They start at the SF 25.
8:43 PM – On 3rd down, Vernon Davis drops his second pass, but Cardinals got flagged for encroachment. First down 49ers.
8:44 PM – On 1st the Cardinals get flagged for another encroachment. Let’s not have a repeat of last week.
8:46 PM – That’s one more. Three in the past 5 plays.
8:49 PM – Frank Gore gets a tough 9 out of the gun. Why aren’t they using him more? 49ers are third for amount of pass plays per game and 30th in amount of run plays per game.
8:52 PM – Interception! Darnell Docket has been playing excellent this year. He swats the ball at the line and comes up with the pick. It appears he fumbled it on the return or it might be incomplete. Mike Singletary will challenge.  San Francisco was in Arizona territory.
8:55 PM – It looks like a catch. I think Arizona will keep possession. They do.
8:57 PM – The 49er defense showed up tonight. 3 plays and a net of a half of a yard. Punt time; San Francisco will start near their own 20.
9:00 PM – Kurt Warner is wincing on the sideline, and Matt Leinart is warming up. If he plays, I’m changing my pick to San Francisco wins 100 to -20. I don’t know if you know this, but one of the newest NFL rules is that if Leinart plays, you start at -20 because you are that bad.
9:01 PM – Frank Gore gets a huge gain up the middle. Where’s that Cardinals defense from last week? 49ers are across midfield again.
9:04 PM – Sack! So much for that. Alex Smith eats it. 2nd and 16.
9:06 PM – Crabtree was wide open on a deep out and Alex Smith misses him. He doesn’t have the arm. Punt time, downed at the ARI 4. Warner comes back out; the Cardinals are lucky.
9:08 PM – Fumble! It should be at least. Hightower gets smacked and drops the ball. Dre Bly recovers and walks into the endzone but the referees called him down. It’s a definite fumble, but it’s unfortunate that the score won’t count.
9:11 PM – It’s a fumble. San Francisco starts at the ARI 9. 49ers are already out of challenges. Different week, same sloppy football. Some teams just can’t play well on prime time television.
9:13 PM – Touchdown! Alex Smith actually looked like a quarterback and throws a dart to Vernon Davis on a 7 yard hook. San Francisco 7 Arizona 0
9:16 PM – The 49ers are just playing with reckless abandon out there. The Cardinals look like they don’t want to be hit. Arizona has the ball near their 25.
9:20 PM – Fumble! Warner hits Stephens-Howling across the middle for what would have been a 1st down but gets stripped by Patrick Willis. 49er ball; this is very reminiscent of last week.
9:22 PM – San Francisco goes nowhere. That’s what happens when you have Alex Smith as your quarterback. 37 yard field goal attempt and its good. San Francisco 10 Arizona 0
9:24 PM – Arizona has run a total of 6 plays to San Francisco’s 21.
9:29 PM – Warner hangs on in the pocket and connects with Doucet downfield for a big completion.
9:30 PM – Beanie Wells goes off left tackle for a gain of 23. The Cardinals look like they’re going to actually start playing.
9:31 PM – I don’t even know what to make of this play. Warner launches it downfield into triple coverage and Fitzgerald clamps onto the ball while Goldson’s arm is in between the two. It looked like Fitzgerald came down with the ball, and then he gets it pulled away from him. Goldson then starts to run away with it, but it was ruled an incomplete pass. Arizona challenges and the ruling is confirmed. That was a weird play.
9:35 PM – Fitzgerald comes right back with a nice catch across the middle. Add a face mask at the end, the Cardinals get about a 30 yard gain. Arizona at the San Francisco 18.
9:36 PM – Wells gets a nice run on the outside for a first down, breaking about 3 tackles, but Fitzgerald gets flagged for a block in the back.
9:37 PM – Interception! Horrible throw by Warner. Goldson comes up with the pick. The 49er safeties have been playing outstanding so far. Maybe Leinart snuck into Warner’s uniform.
 9:40 PM – Guess what. Another flag; this time against San Francisco for a false start.
9:41 PM – Frank Gore with a big time run up the middle. He is an incredible back. Gore has 9 carries for 83 yards. There’s still 11:31 left to go. How are they not using him more?
9:43 PM – Alex Smith now has a pass attempt/completion, a rush, and a reception. His pass gets swatted and he catches it. Loss of 5. On 3rd, San Francisco fails at a screen. Punt time. Wait, a flag. Holding on San Francisco means a re-kick. Arizona will start at their 28.
9:48 PM – It gets better. Another flag; unnecessary roughness against Arizona, pushes them back to their 18.
9:50 PM – Cardinals do nothing. Punt time. San Francisco gets the ball back at their 30. A rundown of the Cardinal’s past 4 possessions: 2 fumbles, 1 interception, and a 3-and-out. Stellar offensive play.
9:56 PM – Smith throws a quick in to Michael Crabtree. He falls down but manages to get up break a tackle and get the first down. Nice play.
9:59 PM – Perfect pass right to Vernon Davis going down the seam, but the ball hits Vernon Davis on the face mask. Incomplete. Pitiful execution. San Francisco tries a 53 yard field goal, but misses.
10:02 PM – Interception! Warner looks off. The pressure is getting to him. That’s the fourth turnover in five possessions. San Francisco gets it at their 37.
10:05 PM – Penalty number 10 of the half. Looks like we are on track for last week, at least regarding the amount of penalties. At the two minute warning, San Francisco has the ball on the 35. It’s 2nd and 7.
10:08 PM – Smith had Crabtree open over the middle, but misses…again. Smith has no accuracy to be a pro-type passer. The next pass hit the dirt 5 yards in front of Crabtree. Smith is not a quarterback.
10:10 PM – Vernon Davis comes up with a big catch in tight coverage for another first down. 49ers are across midfield.
10:11 PM – Touchdown! This time Smith connects with Crabtree. Smith threw an inaccurate pass, but Crabtree makes a big time catch and run for a touchdown. San Francisco 17 Arizona 0
10:15 PM – Fumble! San Francisco is getting a lot of pressure on Warner. They strip the ball and recover. That’s 5 turnovers for the Cardinals (3 by Warner).
10:17 PM – That’s the half. Let’s review: Cardinals have 5 turnovers to the 49ers 1. There have been a total of 10 penalties for 83 yards. There have been about 4 or 5 drops so far. This is just like last week. Frank Gore has already run for over 100 yards; 13 carries for 104 yards. Michael Crabtree has 4 catches for 61 yards and a TD. The leading receiver for the Cardinals, Larry Fitzgerald, only has 2 catches for 22 yards.
10:31 PM – Arizona needs to turn it around. They start at the 23.
10:32 PM – Another flag. That’s 11.
10:35 PM – Looks like Fitzgerald tweaked his knee. That is not good for a struggling Cardinal team. On 3rd and 1 Wells takes it around the left side for a gain of eleven.
10:37 PM – Wells can’t get the first on another 3rd and 3. Patrick Willis is a hell of a linebacker. I’d take him over almost anybody. Arizona gets flagged for false start on 4th. That brings the total to 12.
10:41 PM – Fitzgerald is being taken into the locker room.
10:43 PM – Davis drops his third pass. 3-and-out. Horrible punt puts Arizona at their 48.
10:47 PM – Penalty #13; Neutral Zone Infraction against the 49ers. 2nd and 5.
10:48 PM – Finally Warner throws a nice ball. 30 yard fade route to Doucet. First down at the SF 21.
10:49 PM – Penalty #14; Holding on Anquan Boldin.
10:52 PM – Sack! The 49ers are killing Warner’s blind side. There was only a 3 man rush. Neil Rackers on for a 48 yard field goal. San Francisco 17 Arizona 3
11:00 PM – Interception! Horrible throw by Smith. They were driving and Adrian Wilson steps up and makes a huge play. But Wilson spikes the ball and gets flagged. That’s penalty #15. This is just ridiculous.
11:04 PM – On 3rd and short, Warner hooks up with Wells for a swing pass, which goes for 24 yards. By the way, Fitzgerald is back in.
11:07 PM – 7 turnovers and 15 penalties; Ladies and gentlemen, this is the NFL.
11:08 PM – Cardinals are going for it on 4th and goal. Touchdown! Wells up the middle and was initially stopped, but that second effort allowed him to get in. Wow, tough run!
11:10 PM – Blocked PAT! San Francisco 17 Arizona 9
11:14 PM – Huge run by Frank Gore, but flag #16 takes off 10 yards at the end. The ball is at midfield.
11:17 PM – Another swatted ball at the line on 3rd and 5. Punt time, Arizona has the ball at their 11.
11:20 PM – Fumble! Wells coughs it up. That’s the sixth turnover. Each of the Cardinal’s backs have a fumble. San Francisco has it at the ARI 16. This could be the kill shot if San Francisco can get a touchdown.
11:26 PM – Touchdown! 3rd and Goal, Frank Gore punches it in. San Francisco 24 Arizona 9
11:30 PM – Fumble! Warner gets stripped again. Arizona recovers this time. This 49er pressure is just incredible
11:31 PM – Sack! On the next play, Patrick Willis kills Warner. That’s the fourth sack for this 49er defense.
11:32 PM – I can’t believe this. The 49er returner muffs the punt and hits it three times before it goes out of bounds. San Francisco retains possession, but there have been two fumbles and a sack in the past three plays.
11:34 PM – Smith actually looked like a decent quarterback on third down. Vernon Davis does a 12 yard hook to get a first down.
11:37 PM – 49ers convert another 3rd down with a quick slant to Crabtree.
11:39 PM – San Francisco is running the clock out. There is 3:05 left and its 3rd and 5.
11:40 PM – Penalty #17. At least they aren’t going to break the record from last week.
11:41 PM – The 49ers will punt at 2:50. Cardinals will have about 2:45 to score more at least 15 points.
11:42 PM – Fumble! That’s turnover #7. How do you expect to win? Anquan loses it. That is pathetic. That’s a definite game over.
11:47 PM – Flag # 18. Smith kneels it. Game over. San Francisco 24 Arizona 9.


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Monday, December 14, 2009

Even More Stone Cold Killers and More Jackasses...CAUGHT UP

Dom ran these through over the weekend...thatta boy....


Stone Cold Killer of Week 13: Arizona Cardinals Defense






Let’s see, what stood out most this past week in the NFL? Drew Brees managed to comeback against the Redskins. Rookie Louis Murphy embarrassed a disappointing Steelers defense in a huge upset. But what about that Cardinal defense? This week’s Stone Cold Killer is not one unit but an entire squad
They were able to hold Adrian Peterson, arguably the best back in football to 19 yards on 13 carries. Peterson’s longest run of the day? Eleven. That means that on 12 carries, he only managed to gain 6 yards; that’s a half a yard per carry. That is an outstanding effort for a Cardinal’s team that has not been usually recognized for its defensive ability, but Ken Wisenhunt has turned that around. The Minnesota Vikings have the 5th best offense in the NFL in yards per game and 3rd best in the NFC. This is an amazing step for a team that is better known for Larry Fitzgerald and Kurt Warner. The defense managed to hold the Vikings to under 350 offensive yards and allowed them to only score 17 points.
Meanwhile, they forced Brett Favre to two picks and made him look like the old man that he really is. Instead of the more conservative Favre that we have been accustomed to the past few weeks, Arizona was able to force him into the ways of old. Favre was forcing passes and getting gutsy which led to his traditional bi-polar performance (the bad side). The Arizona defense does not have the big name playmakers that the better defenses have. There is not just one player that can dominate an offense or is game planned around. Instead, it is an entire team effort. They shut you down through discipline and sound football. This week it was especially true. In short, the Cardinals defense was able to dominate one of the more explosive teams in the NFL.
 Jackasses of Week 13: 2009 Green Bay Packers/2009 Baltimore Ravens


 Unfortunately this past week I made my debut in Monday Night Diaries. I was fortunate enough to witness the most pathetic showings of professional football in my lifetime…perhaps of all time. Let’s look at some of the stats. Joe Flacco finished 15 of 36 for 137 yards, one touchdown and three interceptions. He didn’t even complete 50% of his passes (that’s about 42% pass completion). I guess he’s been inspired by the play of Jamarcus Russell.

Aaron Rodgers played better but still managed to throw two interceptions. So, for the two offensive generals, there were five interceptions. With the five interceptions, there were 4 fumbles between the two teams, two of which were lost. So all in all, there were 7 total turnovers (9 potential ones). I do not even want to look up all the dropped passes. I bet there were at least 10. Imagine that: you are getting paid millions of dollars and between the receivers, there were that many dropped passes. Ridiculous!

The game was slow, pathetic, and just extremely embarrassing. Baltimore was slow. Green Bay was stupid. There really were no redeeming qualities. Neither looked like a competitive playoff team, yet both are in the thick of the playoff hunt. However, the most astounding stat of the game has to be the combined 23 penalties for not 200 yards but 310 yards. Baltimore was flagged 12 times for 135 yards with numerous pass interference calls. The Packers had 11 penalties for 175 yards. The penalty yards finish second in NFL history (the first being a game in 1976 between the Tampa Bay Buccaneers and Seattle Seahawks).  I can’t stop saying how embarrassing this game was for what should be two proud NFL franchises.  Both teams deserve losses after that crapshow.

Week 12 Stone Cold Killer: Drew Brees
Completely annihilated the Patriots.  18-23 for 371 yards and 5 TD with a perfect 158.3 rating.  Wow.
Week 12: Jackasses: 2009 Detroit Lions, 2009 Oakland Raiders, 2009 New York Giants
It’s really hard to ruin Thanksgiving.  But when these two god-awful abominations play on Thanksgiving you know you’re in for a long day.  The Giants could have made up for it by playing a decent game against Denver.  Nope.  Amateurs.  STOP RUINING TURKEY DAY NFL!


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Thursday, December 10, 2009

Week 14 Picks: STRAIGHT CASH HOMEY

It’s time to take a brief break from hell week to break bank with some NFL picks. A big thanks to site contributor Dominic Marino for the last couple of posts. When this site is officially up and running (coming soon…I think), he will be a regular contributor to the dominance that is Loudmouth Football. Also, I’m pretty sure I’ll get lazy while writing this and ask him to give me a hand…Anyway…

I can’t tell you I’m proud of my first picks since around week 2. I was 7-9. Pathetic. Kings like myself need to be right non-stop, and unfortunately for you children, I was dead wrong quite a few times:

Week 13: Yes the Steelers have been struggling, and yes, Big Ben is banged up. But you could put me at quarterback against Al Davis’s Idiots and I’d even get Pittsburgh to cover. Why the hell was that crap (Oakland) playing on thanksgiving?"

Week 14: I’ll admit, I’ve been giving Pittsburgh way too much credit this season. The secondary was mediocre even when they had Troy Polamalu patrolling the deep, and now that he’s gone the Steel Curtain defense looks like a tattered shower curtain. Also, I’ve been a bit tough on the Raiders…who certainly suck, but they ain’t no Detroit. They’ve beaten arguably the two best teams in the AFC North and the Iggles…But maybe they just aren’t that good. Hmmm…anyways…

Week 13: There’s no way the future bust that is Matt Leinart is going to beat the only team in the NFL playing as well as the Saints. Arizona is way too inconsistent to stick with the Purple People Eaters. Vikings by 17.

Week 14: Wrooonng. There sure as hell was no way Matt Leinart would beat the Vikes…mainly because he didn’t play. Kurt Warner and Arizona played some damn good football in topping the Minnesota Favres. Speaking of Favre, he completely sucked…and I loved the CRAP out of it. Maybe there is some reality in the league this year.

Week 13: UPSET LOCK OF THE WEEK

I know the Colts are 11-0, but the fact of the matter is that they’ve struggled to put away team after team after team. They’ve barely won their last 5 games, and if they hadn’t played the Houston Choke Artists twice they’d have already lost two. I know Indy wants to go undefeated, but the other factor they have going against them is the fact that they’ve practically locked up home field advantage with a 3 game lead over Cincy and San Diego. Meanwhile, the Titans (who are en FUEGO) have won their last 5, yet still desperately need this game to have any shot at the post-season. Chris Johnson shreds the Colts, and Tennessee not only covers, but BEATS Indy.

Week 14: Ummm…yeah…so much for a weekly Upset Lock of the Week.

Week 13: I think the Patriots are 200-0 in games after being completely embarrassed. I’m exaggerating quite a bit, but I know and everyone else knows that the Pats are gonna come into Miami pissed off and looking to harpoon the ‘phins. PATS.

Week 14: …Crap.

So after looking at my “travishamockery” of picks last week, I think it’s safe to turn it over to Dominic to break these games down…

-Paul

Pittsburgh @ Cleveland (PIT -10)
At the beginning of the season this would be an easy pick. Even two weeks ago I would’ve taken a 14 point spread with Pittsburgh, but I don’t know. Brady Quinn is actually not playing like Ryan Leaf, and the Steelers have a plethora of injuries. I’m going to have to say that the Browns will beat the spread but still lose by 3.
Pittsburgh 17 Cleveland 14

Paul’s Pick - Pittsburgh

New Orleans @ Atlanta (NO -10)
The past few weeks it has looked like teams have the found the chink in their armor, but none have been able to deliver the killing blow. Then again, in order to win you’ll have to defend against Brees, Colston, Thomas, Meachem, Bell, etc. The list is almost infinite. The Falcons are in desperation mode, but the talent just isn’t there. A win here can give the Saints the NFC South. There’s no way Atlanta beats this spread.
New Orleans 31 Atlanta 13

Paul’s Pick – New Orleans

Miami @ Jacksonville (JAX -3)
Football gods, I ask for your blessing.

Paul’s Pick - Jacksonville

Cincinnati @ Minnesota (MIN -7)
This could be Cincinnati’s statement game. Having swept a surprisingly soft AFC North division, they haven’t been able to get that signature win that a playoff team needs. Minnesota is coming off an embarrassing defeat. Adrian Peterson was held to 19 yards, and I feel he isn’t going to do much better this week. Cincinnati pulls the upset.
Cincinnati 21 Minnesota 13

Paul’s Pick - Cincinnati

Seattle @ Houston (HOU -6)
The Texans have lived up to their expectations, that they’re the masters of choking. Gary Kubiak’s job could be on the line if they don’t finish at least at .500. Seattle? What is there to be said about this Seahawks team? They’ve resorted to picking people off the street to fill the holes in that line. Houston beats the spread, soundly.
Houston 28 Seattle 7

Paul’s Pick - Houston


Buffalo @ Kansas City (PK)
Perry Fewell has looked like a respectable candidate for Bills’ head coach opening. Even though they aren’t necessarily winning, they are a lot more competitive since Dick Jauron was fired. As for Kansas City, they are 30th in offense and 31st in defense. Looks like the Patriots should be investigated for completely screwing over the Chiefs with that trade involving Matt Cassel.
Buffalo 13 Kansas City 10

Paul’s Pick – Buffalo

Green Bay @ Chicago (GB -3)
Green Bay is coming off a very solid victory over the Baltimore Ravens and heading to a very disappointing Chicago Bears team. Aaron Rodgers is the antithesis of Jay Cutler, and in today’s NFL quarterback play will make or break a team. I don’t even think Chicago has the potential to cover the spread.
Green Bay 24 Chicago 10

Paul’s Pick – Green Bay

Detroit @ Baltimore (BAL -13)
The Ravens should be livid after that pathetic showing on prime time television. They are most likely out of the playoff race and will be playing for pride the rest of the season. Detroit was out of the playoff race in week 2, and hasn’t been playing for pride since Barry Sander’s retirement. Baltimore covers…barely.
Baltimore 21 Detroit 7

Paul’s Pick - Detroit


Carolina @ New England (NE -14)
When’s the last time New England has dropped three in a row? I couldn’t tell you, and it is very odd to not see the Patriots on top. Carolina has a very dominant running game but the quarterback has been their downfall. A loss for New England here could really hurt them down the stretch. The Patriots will come out swinging and cover the spread. Look for Moss to have a huge day.
New England 35 Carolina 14

Paul’s Pick – New England

Denver @ Indianapolis (IND -7)
If the Saints are a team of destiny then Manning and Caldwell have sold their souls to the devil for another shot at a Super Bowl. Last week was finally a solid win. After starting off 6-0, Denver has looked like the team that everyone believed them to be at the beginning of the season. I don’t see them making it to the playoffs, and will lose three of their last four; the first one being against Indianapolis.
Indianapolis 30 Denver 9

Paul’s Pick - Denver

Washington @ Oakland (WAS -1)
The embarrassing franchise that blew what would have been a huge upset plays the other embarrassing franchise that actually pulled off the big upset. Treating Jim Zorn like a 6 year old might have been Dan Snyder’s best move thus far. If Campbell can bounce back after that pathetic defeat Washington will win. Louis Murphy should be able to attack Landry on that sluggo that has been killing him this year.
Oakland 13 Washington 7

Paul’s Pick - Oakland

St. Louis @ Tennessee (TEN -13)
Bad news for the Titans was that they couldn’t beat the Colts to keep their hot streak going. Good news is that they are playing the Rams this week. Tennessee can stop the run just as good as anyone else, even without Albert Haynesworth, and that’s all St. Louis can do. Kyle Boller is still at the helm for the Rams, and well…I’d probably put that beast of a back Stephen Jackson at quarterback and run the option.
Tennessee 20 St. Louis 0

Paul’s Pick - Tennessee

San Diego @ Dallas (DAL -3)
I’m really surprised Dallas is favored in this game. It’s crunch time for Phillips and Romo, and the Chargers who are insanely good in December could potentially win home field advantage. The Chargers are going to want this too much for the Cowboys to do any real harm. Go with the supposed upset.
San Diego 27 Dallas 16

Paul’s Pick – San Diego


Philadelphia @ New York (G) (NYG -1)
Even with Dallas in the lead of the NFC East, this is the game that will most likely decide the real victor when Dallas collapses. Philadelphia has so much explosive power on offense that it almost doesn’t work at times. The Giants are going to start turning it around and start playing consistently. Imagine a consistent Giants team. Take the spread.
New York 20 Philadelphia 17

Paul’s Pick - Philadelphia

Arizona @ San Francisco (ARI -4)
The Cardinals are playing extremely solid football right now. There isn’t much room for criticism now that both the offense and defense seem to be on the same page. Ken Wisenhunt was exactly what that franchise needed. San Francisco has enormous talent at the skill positions…except for quarterback. I hate to say it, but Crabtree might turn out to be worth the trouble in the future (only if they can get a person to get the ball to him). Arizona should treat San Francisco just like they treated Minnesota.
Arizona 28 San Francisco 9

Paul’s Pick - Arizona

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Tuesday, December 8, 2009

Power Rankings Week 14

Week 13 Power Rankings

Well the king of loudmouth is extending his leave of absence, as mass hysteria amounts at SU. So Mr. Dominic Marino will bring his inaugural power rankings filling in for Paul. While he may not be as amazing as the king himself, he ain’t no slouch. HIS WORD IS LAW…for now.

1. New Orleans Saints – Really are a team of destiny.

2. Indianapolis Colts – Goes against everything I am, but they are undefeated.

3. San Diego Chargers – Red hot down the stretch, and that's how you get to a Super Bowl.

4. Arizona Cardinals – Another team that is getting hot. Can they make another run?

5. Minnesota Vikings – You're not going to win when the supposed best back in the NFL only gets 19 yards.

6. Green Bay Packers – Almost 200 yards in penalties and still manage to embarrass a potential playoff team.

7. Philadelphia Eagles – Easy win against a depleted Falcons; I'm not buying it.

8. Cincinnati Bengals – Easy wins all season; I'm not buying it.

9. New England Patriots – Something is terribly wrong here. Where's the Brady of old?

10. Dallas Cowboys – Expecting the worst Romo meltdown of all time.

11. Jacksonville Jaguars – I don't want to jinx these guys; must win game against Miami.

12. Miami Dolphins – Big game at Jacksonville; win can strengthen playoff run.

13. New York Giants – Coughlin should be able to make this team more consistent, probably go deep in playoffs.

14. Denver Broncos – Defense is too old, they're going to need to rely more on offense. Not good.

15. Atlanta Falcons – Simple Equation: Chris Redman + No Michael Turner = Failure

16. Tennessee Titans – Chris Johnson is the actual best back in the NFL; all they need is a QB.

17. Pittsburgh Steelers – No Troy Polamalu, no Hines Ward, no problem...just kidding.

18. Baltimore Ravens – Flacco looked helpless playing with the big boys. One more win is wishful thinking.

19. San Francisco 49ers – A very competitive team. A good QB could make all the difference.

20. Houston Texans – You think Tony Romo is a choke artist?

21. New York Jets – Mark Sanchez. End.

22. Chicago Bears – Jay Cutler. End.

23. Carolina Panthers – Jake Delhomme benched for Moore...I don't even know his
first name. End.

24. Buffalo Bills – Firing Dick Jauron instantly made team better. Now they just have to clean out the roster.

25. Oakland Raiders – Goes to show how good Jamarcus Russel really is. (Sarcasm)

26. Seattle Seahawks – A cornucopia of injuries is an understatement.

27. Washington Redskins – Looked competitive the past few weeks.

28. Kansas City Chiefs – I feel sorry for them.

29. Tampa Bay Buccaneers – Josh Freeman actually looks like a good pick; better than Stafford and Sanchez.

30. Detroit Lions – Matthew Stafford was really the first pick? Really?

31. St. Louis Rams – Stephen Jackson is the St. Louis Rams.

32. Cleveland Browns – Mangenius at work. I'd rather chug Drain-o

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Monday Night Diaries Week 13...courtesy of Mr. Dominic Marino


As usual the MNDs are back, but there won't be any Paul tonight. Instead you'll have me, Dominic...hopefully this will be fun.

Before the game begins, I want to make a couple comments on this week in the NFL. Minnesota isn't going past the divisional game in the playoffs. Favre is old and he isn't going to be able to hold up against 'dem younger folks especially in the cold. The Saints are the best team in the NFC, but I don't see them winning the Super Bowl. Chad Henne is going to be one of the best quarter backs in the NFL in a few years. And I can't forget my Jags...7-5!!!

As for tonight's game, you have one of the best quarterbacks in the NFL today against a very old defense. Aaron Rodgers is playing just as well as any other quarterback with a horrible line. Imagine if he had the line Manning or Brees had...oh, the possibilities. My pick: Green Bay 28 Baltimore 13.

8:13 pm – Match-up of the night: Joe Flacco vs Charles Woodson. I think the Packers are going to stock up on the run and force Flacco to throw. Green Bay has the secondary to do it. If Flacco can become the Flacco Factor, the Ravens have a shot.

8:30 pm – I like Mike Tirico, but Jaws and Gruden can go burn quietly in the corner for all I care. In fact, their screams would be better than their commentating. By the way, nice scarf Tirico, very fashionable.

8:33 pm – Ed Reed is out? As Paul always says: “Amateur Hour!” Ravens are going to be hurting this game. Reed is one of the best. Those corners needed help tonight, and well, they didn't get it.

8:35 pm – Ray Rice is the Ravens' only redeeming quality.

8:40 pm – I feel proud that my beard is more epic than the MNF singer's. That's been my dream since I was a child, and it has finally come true.

8:41 – Kickoff Baltimore. Jordy Nelson has a hell of a return; all the way out to the Green Bay 43.

8:43 – HB Jackson makes a nice play on third down for the Packers to convert for the first. Rodgers has really nice pocket awareness and can easily get outside the pocket.

8:45 – Can't even get four minutes into the first without a mental error by the Ravens. Too many men on the field, Ravens use their first T.O.

8:48 – Rodgers find a receiver over the middle on 3rd and 11, and makes a nice run after the catch to get the first.

8:52 – 3rd and short on Ravens 10, Rodgers pass gets swatted out of the air and caught by an offensive lineman...he didn't go anywhere. 28 yard field goal attempt by Crosby. Good.

8:53 – Rodgers looked really good, I think he hit about 4 different receivers on that drive. Too bad the Packers couldn't punch it in. The Ravens looked helpless out there...too slow, way too slow.

8:59 – Flacco under pressure on third and long dumps it off to Rice, and Rice makes a nice cut to split three tacklers and drives his way to a first down.

9:02 – Flacco with a nice play-action pass to Todd Heap on 3rd and short. Collins went for the pick and whiffed. Bravo.

9:03 – Fumble! Just as the Ravens were driving down the field, Rice coughs up the ball around the Packer 20.

9:04 – I'm so happy I am able to tune out Jaws and Gruden when they speak, it makes the game so much more enjoyable.

9:06 – Fumble! Sloppy, sloppy, sloppy football. Grant gets bottled up in the backfield, but replay looks like he might be down. McCarthy throws the challenge flag.

9:07 – It looks like Grant's knee was down. I'm gonna go with it will be overturned.

9:09 – Yea, his knee was down. The call was reversed.

9:11 – Interception! After a first down due to a pass interference, Rodgers launches it down field...directly in the hands of Ed Reed's replacement. 2 turnovers (almost 3) inside 5 minutes. This is December football on prime time television. It's crunch time! These teams are looking pretty pathetic right now.

9:16 – Packers stuffs the Ravens for two plays, on 3rd and long Flacco heaves it 45 yards, and Green Bay got called for pass interference. 45-yard penalty advances the Ravens into Packer territory.

9:17 – Interception! Flea flicker fails. Flacco under throws his reciever and Collins dives for the ball.

9:21 – Punt time. Wow, a possession not ending in a turnover. Amazing. Nothing has happened, just sloppy play on both sides of the football. How are these teams in the play-off race? Pitiful.

9:25 – Another punt; dropped balls, stuffed runs, horrible offensive play. Can something please happen? Where's a knife so I can gouge my eyes out?

9:29 – A positive gain for the Packers. That has to be the first positive yards in about 12 plays. Brilliant execution there guys.

9:31 – MNF just played a highlight of Driver getting a huge TD pass...on the Bucs. Wait, who won? That's right, the Bucs in their putrid orange jerseys.

9:32 – Jennings drops a pass on 2nd, and Rodgers throws it away on 3rd. What the hell is going on? I thought the Packers were going to tear the Ravens apart, especially without Reed. Guess who's looking the fool now?

9: 38 – Sack. The pressure finally got to Flacco. Loss of six.

9:40 – John Madden = Brett Favre, Gruden = Wildcat, Jaws = CLAY MATTHEWS. Oh, Clay Matthews comes from a long lineage of football players. Oh, Clay Matthews plays linebacker. Oh, Clay Matthews dad plays football. Oh, Clay Matthews. SHUT UP!

9: 43 – Still 3-0 Green Bay, and I'm falling asleep.

9:44 – I hate Jaws even more. Don't call out my Jags! I know we aren't filling up our stadium, but at least we aren't you.
9:45 – An actual first down for Green Bay. They're technically driving.

9:47 – Rodgers stands in the pocket and throws a strike 30 yards down field to Donald Lee. Ahmad Green, picks up the blitz. This is actually a drive. I think the Packers just realized that they're playing the Ravens.

9:49 – Finley makes a huge catch for a first down putting the Packers inside the 5 yard line. Let's see a touchdown. Ridiculous stat of the night so far: Total Offensive Yards for Both Teams: 185 Total Penalty Yards for Both Teams: 125 Ridiculous!

9:50 – Touchdown! Finley jumps over the corner in the endzone to catch a perfectly thrown ball over Reed's replacement for the touchdown. Finally!

9:55 – Cam Cameroon is still in the NFL? Does anyone remember his stint at Miami? I sure do...hilarious. I'm laughing really hard right now. 1st Round Draft Pick: Ted Ginn Jr.

9:56 – Another 3-and-out. The Packers are blanketing the Baltimore receivers. Hell, I could get better separation then these guys and I'm not the athletic type.

10:01 – Sack! Ravens finally get to Rodgers. The line has been holding up pretty well so far.

10:03 – Rodgers steps up and runs in the middle of the field for about 13 yards and a first down. They're in hurry up mode. 46 seconds left in the half.

10:05 – Wow! What a throw by Rodger, this is what I was expecting. Man coverage on the outside, and Rodgers zips it to Jennings back shoulder for a big gain to the Ravens' 7.

10:06 – Touchdown! Driver catches a short pass in the flats and breaks Dominique Foxworth's ankles and walks into the endzone. Remember Ravens are ex-Browns – they are destined to lose. Score is 17-0 Packers.

10:11 – Hail Mary for the Ravens at mid-field goes incomplete. Ravens are shut out in the first half.

10:12 – This is exactly what I was expecting this game to be. The Ravens are not going to move the ball on that Packers defense. I am just surprised how slow the Packers were in the beginning, but they seem to be picking it up and I expect a good blow out for the next half.

10:27 – Halftime is over and the Ravens will start at their 17. Can we get some offense going? Nope, first play is stuffed. Total Yards for Ravens: 72 Total Yards for Packers: 195...Need I say more?

10:29 – Ravens actually get a first down with a quick throw to Todd Heap.

10:32 – Sack! Two dropped passes brings the Ravens to 3rd and 10. And what do you know, 2.5 seconds into the drop on 3rd down, a sack. This offense is horrible. The punt and a holding penalty puts Green Bay at their own 28 yard line. Rodgers needs to curb stomp this atrocious defense. Someone better follow Lewis after the game so he doesn't knife anyone in a bar.

10:36 – The running game just isn't there for either team. If Green Bay could get some consistent line play, they could be really really good.
10:37 – Sack! Rodgers had not time and was weaving in and out of the defenders, but an illegal hands penalty gives the Packers a first down.

10:39 – Penalty on third play in a row. The illegal hands, then holding on Green Bay, and now a huge pass interference call will ultimately put Green Bay on the Ravens 45. This is such sloppy play. Both teams. The word fail should flash over the screen after every play.

10:41 – Fumble! Driver catches a pretty long pass over the middle, gets hit, and lets go of the ball loose. Wasn't even a hard hit. Thanks Paul for giving me the privilege of covering this game.

10:45 – Ray Rice finally pulls off a decent run; gain of about for a first down at the Raven 46. Next play another big gainer, this time for 14 yards and the Ravens are actually in Green Bay territory.

10:47 – John Gruden: “He'll rape that ball...He'll rake that ball.” Freudian slip? Then Gruden goes on to complain about the infamous tuck rule.

10:49 – Big catch on 3rd and 10 for a first down. What a throw, what a catch! Can Flacco actually make this a game? Probably not, but its more entertaining if I let myself believe it.

10:51 – Touchdown! Looks like I was wrong. Flacco throws a strike low to the pylon and Kelley Washington dives for the catch. McCarthy is challenging. His knee looks like it slid through the endzone; I think the play will stand.

10:55 – The play stands. Green Bay loses a time out and has no more challenges. 17-7 Green Bay is still up.

10:58 – On the kickoff, one of the up-men tries to field it and muffs it. Packers recover. Green Bay ball around the 40.

11:00 – Interception! Rodgers throws low and it bounces off the knee of Driver and into the hands of the Ravens. This is getting ridiculous. I think there are 5 turnovers so far and over 150 yards worth of penalties. These two teams should be banned from the playoffs this year.

11:02 – Ridiculous pass interference call in the endzone will move the Ravens all the way to the one. 50 yard penalty. The NFL is so tailored for the passing game it is ridiculous. This changes the whole game.

11:04 – Ex-Cane Willis McGahee pounds it into the endzone. Two touchdowns in 30 seconds. 17-14 Packers still up. I hate penalties like that. It really is ridiculous. Wisconsin is booing and rightfully so.

11:07 – Miscues are plaguing the Packers right now. Two dropped passes brings them to 3rd and 10, but Jennings comes up with a huge play with a quick slant and a nice run after the catch. First down Green Bay.

11:10 – Thug Lewis breaks Jennings neck virtue of his face mask. The refs almost didn't call that. Wow, these refs are ruining the game, luckily they came to their senses. Green Bay is at Baltimore's 20.

11:14 – 4th quarter and the Packers are still up 17-14. Rodgers has the offense in the red zone. A touchdown could be huge here.
11:16 – On 4th, Crosby misses a 38 yard field goal. Baltimore is gonna run away with this game. The defense needs to step up.

11:20 – Big 3rd and 17 for the Ravens and Flacco chucks it down field for 37 yards. Woodson slips and Mason comes up with the catch. But there's a penalty on the play for offensive pass interference. Erases the big gain. Lame call. Ridiculous. Amateur Hour! 3rd and 32. Draw play on 3rd and now its punt time.

11:25 – So this is where the SEC refs went. Good Job!

11:27 – Two big plays and two first downs. Packers are down inside the red zone.

11:27 – Touchdown! On the ensuing play, Rodgers rolls right and throws to Donald Lee dragging across the middle. Lee makes an outstanding catch and then barrels his way into the endzone.

11:31 – Huge return on the kickoff! Webb brings it all the way to the Packer's 30. Big shift in momentum.

11:33 – Surprise, surprise! Pass interference on Williams in the endzone. Ravens at the  1.

11:37 – Interception! Flacco made a terrible terrible, absolutely terrible decision. He rolls out right and throws all the way to the other side of the field across his body (not a designed play) and Williams comes up with the pick. Green Bay at the 20.

11:40 – Green Bay goes three and out, and looks like the Ravens are gonna have good field position with about 7 minutes left. Comeback is possible.

11:42 – Interception! Flacco throws it over the middle on a deep post and Green Bay was running a Tampa 2. Wrong time to throw that. A.J. Hawk was shadowing the TE underneath with help over the top and Hawk makes an incredible catch. Green Bay at midfield.

11:45 –  4:40 left in the game and the Packers get a first at the 26. This is the kill shot. Gruden compared himself to Vince Lombardi. Yes, I know, I have lost faith in football too.

11:48 – Aw, Tirico went boot shopping with Gruden. So cute...and irrelevant.

11:50 – Two minute warning, and it is 4th down. Green Bay will go for a short field goal. It's good. Packers are up 27-14. Ravens need two TDs inside 1:56. Not going to happen.

11:55 – On 1st and 15, Rice takes a draw for 17 yards. Ravens have one time out left with 1:23 to go.

11:57 – Flacco doesn't look like a starting quarterback. He reminds me of Matt Stafford. Looks like he has no idea what's going on. And as soon as I say that, Flacco connects on a quick slant for a first down. 50 seconds left.

11:59 – Pass for a yard, and the Ravens burn their last time out. This is horrible clock management. You wouldn't think the Ravens are trying to stay alive in the play-off race. I'm glad though. Gives my Jags some breathing room.

12:00 – 310 yards in combined penalties. Tied for 2nd most with a game in 1976 between the Bucs and Seahawks. 4th and 3 with 36 seconds left.

12:01 – Sack! Game over. Flacco takes a sack. He should have at least thrown it up for grabs. Garbage team. Shouldn't even be considered as a contender for the play-off hunt much less the play-offs. My prediction was 28-13 and it turned out to be 27-14...pretty good if you ask me. Good Bye.




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